This week I have started a craze in the office that is Michael Jackson themed.
I cannot for some reason get over the song “You wanna be Startin’ Something” Mostly because firstly it may be the catchiest thing ever recorded. Secondly it has the best insult in it of all time:
“You’re a vegetable”
It can be used in any conversation.
Ex.
Friend: So. Politically speaking….
You: You’re a vegetable!
—————
Boss: Can you file these papers?
You: You’re a vegetable
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Mailman: How are you today?
You: You’re a vegetable
—————
You: You’re a vegetable
Pee Wee Herman: I know you are. But what am I?
—————
Thank you Michael Jackson for making my life more fun than ever before:
And I didn’t color it because it doesn’t matter if it’s black or white!
This time of year is a really fabulous time. You get to see the world be a little cheerier.
But it is also a time of plentiful get together’s, parties, meet and greets… and the ever exclusive couples parties (that I attend in my own special unicorn fashion). These parties make me excited to get to see my friends, and pray that they are wearing a Christmas sweater that is enough to make Bill Cosby enviable. I always do something at these events (like fall into a planter, forget everyone’s name) and this helps me remember that I am an awkward goof.
Now being a goof is really great at certain times…. I can lighten up a family shindig. I can can tell an entertaining tale, I can have my friends in stitches (of laughter, I’m not violent). But not every party is just friends, and some parties are mandatory and full of people who rather don’t like you.
This is when I want to climb into my bedazzled cocoon, because no matter what I do these people will talk down to me. The will say cruel and unnecessary comments about my style, lifestyle, weight, and anything that strikes them at the moment. This is the very thing I dread each year about the holiday season.
But this year is different. This year, I really don’t care.
I would be a heart shaped peg if I was a peg… this is an amazing truth!
And the reason I don’t care is that…. I like me. And if you feel the same way about the holiday season… remember there is only ONE you for a reason (unless you are a multiple) and you being around is an awesome thing. So what if the people you have to spend time with don’t think you are that fantastic… somewhere out there other people do. I know I sound like a Hallmark Card, but if you are reading this you are an AWESOME person. Simply, because you are. So go around this holiday season being yourself around not so nice coworkers, or weird uncles, or mean mothers in line to buy toys for their children. So what if they don’t like you… Just like being yourself! I’m so awkward!
Be wonderful to everyone, especially if they don’t deserve it.
I totally promised that I would post a doodle tonight. And I will follow through.
I really have so much going on that taking a moment for a doodle was the best thing I have done this week. And if there is anything that I super care about besides doodles, Christmas, and boats and stuff… is fashion. I consider myself to be a pretty fashionable girl. Well I have personal style… Because most people don’t consider fashion being in your 20s and trying to dress like some That Girl, Mary Ann from Gilligan’s Island hybrid. I have always followed the creed of Madonna and express myself with my funky fresh threads and curly hair, so although I may not always be in fashion… I feel like a totally rad, really short, super model.
And just because I like the way I dress. I wouldn’t tell anyone to not wear something they love if they feel that it expresses their inner being. You want to wear that yellow leisure suit, go for it banana brother. You want to have permed bangs, rock them Lunch Lady Awesome. You want to dress like a 16th century nobleman, Feudalize yourself freaky dude. You rock your look until the sun comes up. There is just one thing I ask in this world full of tie dye stretch pants to never ever wear:
They may hold your wallet and sunblock, and collection of shrinky dinks. But they make your junk sad.
Now some of you may know I’m kind of a girly girl. Like, a serious matching-jewelry-to-my-sweater-to-my-soul, kind of girl. Like, I skip on clouds made of cotton candy kind of girl. And this by the way is all true, my soul is bright orange and covered in flowers, and my the bottoms of my shoes are sticky.
However, even for a girly girl I have to have time out to just chill. And this is where I bring out on display my two polar opposite senses of style. Let me describe them a little for you.
1. My “I’m so fancy, and sparkly” look. This transcends all of my usual outfits that make me look like a sailor from a 1960s musical or Jenna Rink from “13 going on 30”. When I get fancy… it is ornate. There are fake eyelashes, diamond flaked mascara. There is serious fancy time hair. There are borrowed jewels. Basically you take me out for a fancy night… I’m going to show up looking like we’re going to the Academy Awards. (This is also probably why no one takes me to nice places, but why I’m tops on the bring a date list to company parties. Just in case you are wondering, I can clean up well, and I like appetizers.)
2. My “Liz Lemon having it all” outfits. This is when I’m comfortable, and it usually very shortly follows my “fancy” look. This is when I have no more patience for trying to look nice. This is that moment when your makeup is begging to be washed off. This coincides with the moment I can’t imagine living without my pajama pants and a tank top. There is also sometimes a sweat shirt involved. And since I only own 1 sweatshirt there is a 100% chance that it is a “Montana Grizzlies” sweatshirt. And when I’m dressed like that my only accessories are my glasses, a blanket, and a remote control. Because when we have reached the point of “Liz Lemoning” I’m down for comfy times, and comfy times involve me eating cheesy snacks and being wrapped in a blanket as Vanellope Von Schweetz says in “Wreck-it Ralph”, “I wrap myself up like a little old homeless lady”.
