Going to the Doctors & Being a Mutant w/ Lauren

30 Jan

Today I have to go to the doctor, and much like everyone in the entire universe… I never want to go to there, because its the worst.

There is nothing wrong with me, and no one to my knowledge is putting me in the nice crazy house, but still I don’t want to go.

It’s mostly because if I am away from my computer, I’m not inclined to sit there staring into my phone in the waiting room. I usually choose to draw or read a tangible book, which in a waiting room makes the eyes glare upon you like you are dressed in medieval costume on a bus crazy. Try it sometime, and you will discover those prying eyes make you  practically a waiting room mutant. Then coyly (socially awkward style in reality) I glance back at them, and even their 3 year old kids are on iphones and tablets… or playing with life size Mr. Belvedere robots… seriously.

But, I digress… I think this whole waiting room conundrum could be fixed if doctors were more fun:

I’m getting ready to go sit and wait.

♫Lauren

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Some people think I have a lovely blog

27 Jan

I have decided to burst from the gate with this recent turn of events! This bloggy has an award coming its way!

Teri from The Narcissist’s Blog has nominated this little bloggy with a “One Lovely Blog Award,” and since she is so kind to click on and sometimes enjoy this crazy collection of doodles and words. I must thank her also for letting me enjoy all the self-reflection and crazy adventures in her fabulous life! She previously nominated me as a versatile blogger, but I forgot to fill out the stuff because my sister had me fixing up her wedding real nice-like and such. But thank you Teri, you are fabulous!

Also this Lovely Blog Award makes me feel like singing a love song to my blog:

Back to this nomination thingy!

As you all know there are rules to accepting these awards.  The rules for The One Lovely Blog Award are as follows:

  1. Thank the person who nominated you. (See Above paragraph)
  2. Name your nominated blogs 10-15 is the standard number. Then notify them that you have done so. (I am only going to nominate a few peeps, so RULE BREAKER)
  3. Share seven things about yourself. (Below are my facts and a fancy illustration!)

Nominations Ahoy!

  • I would always pick But that’s for another blog because I love nerdy love stories, and CIA cat. Also your blog about twinkies, inspired a serious lunch conversation at my work… because I also work with weird guys who believe in the power of twinkies.
  • My new current favorite funny blog Sips Of Jen and Tonic. You are a visionary, and sometimes I feel like I’m reading things I would write. Also be wary of Dave Coulier, remember what he did to Alanis and that weird chipmunk puppet from Full House.
  • And Ashley Jillian because she is a funny girl in an improve class with the Old Spice Guy. BTW, You’re my favorite XOXO

7 Things About Me!

1. If I could trade closets with anyone I would totally steal Dita Von Teese’s clothes. Because she is always dressed too cute! (Lauren’s Note: not when she’s working… because then she’s not really dressed, but I digress.)

2. I really have been into nail art. This is what my nails are doing this week! Also thanks Amber for getting me these nail stickers for Christmas:

3. Today I received a pink star card and an invitation to “The League of Professionals” at work, because I have more responsibility now! (This was obviously the doing of the most treasured professional in the SGV)

4. My first reaction to reading Teri’s comment was this is awesome… I need to make a doodle of getting an award. I present to you this doodle of the me and the worst acceptance speech ever.

5.  I have 20 toys in my cubicle, this includes 9 kids meal toys, 1 lucky cat, 1 stuffed penguin, 2 beanie baby promotional wilsonart dogs, a ghost, and 6 beautiful gifts!

6.  I really love kitchy things, including this weird sunflower I found in Washington DC:

7. I accidentally stole this pen from the Hyatt last weekend:

I'm a pen stealer!

Now I’m going to continue to doodle. I hope 1 person learned something during this post. I hope that person is also singing that song about being a Super Model from Clueless.

♫Lauren

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What I did this weekend!

