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Mystery Wares

15 May

Sometimes your life can be like a fairytale, or sometimes it’s more like weird mystery show that Elvira hosts.

Well this week I was left responsible for cleaning out the fridge… and it felt like I was a character in the latter.

I was in the homestretch of cleaning out that sucker when I came to one particular item.

A simple innocuous tupperware.

Now it had been so long since I have seen this tupperware. I questioned what was inside it…

But it had been so lone since I’ve seen that tupperware like I previously stated it was too afraid.

Minutes after staring and swizzzling this little creature around,

I opened it.

And inside was really old olives.

And it wasn’t very scary after all.

That’s the whole story.

♥Lauren

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Mid Week Confession: Sprinkles

21 Nov

I know its not exactly mid-week… but bear with me… I finally fit some internetting into my schedule that isn’t about the glorious world of sustainable design and bidding documents…

And then it happened. I was like totally clicking and clacking all over the internet and I found myself totally distracted by sprinkles.

And that’s what brings me to this (kind of) midweek confession:

sprinkity sprinkles

It was like 20 minutes before I realized I need to get back to work….

Also reading this somewhere in the wild north my brother is not surprised that I said any of this.

♥Lauren

Isabel’s Wedding

16 Oct

I have been the busiest Lauren this side of the Pecos. (That’s an expression…. right?)

And this weekend I even traveled far (not that far) to party with everyone’s (especially Clay Aiken’s) favorite Isabel to celebrate her ever so recent wedding to David!

And it was magical.

There was so much drinks, and dancing, and food, and joy.

I feel really lucky to have been in attendance.

I even made them a logo for their wedding:

David & Isabel… a totally married couple doodle.

The doodle was even put on their photo booth strips!

Can you imagine the sheer joy of making photo booth strips? I mean it’s amazing…

I didn’t even know that it was a goal in my life to make one  until I saw the final product.

I made this thing… and also made silly faces!

nancy and i are being fun animals

I felt like a proper illustrator.

Thanks Isabel! I wish you and David all the best… in all of life forever and ever.

Thanks for making me feel like a cool artsy person.

And to everyone else I am available for all doodling purposes!

Next event…. my sister’s baby shower.

♥Lauren

Founding Awesome Dudes: An Ode to Alexander Hamilton

17 Sep

Today I’m going to share a little bit about American history. And by that I mean you will learn very little about American History if you continue reading.

It’s actually about one of my latest favorite things.

And much like me, they are a little on the peculiar side.  And they keep coming up in such strange ways.

One of them is Alexander Hamilton.

Alexander Hamilton… just chilling like he does on the $10 bill

Yeah, that guy from American money.

And no I’m not like that guy from the milk commercial, I’m not that super into Hamilton.

I mean seriously, there is something so serious about the straight up coolness of Alexander Hamilton. He was a major political figure who was born in the West Indies, and was sadly orphaned at 11. He grew up into a fancy gentleman that steamily created our National Bank system. And if you aren’t already sold on his hot face, and steamy bank system… He  also created his own political party… I mean we would never have had the Federalists. And aren’t they fantastic? He was also a political rival of Thomas-All-The-Ladies-Were-Hot-For-Him-Jefferson. He didn’t even give a crap when he was supposed to support another Federalist running for government positions, he wouldn’t support them if he thought they were the worst. And kind of because of this… he was shot in New York in a  fight, because he’s cool like that. And true story, he is the hottest guy on American money.

Seriously.

I mean with Ben Franklin and Andrew Jackson as your peers… Hamilton pretty much has this on lock.

My sister says she prefers Grant. But, come on look at Hamilton on that 10 note. He is just asking for you to pay someone a large amount of money in 10s so you can say you are paying them handsomely. Actually, this is a new goal of mine.

And now I know I’m right because there is others who agree with me.

Mindy Kaling, queen of all that she surveys-and-being-a-hot-mess, agrees with me:

See Mindy agrees!

So basically I feel vindicated as heck.

And here’s the doodle I have used to commemorate this entire event.

This is some of the things that Mindy and I have in common… we can talk about this for hours.

Did you learn anything?

No?

Sorry, I’m not a real history teacher.

But now you know that Alexander Hamilton is amazing.

