Adding to the 12 days of Christmas like list that I have created of things I desperately need from a Halloween Novelty shop I bring to you what every girl wants this Christmas.
A
Decoratve
Skull!
Just hand the girl of your dreams a sparkly bedazzled former human head, and reap all the besame mucho moments that will come your way!
♫Lauren
Now this is really not a shocking story to add to the “Things for all the Time” cannon.
But when I was a kid in the bustling neon world of the 1980s I was totally enthralled with Elvira.
Like, I wanted to be her when I grew up. The thought of having huge hair, fun make-up, that poodle with a mohawk, was one of the most thrilling possibilities I could come up with.
And plus she gets to make fun of herself for a living, and watch awesome movies.
For a mere $40 Halloween Town wants to help make my Mistress of the Dark realities a real thing.
And not just for Halloween:
Just imagine sitting behind me in a movie theater with that hair.
♫Lauren
The bounty of kitschy fabulous things at Halloween Town made the whole world a happy place. One of the joyous pieces I purchased at this establishment was one of the most adorable fascinators I have seen as of late.
I realized if I didn’t have it my life would be complete, and more so I would probably never be invited to a werewolf bar mitzvah. And I don’t want to be a part of that kind of world.
I will wear it even to wash dishes, I am committed to this hat.
♫Lauren
Anyone who knows me, knows that I’m cuckoo for cocoa puffs about the 1960s.
I love the clothes, I love the style. I love modernism, I love the matte lipstick, I love it all.
And I love interpretations of it. So I watch Mad Men, American Dreams, Gilligan’s Island, Petticoat Junction, That Girl, Mary Tyler Moore and every Doris Day movie, as much as possible… and now I watch Pan Am.
It isn’t as smokily correct as many people would like it to be but, eh. As long as I don’t have to see CBS-style-comedy (balls… stds, Haha) I’m basically going to enjoy it.
The only part of the show that I don’t really “get” is the main character Laura. Because she may actually be a kitty, playing a person.
But, I do like the show, don’t get me wrong. I realize that sometimes I am not sharpest light in the socket. And seriously I like their clothes. Their clothes are like wow.
Also I like Ted, but that is a surprise to no one is surprised by this as I always like the mildly jerky guy with dark hair and candy:
and here is a doodle to prove it:
But then again maybe I shouldn’t advertise this as men do follow me around trying to get me to pay attention to their card tricks which makes me… so very weirded out.
The blonde guy is nice too, but he may or may not actually be a Ken doll:
He’s so blonde and pretty. I feel like he would match any pair of shoes.
Okay and maybe the conclusion of this blog is… I think the pilot’s on this show are handsome dudes. Or maybe that modern guys should dress nicer.
And maybe this year because this show is on the air, I can finally get my hands on one of these:
And I won’t keep having to tell people how much I want one!
♫Lauren
In this post Kardashian world we live in, sometimes a girl like me has problems using search engines and apparently now youtube. I innocently typed in “the smiths” and pressed enter instead of getting this:
I got this:
Seriously internet?
And the next time I google “Paintings of Ponies” am I going to get Kim and her sisters? Come on you know they look a little Horsey Sauce.
♫Lauren
Sometimes I have incredible yet very credible rage. I usually doodle it out because no one likes a pissy Lauren (especially The Dab, I think this is his #7 fear.) And, also sometimes I wish Reginald Stabby was real so he could deal with my problems:
Be careful I hear he has some cutting words for you.
♫Lauren
I have been extra spicy lately. And by that I mean a little more bite your face off.
Now I only really notice this when I am at work and I think it could be for the following reasons:
1. I am suffering from “cubicle fever.” I honest to goodness feel the 8×8 yellow walls closing in on me…
2. It is quieter than mime hell in this office. And I’m not the only one here? What kind of frothy hell am I in?
3. The office penguin needs a fresh new hat. Pirate Penguins are so last season.
4. The temperature in the office is set on make Lauren into “Encino Man.” And I’m not really into Brendan Fraser.
5. I really want to see my new niece. She’s so fresh.
6. There is no “Mad Men” on TV. And it’s what I want, what I really really want.
7. The Beach boys do not enunciate their words in “Barbara Ann.” This is an absolute concern to me today.
8. I want to be dressed like Elvira, for all the rest of time. But no one can handle me being that provocative. Also I don’t think that hair will fit in my car.
9.The apple I brought to work today was supposed to be a “golden delicious,” and it was more of a “yellow mushy”… also it tasted only like wet.
10. I only remembered 175 countries out of the 198 countries in the world. Darn you Caribbean Islands, especially you Grenada. Because I totally forgot you existed.
I’m in serious need of a Photoshop break.
♫Lauren
Hey There Doodle Lovers,
I know that this website is usually a beacon of truth and cleanliness.
But now that Provocative Cactus is around she wants to push the envelope.
And now she’s now even wearing her cactus covers, but Tipper Gore found her before she could get online all uncensored:
Now that is a whole lotta cactus.
♫Lauren
Hi Everybody!
I was thinking about making a casual advice column on my blog.
Because I’m full or rad ideas.
So today I give you a very special kernel of advice which can work for anyone:
And if you don’t you’ll most likely die. Because you don’t know where your food has been, it could have been all butt to mouth, and you wouldn’t even know.
♫Lauren
Viciously Sweet 