23 Jan

My sister got married this last Saturday and I have to tell you it was incredibly awesome. The weather cleared before her ceremony, the day went on without a hitch. We giggled in incredible amount. I caught one of those bouquets she threw.  So I guess that means I’m getting married. Someone should tell Jon Hamm as I choose him to marry in sound mind.

And of course, she looked amazing! And since she is not a fan of me posting pictures of her online (I am beginning to believe she is an international Jewel thief), I have decided to show this one of the back of her dress:

You can tell from the back of her dress how amazing she looked!

What I can share about what I have learned about weddings is that they are a lot of work, A LOT OF WORK! But when you love the couple it is more than incredibly worth it. I have never worked so much at a party ever, also I had a police escort to her room with the Dollar Dance moola. And I must give another thank you to Christine, who was a guest that didn’t mind to help me!

Thanks for helping me work my sister's wedding. And dancing to Pitbull with reckless abandon. Also for not getting lost with how many people at this wedding were named Christine...

I would like to share my rating of my sister’s wedding; 2 awesome thumbs up and 1 great winky face to my sister. I hope you are bonkers happy for all eternity!

Forever your girl,

Lauren

P.S. Word to my brother, it was an honor to see you dance to “Sexy & I know it” has changed my life. And in the future will totally traumatize both of your children. Rock on Tony!

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Hi, I’m the weird girl!

19 Jan

I have been procrastinating on writing my speech for my sister’s wedding. As her maid of honor , and only person in her wedding party…Yes, that is right I am the party!

Back to my speech procrastinating… My dad has had his speech written for weeks. And as my mother lovingly threatened that she wants to hear this speech before I tell everyone at the reception that me and my sister like to watch Maury Povich’s “Baby Daddy” episodes, talk with  Jennifer Lopez accent when we want to make fun of each other, and enjoy wrapping our hair around our face to pretend to have a mustache… but then again who doesn’t do that stuff?

Last night I was stressing about the words I would say to wish my sister well. And then as I started to write them my mother told me this golden nugget:

“Remember not every one gets your humor.”

Also "EEP ORK RIBBY RIBBY"

I just would like to say that the time for weird girls is upon us. Actually, it’s also cool for the gents too… I mean Tina Fey, Gonzo the Muppet, Amy Poehler, Jimmy Fallon, Zooey Deschanel, Margaret Thatcher… The world is crazy for those goobers.

Also, thanks mom you always know what to say.

♫Lauren

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Professional Quote of the Day: January 18

18 Jan

Good Afternoon Professional Quote Enthusiasts!

It has been so very long since a quote from Professional Eric has graced the pages of Viciously Sweet. It was thought to be forgotten… until I heard that the world was suffering from a verbal professional drought! Then I recalled recent times in the office have been incredibly busy and also photoshop-less.

And then with all the magic of an 8-ball, Eric valiantly saved my computer from the viruses that plagued it, and enabled me to delve into the quote archives and resurrect the Professional Quote of the Day!

Without Eric, Professional Quote of the Day 2.0 would be impossible.

Without any further ado I present to you PQOTD2.0, volume 1:

Let us all commence data entry to honor him, professionally!

♫Lauren

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Introducing: Seductive Maple Tree

16 Jan

Did you know that sometimes I like to tease my friends?

True story. Sometimes I pretend they are in love with high-profile celebrities. Sometimes I use their own words against them. Sometimes, I like to make up countries and non-hostile Canadian takeovers to make my point.

Created to be a Southern Canadian Alternative* to Provocative Cactus (*When Canada non-hostile style takes over Mexico, and re-names the land South Canada) I bring to you Seductive Maple Tree:

Doesn’t her red leaf boa flip your lid? How about her come-hither stare? She is truly a beacon of hope for a nation! She is practically like the new lady liberty. She brings Mounties, and syrup to you Mexico!

* EDITORS NOTE: I acknowledge that this post makes me seem totally insane, but what can you do? If South Canada ever becomes a thing though, I will totally be a prophet.

