The Tragic Kingdom

i feel like some Gwen Stefani right now without spectacular abs…

My life has been like super crazy hectic lately.

I don’t know when it happened… But my boring drawing-in-my-pajamas-lifestyle is disappearing.

And it’s being replaced by the life of someone who to keep dates straight… has a calendar.

A CALENDAR for crying out loud!

I now have to know when dates of the week are… and well that has never been one of my strong points. And then I have to remind myself to not doodle over days on said calendar.

And for a first time calendar user. I can tell you I’m not super into it. It’s severely cramping my lifestyle. I’ve always relied on being an “artist” and just wafting all about… like one day I’m here next day I’m some place else. Following my proverbial sun to wherever I need to go….

Will I call you back? Will you see me before the seasons change? The world may never know.

And now there are schedules, and deadlines. And for some reason… I just seem to keep failing at all of them.

Meet you here at this time? I’m either super early, or nope… I forgot this and now we have to reschedule…

And now I’m stressed out. And the only way I can de-stress is to make light of my last week of failures.

and now without fail….

Lauren’s week of Blunders:

– Losing my pants… where did they go? I have no idea. But the weather is changing and I don’t want to wear tights under my dresses everyday. This is not practical. I’m about to put out a flyer looking for them.

– Forgetting how calendars work… why are we arguing about days of the week??? Because I was looking in the wrong month. Yeah, I am not used to calendars.

– Falling to the earth for no apparent reason while standing and talking to my mother. She probably thinks I was drunk. Every time I do something strange she assumes both alcohol & drugs.

– The always dangerous, the dress you are wearing is see through… And now everyone has seen your superman underpants. Why do dresses not seem sheer when you are trying them on? Why do superman underpants show through everything?

-Everything I have done at work… I mean EVERYTHING! Any time I try to do things the right way… and I end up crying… and my boss has not been super nice to me lately either. I have contemplated becoming a gypsy and a hot dog attendant at weinerschnitzel several times in the last week. Or a combination of the two “Gypsyschnitzel” has a great appeal to it. I imagine a lot of tambourines and sauerkraut.

– I also can’t find my sneakers and think there is conspiracy happening… where did one pants and one shoe go to? I’m thinking Jack White stole them…. and I can’t explain why.

-And everything pertaining to relationships (part of my need for a calendar) Apparently people get upset when you tell them… you have no time for them.

I’m done with my blunders… Okay this all seems kinda negative.

So onto some positive things

– I have been doodling more lately… which is better than all the nothing I was drawing last month.

-New TV is on and by that I mean… “The Mindy Project” & “Parks & Recreation”. I seem to watch nothing else.

-My internet adds are all for new shoes and yeti merchandise.

-I’m getting pizza in a few minutes and I feel like this:

image via: this very tumblr

Peace & Pizza & better days ahead.


Excuse me Miss… your confidence is showing.

This week I’ve been living in the future. True story. And it’s not like the Jestson’s future. I can see the good things that are heading my way. I mean I just got paid for making doodles for people. I have a client based on something I see as the most fun side project ever!

And when I met up with my good pal Christine this week she told me that I was looking way more confident than usual. And honestly, I think I am. I am not like on a Charlie Sheen “winning” high or anything. I just know that my optimism is going to get me somewhere really great. And in the middle of this icky tunnel I’m in, I see out the other end and that all the little things I can do well are really going to help me in the future, especially when I emerge from the other side. And most importantly all these things/people trying to bring me down are just temporary. In fact I have how I feel about it lusciously illustrated below:

Also I think this is the best time of anytime to share that I’m going to make this doodling thing into a side business made with heart. I want to make shirts, and bags, table cloths, pillows, and birthday party hats. I want to make custom doodles for people. I want to share my joy with as many people as possible. And I’m going to do it. Maybe you’ll pick up a bag or hat or just keep reading and smiling… stay around and watch my dream come true.


