Australian Dreams

I had this dream last night that I went on vacation to Australia. To my surprise they had no food in Australia, only Granola bars. I asked them where they had food like ‘”Outback Steakhouse” Open at nine’? And he told me those pretty onion flowers and dreams of koalas is how they get Americans to travel all the way to Australia.
Also no one had accents, they were faked too.
I was depressed and dismayed. Also I discovered in my dream that Koalas were in fact cats dress like weird little bears.
Upon this realization I decided to leave and go to New Zealand. And then some rude Australian told me it was fake too; apparently it was created by Peter Jackson for movies.
Dude, my dreams are weird.


♫lauren

The Angry Squid

Hello Internet,

I thought we were friends… but we have come to a quandary.

 Friends don’t let friends experience internet stalking, keep the creepies away or I will send Angry Squid to avenge me.

This is an artist rendering of angry squid, who has tentacles of fury:

I hope this helps you understand.

♫Lauren

Past Aggression: The Horn of Plenty

As many people know, I truly couldn’t dislike cornucopias anymore than I naturally do.

I really cannot stand them.

They pretty much ruin the entire month of my birthday with their corn filled lies. I will go so far as to say they plague my dreams and fill my heart with bottomless sorrow.

Also I don’t like anything that can is a synonym for “the horn of plenty.”

I thought I successfully avoided all the suck that cornucopia’s bring this holiday season… but apparently someone who sends me shopping emails thought I look like the kind of girl who wants this email:

Well I am totally not. I want nothing to do with your “cornucopia of savings”.

Merry Christmas.

♫LAUREN

Ain’t Got No Love for Lies

I have an issue. I don’t believe in the new trend of organics.

I believe everything that comes from the earth is inherently organic. So some aspect of a tomato is organic, some aspect of cotton is always organic.

What I really don’t get is paying like $7.00 for a small bags of oranges.. because they claim they are organic. (read all the stickers on them… they are not all organic)

 

♫lauren

condron.us

Bohemian Like you

I have gone on for 23 years of my life being called eccentric, weird, and comical (at least the things people say to me).

But I’ve never been affirmed into any such group or click.

In the last week 2 people have labeled me…. And I find it fascinating. I mean to a label-less person… I feel like I moderately know how I am percieved by the general public.

I was first called an indie kid.

which is cool, because i do like indie things… they are nice:

 

and then I was called bohemian… and i was told that i reminded people of fruit… which is also nice.

I like fruit… so long as it is not in a corcnocopia.

I don’t really know what this label means but I have an opinion.

I feel very scared about being easily grouped.

but I would like to know from people who really know me? Am I these things? Is this what my alternative rock, brown hair and bangs, and black plastic glasses have lead to? Am I so easily labeled? Do I remind you of fruit? Is that the reason I want a sweater vest?

Tell me.

♫LAUREN

condon.us

Natural Flavors

So today I’m drinking Snapple which is as the people know made from the best stuff on earth.

it tells me it’s made of natural flavors, but doesn’t specify those said “natural flavors”:

do they include dirt?

grass?

tree bark?

root?

deer eyelashes?

o-zone?

Clint Eastwood?

Tell me please Snapple! Don’t leave me hanging! Also, the longer i think about it… the more i’m grossed out.

♫LAUREN

condron.us

Not News tonight at 11

I cannot stand media outlets that report news… because it’s never really news…. ahem TMZ, and every other “entertainment this hour” shows that plague my tv!!!

For Example: Anthony Kiedis going grocery shopping qualifies as not news. Please don’t have this as a headline event. He eats food. And it is not delivered by Dave Navarro every day of the week.

I mean Anthony Kiedis is exceptionally awesome… but I don’t need to know if he buys skim milk, and febreeze. Especially since he doesn’t follow me around the market snickering at my fruitcups and granola bars.

Let the peep’s shop in peace.

That I think is my public service announcement for the week.

♫LAUREN

CONDRON.US