Also, this is how I think the map will work out:

♫Lauren

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Lock Stock and Two Smoking Tendrils

11 Jan

Hello there internet!

I have been really busy, with being the maid of honor to my sister and her quickly approaching wedding. Seriously, its like 10 days to that thing and I’m running around like a bull in the streets of Pamplona…But, that doesn’t mean I should neglect you. I think today I’m going to tell you a story that could make any girl relate.

You know when you are just trying to have a good time, and you put a little extra effort into looking nice, and you feel like a million bucks (that’s a lot of deer’s, btw.)  And then you realize you are in the presence of an avid drinker of Haterade, their favorite flavor in this case, “Rain on Lauren’s dreams”. Well not too long ago I found myself in this situation, and I was not as drunk as I wish I could have been to have to be around this person.

I decided that with a little help of the B.F.F. I could completely ignore this person. I mean like totally ignore them, like a  CBS comedy. So then as my luck so has it, I found myself not 10 minutes later in a conversation that includes this certain person… Shoot me in the face, right? And then much like the 1993 hit of Tag Team, “whoomp, there it is” an insult out of nowhere.

“OMG. Her hair is a weave.” And that her mentioned… was me!

Just like that, like its just a fact. I was so insulted, that I really had no response. I touched my not fake hair and felt a little bitter pang. Ouch, usually I don’t put a lot of effort into myself. But I put my hair in hot rollers that day. Hot Rollers!!! I was trying to look nice!!! And then I thought if I had RuPaul was actually my fairy god mother, she would have all the words to make me feel better at that moment… all the wisdom I so desperately needed. I think she would have told this person to “Sashay away, and untuck back stage.”

Sashay away! Courtesy of: RuPaul's Drag Race Tumblr!

But this time, I really did the right thing, I think. I responded, “My hair is real, thanks.” And I ended it, I dropped the conversation and really felt like a big girl. And left to bigger and better conversations… (So I later OMG’d about it with my friends, and told my sister*, but in the moment… acted I totally acted like an adult.)

But, I’m not so much an adult that I also didn’t take the time to draw about  it:

I just used hot rollers, thanks for your casual hatred!

And I realized that this person and I shall never be friends, and that is WAY OKAY with me. I could say something like I learned to be a better person because of this situation. But I really just realized I like myself, and I’m so glad I don’t have to be in Horsetown with that Naysayer all the time! So you know what, I’m going to go on being 5 feet of tangible sunshine over here. And next time I will have a guard Kenneth with me:

Haters to the left, indeed!

♫Lauren

*Side Note: Now my sister wants a weave.

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The Mostly Sunny/ Partly Cloudy Conundrum

4 Jan

I just checked my phone for the weather.

It responded “72 degrees and mostly sunny.”

This made me laugh because I just tricked Amber into the half full/half empty game. She said my drink was half empty. There is nothing wrong with thinking a drink is half empty. It leads to hilarious results, like causing her to think every time Professional Eric cracks his neck that he’s going to burst an artery and die… but I digress.

This leads me to my current brain query. Where is this line we create to differentiate things like… is the drink really half gone or like my response “still pretty liquidy in there”? Will my phone ever tell me that it’s not longer mostly sunny, and is in fact partly cloudy? What is the difference between yellow-green and green-yellow? When will I go from moderately wanting to hit someone with my car to rolling over them?

The mind is a mystical thing.

I’m going to go contemplate life now… and draw some bathroom details.

♫Lauren

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2012: A Year of Joy, Stupidity and Raptors

3 Jan

Jolly Hollers Internet,

It’s a brand new year. I know people are running down the streets claiming to be changed people, just because as Andre 3000 would say “the year is so fresh, and so clean-clean of their previous errors.”