Into the Light of AWESOME

Today I made a post. And then I looked back at it and it was not the kind of post this Lauren wants to make. It was in fact such a downer, I am not going to post it at all. But I’m still going to tell you the meat of the issue (that is one gross term isn’t it?)

It was about someone I don’t like. I feel like I’ve mentioned it so many times, I’m blue in the face…. I think I’m done with it.

Cue the applause from my friends who have had to hear about it for years. Yes, I think I’m done. I have come to notice lately that this one particular person who super doesn’t like me… also doesn’t really mean a hill of beans to me either. And although I dislike having to interact with them, what can I really do about it? I would prefer she leave my bubble of existence, but it’s not going to happen. So I’m going to grin and bear it.

I feel the best way I can make this analysis is by saying this person is like a zit on picture day. They show up out of nowhere and try ruin my day, but then I remember I can always Photoshop it away!

Now, I’m not a saint or anything, I’m really just trying here. And I can accept this certain person and I both have flaws. I am here to say one of mine is not being crazy about her, but still I’m nice enough to not want to let her bring me down. I still think her dislike of me is unfounded, because I’m not as unscrupulous as her insecurities, or more so her jealousies would have her think.

I’m just a girl with a pink polka dot shirt, and a smile after all.

And that is how I’m going to stay. I would like to take this time to tell you I am going to lead myself away from the “Darkness of Suck” and into the “Light of Awesome.”

So with that thought I leave you this really bad rendition of Liberty Leading the People by Eugène Delacroix:

I call it "Les Mustachless"

I’m Outie. I’m going to go be giggly somewhere.


The Mostly Sunny/ Partly Cloudy Conundrum

I just checked my phone for the weather.

It responded “72 degrees and mostly sunny.”

This made me laugh because I just tricked Amber into the half full/half empty game. She said my drink was half empty. There is nothing wrong with thinking a drink is half empty. It leads to hilarious results, like causing her to think every time Professional Eric cracks his neck that he’s going to burst an artery and die… but I digress.

This leads me to my current brain query. Where is this line we create to differentiate things like… is the drink really half gone or like my response “still pretty liquidy in there”? Will my phone ever tell me that it’s not longer mostly sunny, and is in fact partly cloudy? What is the difference between yellow-green and green-yellow? When will I go from moderately wanting to hit someone with my car to rolling over them?

The mind is a mystical thing.

I’m going to go contemplate life now… and draw some bathroom details.


I got no pants on me

I really don’t have pants on… but that is because, I am wearing a dress.
For all of you people out there who don’t want to wear pants on a fine day like today, I say take them off….
Yep a day designated to just chonie it out if you want… but a warning: once you stop pants-ing you may not want to go back to your panted ways after today.

I know I don’t:

On a side note: All I can think about now is Tobias being a never nude….


My kingdom for a Pizza

This is kind of a new Installment of Storytime with Lauren.
Once upon a time there was a girl who wanted food at Disneyland.
Remember when I was up in arms about fried chicken?
Well it’s happened again. After the terrible loss of fried chicken, I have moved my desired Disney food to the pizza realm.
Pizza from its german/pinnochio themed experience:

Because not only does it have pizza but it plays yodeling music, which is awesome to eat pizza to. It makes you want to slap on some lederhosen, and craft a child our of wood.

Well when I got to the old Village Haus. I was surprised as hell to see that it was boarded up and closed.

The sign said “If you want to enjoy pizza go to the Rocket Port.” Being that Rocket port pizza is nasty and by the slice I said “Let’s just go to the by the slice place in California adventure.”

This is how far I had to go to get this:

And when I got there… the Restaurant was torn down. No pizza for anyone. Sometimes Disney stories have awful endings….

Seriously, Her?

Does anyone know somebody they just don’t get? I feel like this when I think about certain individuals… It only makes me think about something very similar to Ann Veal from “Arrested Development”…

You know, “her”… in fact everyone knows one. Just a girl that doesn’t stand out for any reason…

I think everyone has experienced this feeling before:

Seriously, “her”?