Hopelessly Devoted to Boyle

Eric has been chasing the ladies since he’s been on the outs with Oprah Winfrey but not every lady falls for his man charms.

It has been reported by our U.K. informants that Eric has been spotted around Britain’s Got Talent Star, Susan Boyle. But not all is happy news, it’s apparent that Miss Boyle wants nothing to do with Eric’s advances.

Eric is feeling the pangs of rejection by the top British Lady. He had only this to say about Boyle’s Rejection “Just ’cause you’re beautiful, that doesn’t mean that you can treat people like they don’t matter.”

♫LAUREN

Burn on you Susan Boyle.

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Big Girls Don’t Cry

Don’t cry… don’t cry…

Being a billionare and well known celebrity… means you don’t always take rejection well.

Eric… I don’t think she’s taking this well. I heard she’s booked Whitney Houston to sing love songs. And she’s destroying the mix tapes.

♫LAUREN

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Back to the Ladies

Oprah’s constant words of hope and change were once soothing to Eric. But sudden surprises of Obama were too much to bare…the chick flicks, hte loofas, and especially when Obama started eating the fries off of Eric’s plate at dinner… a step too far.

He knew he needed space… As Eric ran screaming from the London Eye where Obama and Oprah were sharing a bag roasted almonds. He ran into the arms of the ladies and by ladies we mean… Britain’s hot mess Amy Winehouse.

Oprah was left brokenhearted, with only her magazine and her money to console her.

♫LAUREN

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This Marathon is brought to you By:

Professional Eric.

And Professional Eric related services.

If you Ever need him and you don’t have a phone near by remember to sing the Professional Eric theme song and he will appear… kinda like ghostbusters BUT way more professional.

Professional Eric 117% supports the Viciously Sweet couples marathon.

♫LAUREN

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American Eric in London

Oh to be a part of the Glamorous Jet Set lifestyle… you know the flossy flossy.

Well since becoming Oprah’s main squeeze (of syrup) Eric has found out what it’s like to be Fergie… or Peter Pan…

Insert your own joke about her song “London Bridge”  because Eric’s been singing it since he got there. Oprah has been seen taking Eric all around town taking him to see her favorite large clock Big Ben. As you can see in the picture below they were dangerously close to Westminster Abbey… does this mean wedding bells are in the future??

 Shrugging off wedding rumors Eric had only this to say “Our love is like the second star to the right.”

Umm Eric… keep singing Fergie songs.

♫LAUREN

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American Eric In Paris

In a shocking twist it turns out that Eric was also in Paris at the same time as Clay and Isabel…

After an short and uneventful affair with Lindsay Lohan… Eric has found new and everlasting love with Oprah Winfrey.

To quote Eric “[Lindsay] is too small boned for me”. Well Eric it seems like you have now struck the mother load of ladies with plenty of bone… and chunkies. And as it turns out they both love syrup.

And when she pointed at him and shouted “You get a trip to Paris,” Eric knew she felt the same way.

To make the battle even more Epic it appears they were looking down at Clay and Isabel eating, literally through a telescope. Which is kind of weird… But C’est la vie.

When asked about Oprah, Eric could only say “Honestly, I am so full of your love right now, I literally could not take another drop.”

♫LAUREN

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The Battle Begins

Eric and the Ladies are countering Isabel and Clay with a frontal attack of ladies!!!!

And much like Gabrielle Union to Kirsten Dunst in an epic and classice teen movie… Eric tells Isabel to “Bring IT”

This battle is getting interesting.

♫LAUREN

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Take it to the Chorus w/ Clay

Isabel and Clay are trying to make a comeback…

They say there is too much Eric up in their space… and too many ladies. (Which Clay can totally understand.)

So today Clay and Isabel took time our of their hectic lives to release this statement …”Boy, I hope that guy’s not planning to kill her and eat her,” but it may not have been about this topic, unless they were thinking about Eric’s syrup problem.

Defending their title of Viciously Sweet’s couple of the year is getting tight since we heard that Lindsay is upping her anty. And may exclusively be back to the gents.

♫LAUREN

proving all is fair in love and war

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