I am not the kind of person who does that whole resolution thing, because I have the world’s shortest attention plan,  I usually procrastinate so long that I find myself making resolutions in May. I actually like to try to make promises to myself on my birthday to make changes in my life, because unlike those people who plan their babies to be born on January 1st to win a motorcycle. My new year starts November 16, and when I make birthday goals, they are usually just fun, for example giggle as much as humanly possible- Now I giggle in my sleep, true story.

Well this year I read something that Amy Poehler said and it makes me think I should make a resolution to have more fun than ever before, and enjoy all the things that are just the best,

“Boys and girls—no one looks stupid when they’re having fun.”

I love it so much, I think this may be my new life motto.

So that weird thing you want to do… I’m in, if its fun.

And there is nothing I have more fun doing than making doodles so without any further hesitation…I present you the years first magnificent doodle:

Fun Fact: Raptors Are most Joyous when they are eating your face.

I hope 2012 s so great that we all feel like our faces are being eaten by raptors.

♫Lauren

Also good luck to all you resolution makers… I hope you succeed like crazy.

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Have A Spicy Little Christmas!

25 Dec

I hope today you are having a wonderful Christmas. Even if you are not a celebrator of Christmas I still hope you are having a rad day!

I hope you have a blast spending time with your family, eating pizza, watching Sandra Bullock movies… whatever you do (I’m so not judging.)

But whatever you are doing and where ever you are, I hope that this doodle makes you laugh just a little bit:

From Provocative Cactus to you: Have yourself a Provocative little Christmas Day!

♫Lauren

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A Viciously Sweet Guide to the Holidays

22 Dec

I will be the first to tell you I am the luckiest girl pretty much ever. Every day I am surrounded by my super fabulous family and deliciously awesome friends, and since I care not about my awkward-ness I will talk to anyone at anytime (usually about 30 Rock) but I digress. There is usually nothing that can rain on my lady parade…  Except there is a thing that happens a this time of year that people call the Holidays… and although I am all for sweet tiny baby Jesus and staring at Isabel, and all the beautiful lights… I am not down for all the non-magic of the “Holidays.”

Firstly, all those wonderful fabulous people you adore all year-long turn into crazies during the Holiday Season. Where they will on a drop of a hat go bat-sh*t crazy all over your face for putting a snow man decoration in the wrong place, or taking artistic liberties with sugar cookies. Now even strangers who will usually send a hello and a smile your way will literally slash your tires, because you want to park your car near a store that they want to buy some sort of moose shaped cheese, or underpants for their significant otter.

 

I find this aggressiveness hard to deal with since my usual response is to shut down and disarm people who have tilted to madness on the crazy scale. There is something about this cut-you-in-the-face-and-then-give-a-hug time of year that makes me want to retreat unto myself, and hide until all the people and things are normal.

Another thing that totally blows about the holidays besides that fact that you actually have to spend time outside your tent of solitude is… dealing with people you don’t like. Seriously, maybe the reason we don’t see each other 98% of the year is because we don’t get along. And even though I can try to find something nice about you, maybe your complete lack of maybe even being a human makes this hard. And maybe I will just eat a gingerbread cookie and cry inside while you are around instead of telling you, because this is the time of “togetherness”.

Now I’m not all about complaining without trying to figure out a solution (this is my kind of science)… So what can we do about this? I have been told by friends, and family that actually hiding in a tent in my parents backyard may not be the answer-

So I have come up with 3 fabulous conclusions:

 

1. Maybe it’s time to dawn a fluffy hat, or fake eyelashes, or even develop a RuPaul fixation… anything you can use as a crutch to get you through this time:

I'm going to be all Jolly Hollers!

2. I’m also thinking that I may try to interpretive dance until everyone leaves me alone. Because there is only so long one can see you “feel” the music like that one super wasted lady at any concert.

 

 

3. This is the one I always try the hardest at… stop caring. My sister tells me this every year. And every year I fail, and end up crying covered in tamale fixings while watching a Sandra Bullock movie. But this year I’m dedicated…Oh the roast needs to be put in? Um I think I’m going to go watch Spongebob, because he doesn’t yell at me for putting up twinkle lights when obviously the stair banister wants multicolored lights.

