Lock Stock and Two Smoking Tendrils

11 Jan

Hello there internet!

I have been really busy, with being the maid of honor to my sister and her quickly approaching wedding. Seriously, its like 10 days to that thing and I’m running around like a bull in the streets of Pamplona…But, that doesn’t mean I should neglect you. I think today I’m going to tell you a story that could make any girl relate.

You know when you are just trying to have a good time, and you put a little extra effort into looking nice, and you feel like a million bucks (that’s a lot of deer’s, btw.)  And then you realize you are in the presence of an avid drinker of Haterade, their favorite flavor in this case, “Rain on Lauren’s dreams”. Well not too long ago I found myself in this situation, and I was not as drunk as I wish I could have been to have to be around this person.

I decided that with a little help of the B.F.F. I could completely ignore this person. I mean like totally ignore them, like a  CBS comedy. So then as my luck so has it, I found myself not 10 minutes later in a conversation that includes this certain person… Shoot me in the face, right? And then much like the 1993 hit of Tag Team, “whoomp, there it is” an insult out of nowhere.

“OMG. Her hair is a weave.” And that her mentioned… was me!

Just like that, like its just a fact. I was so insulted, that I really had no response. I touched my not fake hair and felt a little bitter pang. Ouch, usually I don’t put a lot of effort into myself. But I put my hair in hot rollers that day. Hot Rollers!!! I was trying to look nice!!! And then I thought if I had RuPaul was actually my fairy god mother, she would have all the words to make me feel better at that moment… all the wisdom I so desperately needed. I think she would have told this person to “Sashay away, and untuck back stage.”

Sashay away! Courtesy of: RuPaul's Drag Race Tumblr!

But this time, I really did the right thing, I think. I responded, “My hair is real, thanks.” And I ended it, I dropped the conversation and really felt like a big girl. And left to bigger and better conversations… (So I later OMG’d about it with my friends, and told my sister*, but in the moment… acted I totally acted like an adult.)

But, I’m not so much an adult that I also didn’t take the time to draw about  it:

I just used hot rollers, thanks for your casual hatred!

And I realized that this person and I shall never be friends, and that is WAY OKAY with me. I could say something like I learned to be a better person because of this situation. But I really just realized I like myself, and I’m so glad I don’t have to be in Horsetown with that Naysayer all the time! So you know what, I’m going to go on being 5 feet of tangible sunshine over here. And next time I will have a guard Kenneth with me:

Haters to the left, indeed!


*Side Note: Now my sister wants a weave.


8 Responses to “Lock Stock and Two Smoking Tendrils”

  1. Jen February 15, 2012 at 5:37 pm #

    Poor you. Meeeoow! Obviously, I can say this because I don’t know the person you’re speaking of…um, jealous much? Totally. They’d obviously kill for your luscious locks.

    • Viciously Sweet February 15, 2012 at 7:38 pm #

      I was writing about this very person when you made this comment. I’m so oblivious to things that I just realized (after years of hurtful comments) that this girl probably is jealous of me. It’s just really sad and strange to me… I did get a good doodle out of it though

      • Jen February 15, 2012 at 7:45 pm #

        Whaaa? Firstly…don’t you think its strange that out of all your old posts, I made a comment on that one just as you were writing about that person. I think I’m starting to freak myself out. Lol.

        Secondly, as unnatural as it seems to be for you and me to behave that way, some people just feel the need to bring others down to make themselves feel better. Its very ugly behaviour. Console yourself with the fact you have b*tchin’ hair!

      • Viciously Sweet February 15, 2012 at 10:52 pm #

        Thanks a million. Your comments have made me laugh so much this week. And thanks to the internet for letting us awesome girls find eachother!

      • Jen February 16, 2012 at 2:11 am #

        I completely agree! :) Who knew a seemingly innocent doodle of a girl in a sailor outfit would spark something so awesome as this!!!

        Thanks so much for reading me and making delicious comments! You bring sparkle to my day!

      • Viciously Sweet February 16, 2012 at 8:26 am #

        I love that you use the word “delicious” I use it so much in actual convo that people actually started to make fun of it.
        Have a razz-ma-tazz kind of day!


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