This is why I cut you

| Viciously Sweet

I have been extra spicy lately. And by that I mean a little more bite your face off.
Now I only really notice this when I am at work and I think it could be for the following reasons:

1. I am suffering from “cubicle fever.” I honest to goodness feel the 8×8 yellow walls closing in on me…
2. It is quieter than mime hell in this office. And I’m not the only one here? What kind of frothy hell am I in?
3. The office penguin needs a fresh new hat. Pirate Penguins are so last season.
4. The temperature in the office is set on make Lauren into “Encino Man.” And I’m not really into Brendan Fraser.
5. I really want to see my new niece. She’s so fresh.
6. There is no “Mad Men” on TV. And it’s what I want, what I really really want.
7. The Beach boys do not enunciate their words in “Barbara Ann.” This is an absolute concern to me today.
8. I want to be dressed like Elvira, for all the rest of time. But no one can handle me being that provocative. Also I don’t think that hair will fit in my car.
9.The apple I brought to work today was supposed to be a “golden delicious,” and it was more of a “yellow mushy”… also it tasted only like wet.
10. I only remembered 175 countries out of the 198 countries in the world. Darn you Caribbean Islands, especially you Grenada. Because I totally forgot you existed.

I’m in serious need of a Photoshop break.

♫Lauren

Provocative Cactus gets Salacious

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Hey There Doodle Lovers,
I know that this website is usually a beacon of truth and cleanliness.

But now that Provocative Cactus is around she wants to push the envelope.
And now she’s now even wearing her cactus covers, but Tipper Gore found her before she could get online all uncensored:

Now that is a whole lotta cactus.
♫Lauren

Advice Lauren: Your vegetables

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Hi Everybody!
I was thinking about making a casual advice column on my blog.

Because I’m full or rad ideas.

So today I give you a very special kernel of advice which can work for anyone:

And if you don’t you’ll most likely die. Because you don’t know where your food has been, it could have been all butt to mouth, and you wouldn’t even know.

♫Lauren

Professional Quote of the Day: October 13th

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The time has come to get your PQOTD on!

Professionals don’t need a play by-play. They are looking at the future. They are strategizing for possible outcomes. They are making excel spreadsheets based on 7 years in the future.

In short a true professional has already thought all the things you have already thought and all the things you eventually will.

Let’s tie that in with a Professional Quote of the Day:

In fact, Eric’s thinking ahead is landing his thoughts in the summer of 2022.
He’s so got a pie chart brewing in his heart for that.

♫Lauren

Professional Quote of the Day: October 12th

| Viciously Sweet

Good Afternoon Professional Quote Enthusiasts!

There has been a serious lack of professionalism on this blog lately and I am going to bring an end to it!

Have you ever been in the presence of a professional whose reports are so pristine, drawings so flawless, details so error-less. And you want to give them a professional salute?

Then beads of sweat appear on your brow, and dread fills your innards. How do you give a professional salute? Is is a high-five? No, too Bill and Ted. Is it with 2 fingers? 4? All 10?

Well worry no more Professional Eric is back with the PQOTD and he’s going to teach you about professional protocol:

*Relief* Now I know what to do next time! And apparently 4 finger salutes are for hippies. And they don’t salute professionals.
♫Lauren

I’m just here for the fun

| Viciously Sweet

Historically, Lauren’s aren’t into doing things that they don’t like even though they have a hard time saying no.

Much like Cyndi Lauper’s song about the ladies… this Lauren just wants to have fun:

So I’m going to go have fun… and more so, I’m done with not having fun when I want to appease others.

And well this historic Lauren can tell you the rest:

Lauren out.
♫Lauren