Storytime with Lauren

The Tale of the Blowhole

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Today I bring you a new tale to add to our storytime repertoire.

Many moons ago in the state of Hawaii, there vacationed a Jimmy.

This said Jimmy was not familiar with islands besides those in the roads on major streets. You see this very Jimmy was from the Valley.

This specific Jimmy is also quite literate, you will frequently find him engaged in a book or perusing maps of distant lands. He used his written ware in this case as a tool to find himself something fun to do on this island vacation.

There he found a natural phenomena that captured his fountain loving imagination. A blowhole. Not any blowhole, but one on a treacherous part of beach, that spews over 100 ft in the air. The approximate height of a 9 story building. Fascinated Jimmy told his family, they trekked for hours to reach this dangerous location…

…to find that…

… the tide was out.

 

THE END.

♫Lauren

p.s. the t-shirt reads “you fracture me”

Why Google, Why?

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Today’s Story from Lauren involves the whole internets.

Okay so after many years of being told my name is spelled wrong google also adds this insult to the heap:

Everyone will be dissapointed when they meet me and realize I am not really 50 cent. Or a 50 Cent impersonator, or whatever this picture would have them believe.

I would never do this to you Google.

♫Lauren

Tale of Eye Makeup Terror

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Okay this is not really a scary story.

BUT, it is scary if you are me.

I’m currently not being allowed to wear eye makeup because of my weird dry skin. So I have only been allowed to wear mascara and blush pretty much. And as people know I have never not worn eye make-up outside since I was 15, and I find it terrifying.

And now I look like I’m 17 again… 

But I didn’t thankfully turn into Zac Efron.

This last weekend I was asked when I was going to college by a teen, and also asked out by the same teen. ICK ICK ICK. I told him, “I’m really old, and this is not right.”

So to look like I’m age to vote I’m trying to figure out if I can get fake eyelashes. Perhaps I may look like a gogo dancer, but at least I’ll look like a real grown up.

The End.

That was today’s story with Lauren!

♫Lauren

Stories about Elliott

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I have a cat his name is Elliott.

Elliott likes to do many things, like eating, breaking my mother’s possessions and sleeping.

Here likes to sleep on towels, my head, my pillow, the window sill, his kitty scratchy tube, any person he can sit on, and….

♫Lauren

The Tale of Jimbraham Lincoln

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I didn’t forget about Story Time with Lauren!

Today I bring you a poem about a Jimmy/Abraham Lincoln hybrid:

His Name is Jimbraham Lincoln,

He wakes up in the morning yawning and blinkin’…

When he looks at the ladies he cannot stop winkin’

and he likes to end his days with some tea and fried chinkin’

♫Lauren

Partying with Jimmy

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Jimmy is an unusual Lad he likes to stay at home, all the time.

Some may think it’s because he doesn’t like to be social, but my theory is that Jimmy likes to party with his neighbors.  And not the neighbors you may think:

What a party animal.

THE END

♫Lauren

Holy Smokes

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There is a church that keeps calling my phone and leaving messages. Is this a call from the Lord or is is totally okay to block them?
I’m thinking of blocking them like a lego.

♫Lauren

Safari Time with Christine

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Many moons ago Christine desired to travel the world with her sign languaged enabled chimp friend “Mr. Yoyo”

She thought it would be just like The Jungle Book, but then discovered that it was nothing really like that at all.

And that in real jungles there are real volcanos. 

So she instead sold Mr Yoyo and watched “Arrested Development.”

THE END.

♫Lauren