I have been having a lot of time at very silent work to make some illustrations.
And lately every week I’m trying to work on things I never have had the patience to actually do.
Today’s test was to make something I could put in illustrator to work on my graphic skills… but what it really feels like is my yearning to do something other than sit at a desk from 9am to 6pm without getting yelled at.
I desperately want to do something fun… so next week I think I’m going to take a day to play hooky. And I bet I won’t get yelled at not even once!
I’m gonna go full Ferris Bueller, the parade, the vest… the everything.
I have always found the ladies of yesteryear amazing. Be they someone’s awesome grandma, a movie star, a was hero, a writer, or a pin up girl. My favorite things to read about them are always when they reflect on their life and their careers. They always seem to have it figured out, because they have been through it all, and lived it up. And also that is when people say crazy things like “Alfred Hitchcock stalked me.”~ Paraphrased Tippi Hedren. I suppose it’s because they realize the best things to be are honest… because it’s what happened after all. And why should they be afraid to be truthful? Also seriously Tippi Hedren… I’m sorry about Hitchcock… he was all sorts of creepy.
I get carried up in that story about Tippi sometimes, because most girls have been in that situation. Even in modern times. A superior who is all hands… Gross.
Now another one of those ladies who figured it out and lived it up was Bettie Page. Now I have always understood her to a certain degree. She not only has totally rad bangs like me (I’m going to say I never copied her bang style. I have actually had bangs since I have had hair.) She was really mischievous… and I have been called that a few times (a week.) And people are super crazy about her, (sometimes in an unsettling way) without ever taking the time to understand her as a person, not a visual object.
But don’t worry I won’t get too much into that. I’m here to celebrate the good. One thing I have always like about her is she always seemed to be having fun, and making the most out of anywhere she was.
Pretending to be attacked by a tree… happy.
Sitting with leopards.. happy.
In weird plastic-y outfits… happy.
Being straight up naked… happy
Wouldn’t it be great to be that happy all the time? I think so.
Well one of my favorite quotes from her is super important for both boys, girls, and people who like to be happy near trees (in or out of clothes):
I have always liked that quote, it’s simple and true. Be yourself and never apologize for it. You will thank yourself for it someday.
Also.. bangs are fantastic, they may be why both Bettie and I are so happy… it’s just a theory.
This past week I have been presented with things that I am so not into. I mean like legitimately made me laugh with how bad they truly are. And it made me think about things I don’t understand to the fact that I would say that I don’t like them, and would totally give them a thumbs down if I were on like a reality that gives thumbs down as an answer. I would be the nice judge, with incredible hair, who would have to give the thumbs down sometimes. And here are some of the following things my thumb would be pointing at the floor about:
Michael Bolton’s song “Can I touch you there?”
I am not one of those people who bashes people because they are not “cool.” I enjoy many “uncool” things, unironically even. And Michael Bolton may I say… has a fantastic voice, he has a voice that can sing almost anything. But this song… this song may be one of the worst things that has happened to the world. What happens when you add pan flutes, and a wraspy middle age man dressed like Model-T creator Henry Ford on vacation in the Amazon asking if he can touch you? Besides a highly specific nightmare for a traveling enthusiast after the terrifying combination of far too much world music, and falling asleep reading an inflight magazine. Well you get this song, and its corresponding video. And just in case you are curious… this song is powerful. It can ruin any situation. Do you want to ruin a romantic mood? You want someone to leave alone? Do you want your dentist to stop cleaning your teeth mid appointment to change the music station to something less creepy. Just play this song.
I don’t like when guys that you are not friends with give you strange and highly specific “compliments.” Like that your pants elongate your legs. Especially when this person should not be noticing your legs or anything about you for any reason. The thought of certain people staring at my clothes long enough to realize my legs look elongated in them makes me want to gag… big time. And much to their surprise does not whip me into a verbal frenzy. So they failed in many areas that there were trying to not fail in, in one statement.
The constant news reporting on anything Jennifer Anniston does
I am going to admit here that I read trashy supermarket magazines, albeit 2 months later when my sister is throwing them out and gives them to me in an over-sized plastic target bag. And when I tear into the meaty tales of Kardashian blood letting, and Hugh Jackman walking his dog… I am so sad when I see these ridiculous articles spun out of 1 really bad photo of Jennifer Aniston. Now, as someone who is not photogenic, photographers could have a field day with me if I were famous. (Lauren eats fish tacos to mask her sadness, would be a great story and would literally sell millions of magazines.) But the last photo I saw of her was her crying in her really expensive car after visiting the construction of her house, really took the cake. The article was 3 pages about what a horrible person/bridezilla she was and that she’s ruining Justin Theroux’s life (you know the cowboy from Romy & Michele) with her constant nagging and fretting… And all I could think of is in the world of architecture I have never see anybody react well when you tell them their project is delayed or that it’s overbudget. Or if it happens to be both, you may actually get them yelling at you. So I mean what was her reaction supposed to be? It was actually nice to me that she went to cry about it in her car, instead of throwing a fit and going off on the architect or the construction foreman. Was she supposed to hug them like she was just called to be the next contestant on the “price is right” after news of delays and budget problems? And does anybody know people who handle over budget and lateness like they just won a fabulous pricing game? If so I would like to be their designer, because when I finish on time and on budget I’m sure this person would be so happy they’d pay for me to have my own custom house, and for my masters, and for at least two pairs of unnecessary earrings.
This thing I keep Hearing about Thigh Gaps
I am going to start as a preface that everyone should be proud of their bodies. And if you are naturally skinny… go for you! Wear really artsy clothes and be joyous. But, personally I am not skinny and I try to keep “gaping” as the least likely description of me. There is nothing on me I want to say is a “gap”. I do not want to bridge it, I do not want to fall into it, I do not want celebrities to sing about the great deals on vests they could get at it. Maybe I’m comfortable with my thighs that I aptly call “Wonder Woman thighs.” And find this whole you should have a large brooding gap between your legs. And actually I need you to focus more on this gap thing, apply that to any body part and I’m sure you can understand how I feel. How about this statement “Dang did you see Denise’s gaping front teeth”? “I’m so envious of Sylvia’s arm to body gap… she can literally hold a small chicken betwixt those two things.” “Edna’s legs are so far apart from each-other she could smuggle a Christmas ham during a marathon.” Let’s just say no to this. And actually if your body is like this, I’m not going to say anything else about it, except please don’t take pictures of your gap with the sunset betwixt it. Actually no one should do that… ever.
I hope that was just enough joyous yet curmudgeonly complaints for the day. I hope you go out to the world and investigate some of the things you are just not getting either…