And now that you too are super into Hamilton you can get this commemorative bobble-head.

It’s a super great piece to add to any Alexander Hamilton collection. Available via Amazon, and places that sell exquisite things.

♥Lauren

Book Smarts and the Single Girl

11 Sep

Hi internet,

I promised to update because well there is always a lot of silliness in my life.

And I’m going to try to be super positive.

So bear with me.

And no, not literally a bear.

I am going to tell you a story of how I became a 27 year-old who seems really smart but also at the same time appears to know nothing.

—————————————♥♥♥—————————————

So when I was a kid, all I liked to do is read and make art. And then I grew up and I discovered  like to read and make art.

I even chose to go to an all girls Catholic High School, because it had a better curriculum than the school near my house. I mean that is something teenage girls would pick… right? I know now that no teenage girl would probably pick to go to an all girls Catholic School, over a school littered with boys who wear their pants incorrectly. But I was a nerd who worked at a library, and this seemed like a sound decision to me. So basically, I was a teenager who read a lot and learned very little about boys.

I went to prom with a super wonderful gay friend, who danced with me to “Love Shack” by the B-52s. We giggled about music, and how he was an artist. And  other than that, I was basically a teenage shut-in. Preparing for being a gown up, who had a job… and could freely draw chickens or whatever I wanted to draw whenever I wanted to draw. And basically I was going to live life in an exciting city like “Caroline in the City”  and everything was just going to work out. I mean sitcoms are practically real… right? And well, at the time I was more concerned with learning and making really great lasting relationships with my bffs. Also, I was really into seeing punk rock bands, and buying all my accessories at Claires. Basically, from the stories people tell about me from being a teenager I was basically the Ferris Bueller of the middle class Catholic School world, making my own parties, and being asked to go on zany adventures from boys who would check out books from the library.

And I went to a college to get a degree, because I liked my brain smarts. I never really thought about relationships because well I was just a decent looking short girl… who was incredibly awkward with people in general, let alone cute guys. And so it went on like that. I would occasionally have a boyfriend, and then I wouldn’t…. and it never really meant much to me either way.

But now that I am a girl in my late 20s and kind of have it mostly together work wise. I realize maybe I should try to find someone who likes to go to museums and laugh at old NBC comedies like I do. (This is where I want to put in my TRL like shout out to “Wings” and “Scrubs”.)  And also I should probably go out more, because although my pets are great company they never seem to comprehend British humor. But now when I do strike into the world I find it hard to go out with anyone who isn’t more interested in my boobs, and or bragging that they are with someone who has boobs… I really just am not getting any of this. These guys are supposed to have evolved from this, I mean they are in their late 20s and early 30s. In fact, even just trying to share a story about working in a library before my office job constantly brings up comments about “sexy librarians” or mentioning where I went to highs school results in “do you still have the school uniform”?

And like, ew. Even though every girl likes to feel a little spicy hot sometimes. Please don’t make yourself sound like you are a weird pervert when i first meet you. I mean, I don’t ask if you still have the McDonald’s uniform. And I have never asked if fries could come with that shake…

So finally. Eww.

And the moral of the story is, I am so spectacularly bad at dating that I think I could make a sitcom about it. And my last few dates have literally made me think that becoming a shut-in or the world’s first architect/nun would be a thrilling way to spend the rest of my days.

I’m just going to return to my books now where no one will be rude or creepy…. to me. Also Parks & Recreation isn’t going to watch itself….

♥Lauren

Things that I am not super into (or into whatsoever)

5 Aug

The anticipation for this is incredible… isn’t it?

This past week I have been presented with things that I am so not into. I mean like legitimately made me laugh with how bad they truly are. And it made me think about things I don’t understand to the fact that I would say that I don’t like them, and would totally give them a thumbs down if I were on like a reality that gives thumbs down as an answer. I would be the nice judge, with incredible hair, who would have to give the thumbs down sometimes. And here are some of the following things my thumb would be pointing at the floor about:

Michael Bolton’s song “Can I touch you there?”

