This made me laugh because I just tricked Amber into the half full/half empty game. She said my drink was half empty. There is nothing wrong with thinking a drink is half empty. It leads to hilarious results, like causing her to think every time Professional Eric cracks his neck that he’s going to burst an artery and die… but I digress.
This leads me to my current brain query. Where is this line we create to differentiate things like… is the drink really half gone or like my response “still pretty liquidy in there”? Will my phone ever tell me that it’s not longer mostly sunny, and is in fact partly cloudy? What is the difference between yellow-green and green-yellow? When will I go from moderately wanting to hit someone with my car to rolling over them?
The mind is a mystical thing.
I’m going to go contemplate life now… and draw some bathroom details.
I will be the first to tell you I am the luckiest girl pretty much ever. Every day I am surrounded by my super fabulous family and deliciously awesome friends, and since I care not about my awkward-ness I will talk to anyone at anytime (usually about 30 Rock) but I digress. There is usually nothing that can rain on my lady parade… Except there is a thing that happens a this time of year that people call the Holidays… and although I am all for sweet tiny baby Jesus and staring at Isabel, and all the beautiful lights… I am not down for all the non-magic of the “Holidays.”
Firstly, all those wonderful fabulous people you adore all year-long turn into crazies during the Holiday Season. Where they will on a drop of a hat go bat-sh*t crazy all over your face for putting a snow man decoration in the wrong place, or taking artistic liberties with sugar cookies. Now even strangers who will usually send a hello and a smile your way will literally slash your tires, because you want to park your car near a store that they want to buy some sort of moose shaped cheese, or underpants for their significant otter.
I find this aggressiveness hard to deal with since my usual response is to shut down and disarm people who have tilted to madness on the crazy scale. There is something about this cut-you-in-the-face-and-then-give-a-hug time of year that makes me want to retreat unto myself, and hide until all the people and things are normal.
Another thing that totally blows about the holidays besides that fact that you actually have to spend time outside your tent of solitude is… dealing with people you don’t like. Seriously, maybe the reason we don’t see each other 98% of the year is because we don’t get along. And even though I can try to find something nice about you, maybe your complete lack of maybe even being a human makes this hard. And maybe I will just eat a gingerbread cookie and cry inside while you are around instead of telling you, because this is the time of “togetherness”.
Now I’m not all about complaining without trying to figure out a solution (this is my kind of science)… So what can we do about this? I have been told by friends, and family that actually hiding in a tent in my parents backyard may not be the answer-
So I have come up with 3 fabulous conclusions:
1. Maybe it’s time to dawn a fluffy hat, or fake eyelashes, or even develop a RuPaul fixation… anything you can use as a crutch to get you through this time:
I'm going to be all Jolly Hollers!
2. I’m also thinking that I may try to interpretive dance until everyone leaves me alone. Because there is only so long one can see you “feel” the music like that one super wasted lady at any concert.
3. This is the one I always try the hardest at… stop caring. My sister tells me this every year. And every year I fail, and end up crying covered in tamale fixings while watching a Sandra Bullock movie. But this year I’m dedicated…Oh the roast needs to be put in? Um I think I’m going to go watch Spongebob, because he doesn’t yell at me for putting up twinkle lights when obviously the stair banister wants multicolored lights.
Have a fun Holiday time everyone. Please don’t cut me.
Today I bring to you the second to last consecutive day of the Isabel Stare-A-thon 2011. On this second to last day I bring to you these children who stare, even though their faces are blurry:
Now you should take time to appreciate how you can stare without being blurry.
Have you ever wondered when you are talking to me if I am interested in what you are talking to me about? I must tell you that if you are wondering you may already have your answer. Am I looking far away into space? Am I giggling in the middle of your words? Sorry about that friend, my brain goes at approximately 234 miles per second.
Lauren's Note: Sorry that this doodle scares you, Amber.
Now venture into the next zone carefully:
Firstly, ask yourself is this really news I need to hear? Be honest with yourself. If the answer is no… walk away, until you made your story into an awesome concoction that I can’t live without.
If your answer is yes, I need to know about it instantly. You may want to use some Lauren convo traps. (I have a feeling that giving away my secrets may be a huge mistake, but I want to hear about new and exciting things, trap me into learning!)
The bait was something shiny!
1. Have you mentioned “the Cure” in any way? Mentioning Robert Smith and his brethren of musical accompaniments may help me completely tune into what you are saying. Friday I’m in… totally listening to you.
In my imagination we could totally go get gelato and buy matching lipstick...
2. Have you thought of mentioning 30 Rock? If not you should! You may just blow my mind grapes with your witty repertoire.
I would wolf my teamster sub for Floyd.
3. If you may be losing me in conversation don’t fret… bring up chickens! Be they fried, doodled, free range, applying for drivers licenses in Arkansas… I’m there.
Chicken its the best food, and your best friend
4. Art, lets talk about it.. Mondrian, Hopper, Munch, Shag, Bob Dob, Utrillo, Kahlo…
Also Lets make famous art into chickens... combining numbers is muy bueno.
5. Am I going to get a present at the end of this conversation? Just give me a present. People should really give me more presents anyway.
Today the Dab gave me a rubber band, a paper clip and a binder clip... I was overjoyed.
6. Lets talk architecture. This is separate from art, because it is kind of my real profession and all.Tell me about your favorite building mid convo, I want to know about it. And if you can weave that into the story your telling… all the better.
Architectural PUNS!
7. This thing you are talking about… are you super passionate about it? Does it drive your existence? I love to hear that kind of stuff… I mean if you are really into your story… How could it not become a classic for all ages?
I hope you love it when I talk about gelato
8. Are you talking about an instance that happened to someone I know… that always helps, so I can imagine… I’m usually hoping for a funny circumstance or something… But if its someone I don’t really like- like at all, lets not tell the story. Let’s instead talk about #1-7.
I need an owl to help me out in this situation
And that is really it. Help me become a better listener! I really want to hear all about that really cool thing that happened to you that one time when that other thing happened.
Viciously Sweet 