This was based off something a girl I knew was wearing… it was a canvas dress that boggled my mind…
Author: Viciously Sweet
I heard they’re pretty good
my wrist is so broken…
♫LAUREN
Alternate Career Paths pt. 8
Many years ago Steven was a young child, a child with a penchant for porcupines.
When he was but a tot, he would fervently watch nature shows seeing the likes of Jack Hanna frolicking with animal friends. This was far too tame for young Steven, who felt the grips of adventure every time he saw a possum.
And then one day Steven saw the Crocodile Hunter, and his life changed. He realized that he could have an action show, a peculiar accent, and even better action figures that would come with a tiny little porcupine.
That is when in his dreams Steven became…. THE PORCUPINE COLLECTOR!
Steven would attach pine needles to dogs and large cats and pretend his dream was a reality.
However, on the eve of his 13th birthday Steven encountered a porcupine and broke out into a rash… it turns out he had a porcupine allergy. With his starry-eyed dreams destroyed in its prime, Steven gave up being a nature show host.
Here’s what may have been…
♫LAUREN
Isabel Fun Facts!
My wrist is still red and green like a Christmas Miracle…
So as Promised here’s something different…
Our Favorite Isabel I call this segment Isabel Fun Facts:
In the early Millenium Isabel liked to participate in the Odor Olympics here she is with celebrity judge Adam Sandler in the under arm (brad) pit event…
She won the silver medal due to her momentary freeze in the smelly and sticky event where she saw her opponent lather themselves in pistachio ice cream and barbeque sauce.
obsurdly postless!
okay, so where are all the alternate career paths?
they are on hiatus because Lauren….
broke her wrist…
and rather than making really crappy things she’d rather just vacation from the career paths… until the time is right
BUT UNTIL THEN I CAN GO INTO THE ARCHIVES OF MY MIND….
ENJOY CLAY & ISABEL… A LOVE THAT HAS LASTED A LIFETIME!
A Message from Lint
And now for a serious message from Lint:
♫LAUREN
Alternate Career path pt. 7
Christine has always had an intense desire to be a spokesmodel.
As a child she would adorn herself with jewels from QVC and attempted to sell them with her Siamese cat Maui to the other Siamese cats in her household. Although the cats never purchased anything, she did successfully resell several things to her own mother.
One day she saw a commercial with Celebrity guest Cher discussing beauty products… she knew that if she were a spokesperson she could sell the heck out of anything and be adored by all the gay bears out there, just like the curly haired Cher. Christine then started strategizing to which product she could sell to the unsuspecting world…
One day Christine found that opportunity in the greatest exercise invention in the last 42 years… the THIGH MASTER! She realized that she could not only sell the heck out of the THIGH MASTER but greatly improve thigh aesthetics worldwide.
Now the only thing she had to do was dispose of the current THIGH MASTER seller Suzanne Somer’s. Christine made great lengths in sullying her competitions name such as accusing her of thigh implants, attacking the elderly, and of being 72% robotic. Her attempts however failed because she was deemed not Blonde enough to fill the shoes of Ms. Somer’s by the League of THIGH MASTER’s… She thusly died her hair orange, and decided to attend high school with other non-celebrity spokespeople… like Isabel and Lauren.
She does sometimes fantasize what her life would be like if she had removed Suzzane from her THIGH MASTER throne…
basically she’d have thighs that could be licensed as a lethal weapon…
Alternate Career Path pt. 6
Many years ago, on a day very much like today a little girls life changed…this epiphany occured in the windy city of Chicago when Marlene had her first raspado.
The heaven’s shown upon her in this moment of time she pondered the meaning of her life in terms of this delicious flavored ice. She thought of the opportunities she could have, she thought of all the places she’d travel to peddling her snow cones for the world to enjoy. But she realized sno-cone representatives were a dime a dozen. She needed another marketable aspect, and took to the practice of fortune telling.
She spent her childhood mixing new exotic flavors for her adoring flavored ice public and learning tarot cards… imagining how much they would enjoy mango-lemonade raspado while getting their palms read. She could see the day when all the traffic in the state of Illinois could be soothed if everyone just had access to her wonder-ice, and affordable knowledge of future traffic events.
She also knew the best way to share her delicious treats with the world was to get good publicity. Marlene then wrote a letter to the savior of Illinois… Oprah Winfrey. Ms. Winfrey stunned by the business savvy of the young Marlene decided to put her on her show and display a young entrepreneur/entertainer. She was booked to be on the show and then the unthinkable happened, she was bumped due to the length of time Oprah shared the screen with talented poodles who could also mow a lawn.
Distraught Marlene dashed to the streets where a slow moving churro cart was chugging across town. This young psyhcic could have never seen what was going to happen… there was a crash… and suddenly churros and ice filled the streets.
Marlene never recovered from this flavorful disaster, so she became interested in speech patterns of whales. She is currently thought to be teaching the whales to tell fortunes…
your endeavors of raspado dealing as well as traveling psychic will always be remembered.
♫LAUREN
Alternate Career path pt. 5
On Viciously Sweet we use Jimmy as a theme.
Today we will go one step further, the psyche of Jimmy.
Jimmy has had many dreams about what he would do with his life.. flamenco dancer, lingerie model, toy train enthusiast, philanthropist, puppeteer.. yes, Jimmy has dreamt it all.
During his adolesence Jimmy wanted to be a swanky traveling agent…
He dreamed of telling people how to get a passport, and telling them about how warm Belize was in the spring time. He became giddy at the though of explaining in detail, tours that would take singles around Rome…
He dreamt of stacking and organizing brochures… sometimes he would order brochures, open them up and smell them. He then would stack them and place them in order of geographical location east to west in his room and pretend he was a travel agent… his dachshund was the best client he ever had…
His dream however ended with the fall of Yugoslavia, he could not stand a world without brochures to his favorite post USSR state.
Jimmy’s dream shall live on… in the internet.
♫LAUREN
Viciously Sweet 