 

Have a fun Holiday time everyone. Please don’t cut me.

♫LAUREN

 

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Isabel Stare-A-thon: Periscope wrap up

20 Dec

Hello stare-ers!
Whether you are a new fan of the stare-a-thon, or an old staring buddy we here at Viciously Sweet thank you for enjoying a month dedicated to staring at Isabel!

Now that the time has come to dismantle our newly purchased periscopes I can only tell you one thing..

I hope you bought that convenient periscope holder so you can store it until the next Stare-a-thon:

 

Remember you will be judged by other starers for improper periscopes use…You will be scoffed at by the throngs of starers who will say “Check out that periscopes current condition” and then they will full-heartedly guffaw at you, and then you will be all embarrassed and you will have to stare at home online by yourself… and not with the people.

Also remember there is also a closing ceremony next Monday.

STARE-A-THON 2011. OUT.

♫Lauren

Image courtesy of :http://www.spyville.com/spy-periscope.html

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Isabel Stare-a-Thon 2011: Blurry Face Edtion

19 Dec

Good Afternoon Starers and merrymakers alike!

Today I bring to you the second to last consecutive day of the Isabel Stare-A-thon 2011.  On this second to last day I bring to you these children who stare, even though their faces are blurry:

Now you should take time to appreciate how you can stare without being blurry.

♫LAUREN

Image Property of: http://www.superblue.co.uk/

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Isabel Stare-A-Thon 2011: A Note From the Founder

15 Dec

I don’t get to say that I am the founder of many things. I mean I could say I’m the founder of Southern Canada, but that hasn’t happened yet. I could also say I created KFC,  but yet again that is a lie. And I am super bad at telling the fibs.

What I can say is that 4 years ago I started a little tiny holiday that was supposed to celebrate my friend Isabel. For the following reasons:

1. She’s really awesome

2. She’s is about 120 miles away and its a bit far when you work the 9-5 and school 24/7

3. I like staring at things, and being in architecture school I didn’t get to see my pals for quite a long time.

So when I graduated I set a goal to “see” my friends, and at the same time create a holiday to celebrate her awesomeness.. So I got this brilliant idea to stare…. directly at Isabel, and I much like her truest love Clay Aiken I never want to stop looking at her.

Now we take a month to take in Isabel. And it’s a beautiful thing.

Also I hope everyone who is staring this year is enjoying their periscopes.

♫Lauren

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Professional Quote of the Day: December 15th

15 Dec

Good Afternoon Professional Quote of the Day Fans!

It’s time that time of the year to start…. getting more professional. And to get others into the professional spirit.

While gallantly trying to save my work computer from the virus filled world buzz feed created on it a few weeks ago. Eric had to call a few companies about the softest wares on my computer, and all their proper installations. When discussing my ability to make and use spread sheets he said today’s dandy professional quote.

And since I have no Photoshop to manipulate this event…  I then collected the quote in a tiny mason jar tied it to 14 balloons, and sent it into the mountain air, and this is what the mountain returned to me.

Photoshop, 2012 will be our year…

♫Lauren

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Is Lauren Interested? A Handy Guide to Figure Out How to Make Me Listen to You

14 Dec

Have you ever wondered when you are talking to me if I am interested in what you are talking to me about? I must tell you that if you are wondering you may already have your answer. Am I looking far away into space? Am I giggling in the middle of your words? Sorry about that friend, my brain goes at approximately 234 miles per second.

Lauren's Note: Sorry that this doodle scares you, Amber.

Now venture into the next zone carefully:

Firstly, ask yourself  is this really news I need to hear? Be honest with yourself. If the answer is no… walk away, until you made your story into an awesome concoction that I can’t live without.

If your answer is yes, I need to know about it instantly. You may want to use some Lauren convo traps. (I have a feeling that giving away my secrets may be a huge mistake, but I want to hear about new and exciting things, trap me into learning!)