Now I am sharing this story because The weekend of my birthday I went out with my BFF Christine. And I was fancy. I had decked my own halls, I was like a Christmas Tree prepared for a lighting ceremony. (It was my birthday, after all.) And then… then, I got back to her apartment and shed all my fanciness to reveal my plain old self. Now don’t get me wrong even plain Lauren is still sparkly… because I sparkle from the inside… I just well…
———————- 2 minute time break————————–
And the rest of the time I look like Mary Ann from Gilligan’s Island. And to those who think my styles are weird, I’m comfortable with every style I have, because it’s all in fun. True story.
It’s finally here. The day we’ve all been waiting for.
Fangsgiving.
So make sure you cook your undead turkey, hang your spiderwebs, bake your store bought apple pie and just sit back and relax. The day is here for you and your spooky-scary friends and family. Make the most of it, and don’t go out in the sun. I think you may melt or sparkle:
Just remember to fang it up!
In all honesty, have a wonderful weekend. Eat. Buy things. And be wonderful.
I am still trying to hold on to Halloween. Mostly because I’m not a big Thanksgiving fan.
I mean I love having a day dedicated to being thankful. I get to see my family… but I really cannot stand cornucopias.
And I am always afraid their little coned shaped wicker horn is going to show up and provide my day of thankfulness with a serious visual blight.
So I suggest a new jazzy holiday. One that combines the sheer magic of Halloween and the thankfulness of Thanksgiving:
And see you still get all the best parts of the holidays… spooky scary things and food! The best part is that the cornucopia must check itself at the door.
And you can party safely without the fear of that horn of plenty getting in your way.
Hi Internet. This is a new type of post for me. It’s a pro/con subject matter. And this one is about cornucopia’s. If you find yourself questioning the existence of the horn of plenty… this is the article Phil Collins would say you’ve been waiting for all your life.
Pro Cornucopia: Amber’s side of the cornucopia debate
I’m indifferent. They just hold fruit and stuff… I don’t see the big deal.
I don’t love them or hate them.
Indifferently yours,
Amber
Con Cornucopia: Lauren’s Cornucopia Conundrum
It’s Lauren. And I have something to tell you. I don’t like cornucopia’s. The back story of this is that when I was a kid I loved to check the brand new calendar to see what day of the week my birthday was. Like every other cool kid out there I prayed it never landed on a Wednesday… because it would be too far to wait for a weekend! But the calendar always had alternative plans for me…
Unlike my sister who was born in July and usually had beautiful pictures of fireworks. And my parents born in June had beaches, summer in full swing. And both Christine and Isabel born in March who would have fields of gorgeous flowers for their calendar month. And the children of December who had these fantastic winter scenes, Christmas, promises for the New Year… and of course October and September riddled with the most gorgeous changing leaf colors you have ever seen. And then there was November… and the Cornucopia.
It was on a table, near a turkey, with a pilgrim, with an Indian. It was featured by itself, it was outside marring the beautiful scenery. But it was always there. And even on the calendars without a picture it would sneak its little wicker basket self in there.
Horns of sadness is more like it
And when I grew up I started to resent it, not just because of the beauty of the other months. But because the cornucopia was always so forced. I never remember us having one for any other day. I don’t remember getting a cornucopia to celebrate the crisp days of autumn, from a horn of plenty lot. Actually it was just wicker with plastic fruit on my grandma’s kitchen table. And it was only out for Thanksgiving. Now here is the moment we can all admit it’s not as charming as a Christmas tree, it’s not as fun as an Easter basket stuffed with candy, and it definitely could not hold a candle to a pink foiled doily valentine, heck it can’t even compete with Flag Day. It’s just a wicker horn with vegetables in it. And since I never have had to live a cold winter clutching my wicker horn to get me through the long nights, I just can’t get into it.
I also want to take this time to share from first to sixth grade I had to color the same cornucopia color page… every year. It may have even been this picture:
linked from family color pages. Featuring Families that color horns of seasonal fruits and vegetables
And one more thing about cornucopia’s. They are not even very convenient. I mean I don’t carry around horns of water. Or horns of markers. When I go to the market I don’t say “Horn” when they ask “Paper or plastic”. There are so many better ways to hold things. Bags, boxes, those little packs on the sides of mules. I just don’t get their horn-shaped allure.
And although this week I will get to see my family and eat wonderful food with them. And I will have a fantastic time… there is just a little hesitation knowing that a horned foe may show up. I just hope that we have plenty too cumbersome to fit in that wicker horn… if you know what I mean.
I have very odd selected daily goals, and the weirder they are the joy of completing them is greater.
At work I have many professional goals… you know deadlines and the sort… but I always keep some spare time for a little giggly goal.
And this goal is not really a secret:
Today I read her a exterior canvas catalog in a spicy Marilyn Monroe kind of accent. We both laughed so hard we had to stop… and somehow I ended up shoe-less.
I’m so awkward!
Viciously Sweet 