Tiny Angelic Goats: A Recap of this week

Hey there internet!
I haven’t been posting as I have been under the weather.
I didn’t even realize that I had totally missed this entire week, especially April 9th which is now and forever known as Dia Del Dab… the birthday of the Dab.

I think this means I should say what’s been going on with me. So simply I will say… I have no idea. For the last few weeks I’ve had some irritating sore leg problems, and I ignored it until I woke up pretty much unable to do anything on Sunday.
And by anything… I mean nothing. No sitting, no standing, and no laying down… I couldn’t even go to the bathroom. So as you can imagine… AWESOME EASTER!
I went to the doctor and much like my fellow unicorns… the doctors could not figure what was going on with me besides the fact I was in incredible pain.
After a few doctors visits I was given delectable pain killers, several super cool blood tests, and had to sit in an office that was covered in plastic plants and pictures of Tinkerbell and the Virgin Mary… and the rest of my week has pretty much been like this:

I want to thank people for putting up with drugged Lauren… especially my coworkers who are not paid enough to put up with a girl who is slurring her speech and moving in what feels like slow motion (which we can all admit is more of a Monday problem than a Wednesday problem). And also my poor parents who have had to hear my distressing concerns for the current music career of the California Raisins, stealing all the blankets in the house to cover myself all at once, and for finding me singing Huey Lewis songs to my television.
Anyways. Totally on drugs. Going to draw a section of a building.

P.S. The Huey Lewis song I was singing was not “I want a new drug” it was this one:

Excuse me, Miss…

I find myself in strange situations constantly. I don’t know if its because I have some sort of “weirdo” frequency I emit to the world. Or maybe its just because I am a girl that lives in California… most can admit, it’s a bit weird here.

Most people would just try to ignore the strange things around them. But not me, I’m just too curious not to play into these things.

And for some reason I find that these situations some of the best things that could happen to a girl.

Here are several examples of fun incidents:

-Walking lost old ladies to a restaurant when my only intention of being outside was to throw out garbage. Only to find out that they are so full of historical knowledge of the area that I nearly wanted to hijack their dinner and listen to their memories for hours!

-Helping strangers load luggage/ small store purchases into their cars and being paid in fruit, and no matter how much you protest you walk away with fruit (This has happened more than once.)

-Being trapped in a a very small elevator with a woman who at first is not very talkative but then after a few minutes and realization we were stuck in an elevator together got quite chummy. She turned out to be Susan Adler the author of several of my favorite American Girl books (Shout Out to my Childhood!)

-Having my Fortune read to me by a “Psychic Cat” (I suggest that everyone in the Southern California area… give this a try)

-Being given a bottle of wine, for telling some guy in Rome what time it was… (I don’t think he had a Fiat, Cakes)

-Being told by producers of Ellen that Colin Farrell loved my description of him including but not limited to his “Luscious, unyeilding folicles”

-And of course, having long conversations with people from other businesses in the same building. To the point where I almost tell them, “I’m sorry I have to go to work now.” The best thing is that they never talk to my Professional Coworker, who is beginning to think it’s a conspiracy.

In short, my existence is pretty darn rad, and I’m ready for today’s adventures!


Robot Toast

A few days ago, I was feeling a bit giggly…

I was telling Professional Eric that I had the new best idea. It could make millions of dollars, it could bring world peace, it could save us from losing calcium in our bones!

Yes everyone, I’m talking about a Mrs. Doubtfire robot that makes you toast… and speaks in the voice of Robin Williams. For some reason Eric did not agree with my desire to have one of these machines, as obviously he could not handle the way it will change the world as we know it.

I think I just need to show my designs to the right people… and we will never again suffer the indignity of warming our own breads.

However if you don’t accept the toast… it will throw fruit at you. So remember always say yes to toast!


Christine of Old Sac

Christine told me her secret desire was to live in oldtown Sacramento… because it’s nickname is “Old Sac”.
She will live in the the old mining town with her only furniture being lovesacs… to carry on her sac motif.

Or maybe she said the term “old sac” was super gross.

Suggestions to Bluto

Okay this weekend I saw Popeye at this place called Oinksters in Eagle Rock.(btw delicious food)

I was really perplexed by the obsession of Bluto had for Olive Oyl being as:
1. She was totally into Popeye.

2. She looked like this:

And I was thinking there are so many other cartoon girls out there Bluto… and some of them look like this:

And all she has in her cartoons are a creepy wolf, and Sr. Droopy. I’m sure she’d totally dig you.
I am like #6 greatest matchmaker ever!


Holy Smokes

There is a church that keeps calling my phone and leaving messages. Is this a call from the Lord or is is totally okay to block them?
I’m thinking of blocking them like a lego.


Seriously, Her?

Does anyone know somebody they just don’t get? I feel like this when I think about certain individuals… It only makes me think about something very similar to Ann Veal from “Arrested Development”…

You know, “her”… in fact everyone knows one. Just a girl that doesn’t stand out for any reason…

I think everyone has experienced this feeling before:

Seriously, “her”?

Meet Me in Outer Space…

I was watching the Discovery Channels documentary on the universe. Which I found really interesting, because spacey things are interesting. And I realized that unlike many other children, I’ve never dreamed of being an astronaut.

But, I’ve always liked futuristic things.

Like the house of the future:

This Incubus song:

This Battlestar Galactica:

This futuristic family:

Buckminster Fuller:

Life on Mars:

But I discovered the real reason I’m not currently floating in the cosmos:

Totally Lame.