The bait was something shiny!

1. Have you mentioned “the Cure” in any way? Mentioning Robert Smith and his brethren of musical accompaniments may help me  completely tune into what you are saying. Friday I’m in… totally listening to you.

In my imagination we could totally go get gelato and buy matching lipstick...

2. Have you thought of mentioning 30 Rock? If not you should! You may just blow my mind grapes with your witty repertoire.

I would wolf my teamster sub for Floyd.

3. If you may be losing me in conversation don’t fret… bring up chickens! Be they fried, doodled, free range, applying for drivers licenses in Arkansas… I’m there.

Chicken its the best food, and your best friend

4. Art, lets talk about it.. Mondrian, Hopper, Munch, Shag, Bob Dob, Utrillo, Kahlo…

Also Lets make famous art into chickens... combining numbers is muy bueno.

5. Am I going to get a present at the end of this conversation? Just give me a present. People should really give me more presents anyway.

Today the Dab gave me a rubber band, a paper clip and a binder clip... I was overjoyed.

6. Lets talk architecture. This is separate from art, because it is kind of my real profession and all.Tell me about your favorite building mid convo, I want to know about it. And if you can weave that into the story your telling… all the better.

Architectural PUNS!

7. This thing you are talking about…  are you super passionate about it? Does it drive your existence? I love to hear that kind of stuff… I mean if you are really into your story… How could it not become a classic for all ages?

I hope you love it when I talk about gelato

8. Are you talking about an instance that happened to someone I know… that always helps, so I can imagine… I’m usually hoping for a funny circumstance or something… But if its someone I don’t really like- like at all, lets not tell the story. Let’s instead talk about #1-7.

I need an owl to help me out in this situation

And that is really it. Help me become a better listener! I really want to hear all about that really cool thing that happened to you that one time when that other thing happened.

♫Lauren

P (to the ) S: that was a lot of doodles.

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Isabel Stare-A-Thon

13 Dec

 Good Afternoon Starers!

I hope you are having a lovely Tuesday. On this December 13th (7 days left, OMG) I bring to you a British fan of gazing at Isabel yes Declan McManus international jewel thief is an avid starer- I mean Elvis Costello, yes Elvis Costello… he like to stare:

 
His Stare is True

Have a funtastic stare day! I’m working on a beautiful post!

♫Lauren

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Professional Quote Of the Day: December 12th

12 Dec

It’s that magical time of the day where I need to quote my ever so professional co-worker. Sadly, the Professional Quote of the Day has not been in daily observance due to the importance of the Isabel Stare-A-thon 2011.

Frankly, I cannot take my eyes off of my periscope pointed San Diego way to get a steady flow of professional quotes a happening this holiday season.

But today is different. Today is a quote I have been saving for a special occasion, and this cold rainy afternoon is that very occasion. So without further ado I present to you a Professional Christmas Quote:

Don’t you love the joy of Eric’s professional words in glittery Christmas text?

Now, lets all get back to staring at Isabel!

♫Lauren

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Isabel Stare-A-Thon 2011: Back to Clay-sics

12 Dec

Good Stare-A-thon Monday to you world!

With 9 tender official days of the stare-a-thon left I decided to find out how Clay Aiken (Isabel’s truest love) feels about the stare-a-thon:

The answer is… he has never heard of it.

PSYCH!

He loves it! He ordered his periscope early and has been watching her from Clay’s La Jolla bar/grill/ Isabel Stare-Zone

Really a Real Place. You should go there.

He is one of the founding members of the Gingers-For-Staring-At-Isabel-Initiative (GFSAII), which is not 200 members strong!

 

In fact today he’s even introducing an official Isabel Stare-A-Thon song, which you can hear on his latest Heart-Aiken album:

So today be just like Clay Aiken, keep some Isabel in your heart!

♫Lauren

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