Subliminal Dressing

The title of this post seems a little sexier than my posts probably are. So how am I going to combine “subliminal messages” with clothing and my blinding optimism together? Well brace yourself this blog is about to get *snaps fingers together* thrilling.

Well, let’s just say I discovered based on the way I dress to work, I can control the conversations had in the office. It’s happened a few times in a few outfits, and I think its hilarious. My clothing has caused long discussions of the Wedding Singer, Wonder Woman, 80s teen movies, and 13 going on 30. Basically my wheelhouse of interests since I usually try to avoid talking to my coworkers about anything resembling my personal life (sorry Amber, this is why I enjoy my corner seat… I only talk to you!)

Anyways a few weeks ago I went shopping and got found this dress. It made me feel like singing about how pretty I feel. Basically I was like channeling Maria from “West Side Story.” When I left the dressing room this other store customer told me sassily “That dress is all you.” I was thrilled. I bought it and I felt pity on any girl that wasn’t in that dress (not really, that’s a little harsh.)

So I finally got the time in the morning to wear my dress and make myself look like a human. I got to work and by 9:30 Johnny was snapping his fingers and talking about the gangs in “West Side Story.” Only an hour and a half in and I was a success. We discussed Bernardo and his purple suits… and then we pondered why any gangs would pick orange and purple as their colors. I mean those are like soda colors. Like Kool-Aid flavors. And really nonthreatening, btw. I mean imagine being accosted by a man in a purple well fitted suit. What can he really do to you… give you a makeover? Not let you go to the dance?

I feel pretty witty and bright too!

And just in case you want to put on a red dress and sing this song… you don’t even have to go far:

Also, don’t tell Chino… he’s totally lame.

♥Lauren

Fashion Advice from Lauren

I totally promised that I would post a doodle tonight. And I will follow through.

I really have so much going on that taking a moment for a doodle was the best thing I have done this week. And if there is anything that I super care about besides doodles, Christmas, and boats and stuff… is fashion. I consider myself to be a pretty fashionable girl. Well I have personal style… Because most people don’t consider fashion being in your 20s and trying to dress like some That Girl, Mary Ann from Gilligan’s Island hybrid. I have always followed the creed of Madonna and express myself with my funky fresh threads and curly hair, so although I may not always be in fashion… I feel like a totally rad, really short, super model.

And just because I like the way I dress. I wouldn’t tell anyone to not wear something they love if they feel that it expresses their inner being. You want to wear that yellow leisure suit, go for it banana brother. You want to have permed bangs, rock them Lunch Lady Awesome. You want to dress like a 16th century nobleman, Feudalize yourself freaky dude. You rock your look until the sun comes up. There is just one thing  I ask in this world full of tie dye stretch pants to never ever wear:

https://i2.wp.com/img.photobucket.com/albums/v516/YolkieFan27/IMAG7403-1.jpg

They may hold your wallet and sunblock, and collection of shrinky dinks. But they make your junk sad.

Lauren

The Duality of My Nature

Now some of you may know I’m kind of a girly girl. Like, a serious matching-jewelry-to-my-sweater-to-my-soul, kind of girl. Like, I skip on clouds made of cotton candy kind of girl. And this by the way is all true, my soul is bright orange and covered in flowers, and my the bottoms of my shoes are sticky.

However, even for a girly girl I have to have time out to just chill. And this is where I bring out on display my two polar opposite senses of style. Let me describe them a little for you.

1. My “I’m so fancy, and sparkly” look. This transcends all of my usual outfits that make me look like a sailor from a 1960s musical or Jenna Rink from “13 going on 30”. When I get fancy… it is ornate. There are fake eyelashes, diamond flaked mascara. There is serious fancy time hair. There are borrowed jewels. Basically you take me out for a fancy night… I’m going to show up looking like we’re going to the Academy Awards. (This is also probably why no one takes me to nice places, but why I’m tops on the bring a date list to company parties. Just in case you are wondering, I can clean up well, and I like appetizers.)

2. My “Liz Lemon having it all” outfits. This is when I’m comfortable, and it usually very shortly follows my “fancy” look. This is when I have no more patience for trying to look nice. This is that moment when your makeup is begging to be washed off. This coincides with the moment I can’t imagine living without my  pajama pants and a tank top. There is also sometimes a sweat shirt involved. And since I only own 1 sweatshirt there is a 100% chance that it is a “Montana Grizzlies” sweatshirt. And when I’m dressed like that my only accessories are my glasses, a blanket, and a remote control. Because when we have reached the point of “Liz Lemoning” I’m down for comfy times, and comfy times involve me eating cheesy snacks and being wrapped in a blanket as Vanellope Von Schweetz says in “Wreck-it Ralph”, “I wrap myself up like a little old homeless lady”.

Now I am sharing this story because The weekend of my birthday I went out with my BFF Christine. And I was fancy. I had decked my own halls, I was like a Christmas Tree prepared for a lighting ceremony. (It was my birthday, after all.) And then… then, I got back to her apartment and shed all my fanciness to reveal my plain old self. Now don’t get me wrong even plain Lauren is still sparkly… because I sparkle from the inside… I just well…

———————- 2 minute time break————————–

And the rest of the time I look like Mary Ann from Gilligan’s Island. And to those who think my styles are weird, I’m comfortable with every style I have, because it’s all in fun. True story.

Lauren

Jimmy and the Fashion Statement

I would like to think I’m a very fashionable girl. You know, if you are into girls who as my coworkers call me “Dress Like America.” And by that they mean, I wear a lot of nautical clothing.

My Current Fashion Icon: Mary Ann Summers from Gilligan’s Island. Yep, I’m only 45 years behind in fashion/ updates in clothing. But who else out there has 7 straw purses for various straw purse occasions?

But lately someone is crashing my fashion forefront and that is my dear friend Jimmy. He’s becoming the trendiest trendster out there, and no he’s not buying stove pipe hats, and he’s not becoming a Lincoln impersonator.

He’s forsaken izod’s and polo’s and started to dress more like a happening dude of the 1930s… because that is how Jimmy’s are. I think all this is fine and dandy until he sent me a picture of an overly striped jacket with extra stripes on it…

And then he told me it was $800. And when my brain regained consciousness it could only make this doodle:

So much money for a sweater that doesn't work in the cold!

 

I told him there are better things to do with $800. Like take a trip to Chicago, go to Santa Barbara for a few days… Buy 3,200 chicken nuggets… Join a gym for 5 years… Buy uncountable erasers… get 1,600 prizes from a $.50 machine… give me $800 dollars…. Because if you don’t have Kardashian loads of money… friends don’t let friends buy $800 sweaters.

So Jimmy… no, to that sweater.

♫Lauren

I like the way you swing your briefcase

Okay so this is mostly about how I am ashamed of myself for watching ABC Family’s “Beauty and the Briefcase.” It sounded alright…. Hillary Duff, cute clothes, Matt Dallas, hilarious office shenanigans…

 

But, it turned out so very very wrong.

I really must say I watched it because of this particular guy:

who was on this particular show:

with this kid from “Glee”:

BUT what I didn’t expect  is that although Matt Dallas was refered to as starring in this Movie.  It really meant he was only in it for 5-8 minutes. And she never gave him a chance… to talk or anything. LAME!

What I found is that the character in this movie were highly improbable and at the same time unlikable.  Hillary Duff is writing an undercover piece for Cosmopolitan Magazine about finding love with a professional man. As all she does is wear colorful clothing, drink with the guys from her office, and lament over a list concocted as a teenage girl to find the dreamiest guy. By the way her answer to dreamy guy is some dude with a foreign accent, who travels on a whim, and is suprising.

This is how I imagine him:

 And on a bonus of a sidenote: All her and her friends talk about are men and sex while wearing hideous avocado masks, drinking wine in a box and eating junk food. Which is apparently exactly how girls act. And although she knows nothing about business, she tries to save the company with her trendy presentation skills. Even more lame.

Oh and she keeps referring to her “dream guy” as a “magic man”… this is all I could think of:

Yeah that is apparently all women do.  I found this movie an exact copy of “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days” and “13 going on 30” without any of the depth. And these movies are not exactly deep. Not even her “I dress really cute” clothes could save this movie.

So if you want to watch a cute movie about a girl and fashion magazines, always go for Jenna Rink. Thank you for your time.

♫LAUREN

P.S. Why does ABC Family keep telling me its “a different kind of family”. It sounds like they are pedophiles.