I am not one of those people who bashes people because they are not “cool.” I enjoy many “uncool” things, unironically even. And Michael Bolton may I say… has a fantastic voice, he has a voice that can sing almost anything. But this song… this song may be one of the worst things that has happened to the world. What happens when you add pan flutes, and a wraspy middle age man dressed like Model-T creator Henry Ford on vacation in the Amazon asking if he can touch you? Besides a highly specific nightmare for a traveling enthusiast after the terrifying combination of far too much world music, and falling asleep reading an inflight magazine. Well you get this song, and its corresponding video. And just in case you are curious… this song is powerful. It can ruin any situation. Do you want to ruin a romantic mood? You want someone to leave alone? Do you want your dentist to stop cleaning your teeth mid appointment to change the music station to something less creepy. Just play this song.

Strange Compliments

I don’t like when guys that you are not friends with give you strange and highly specific “compliments.” Like that your pants elongate your legs. Especially when this person should not be noticing your legs or anything about you for any reason. The thought of certain people staring at my clothes long enough to realize my legs look elongated in them makes me want to gag… big time. And much to their surprise does not whip me into a verbal frenzy. So they failed in many areas that there were trying to not fail in, in one statement.

I realized I don’t want to feel elongated.

The constant news reporting on anything Jennifer Anniston does

I am going to admit here that I read trashy supermarket magazines, albeit 2 months later when my sister is throwing them out and gives them to me in an over-sized plastic target bag. And when I tear into the meaty tales of Kardashian blood letting, and Hugh Jackman walking his dog… I am so sad when I see these ridiculous articles spun out of 1 really bad photo of Jennifer Aniston. Now, as someone who is not photogenic, photographers could have a field day with me if I were famous. (Lauren eats fish tacos to mask her sadness, would be a great story and would literally sell millions of magazines.) But the last photo I saw of her was her crying in her really expensive car after visiting the construction of her house, really took the cake. The article was 3 pages about what a horrible person/bridezilla she was and that she’s ruining Justin Theroux’s life (you know the cowboy from Romy & Michele) with her constant nagging and fretting… And all I could think of is in the world of architecture I have never see anybody react well when you tell them their project is delayed or that it’s overbudget. Or if it happens to be both, you may actually get them yelling at you. So I mean what was her reaction supposed to be? It was actually nice to me that she went to cry about it in her car, instead of throwing a fit and going off on the architect or the construction foreman. Was she supposed to hug them like she was just called to be the next contestant on the “price is right” after news of delays and budget problems? And does anybody know people who handle over budget and lateness like they just won a fabulous pricing game? If so I would like to be their designer, because when I finish on time and on budget I’m sure this person would be so happy they’d pay for me to have my own custom house, and for my masters, and for at least two pairs of unnecessary earrings.

I have a feeling if I were a super hero… I would make leaving Jennifer Aniston alone as one of my priorities. Can she not do anything without a million people knowing?

This thing I keep Hearing about Thigh Gaps

I am going to start as a preface that everyone should be proud of their bodies. And if you are naturally skinny… go for you! Wear really artsy clothes and be joyous. But, personally I am not skinny and I try to keep “gaping” as the least likely description of me. There is nothing on me I want to say is a “gap”. I do not want to bridge it, I do not want to fall into it, I do not want celebrities to sing about the great deals on vests they could get at it. Maybe I’m comfortable with my thighs that I aptly call “Wonder Woman thighs.” And find this whole you should have a large brooding gap between your legs. And actually I need you to focus more on this gap thing, apply that to any body part and I’m sure you can understand how I feel. How about this statement “Dang did you see Denise’s gaping front teeth”? “I’m so envious of Sylvia’s arm to body gap… she can literally hold a small chicken betwixt those two things.” “Edna’s legs are so far apart from each-other she could smuggle a Christmas ham during a marathon.” Let’s just say no to this.  And actually if your body is like this, I’m not going to say anything else about it, except please don’t take pictures of your gap with the sunset betwixt it. Actually no one should do that… ever.

The continent bridging thigh gap distance is the most coveted of all gaps.

I hope that was just enough joyous yet curmudgeonly complaints for the day. I hope you go out to the world and investigate some of the things you are just not getting either…

♥Lauren

Confessions with Lauren: Bible Study

21 May

Today’s story is just about how I don’t get things.

I was raised Roman Catholic. I was big time into all doing the communion stuff when I was growing up. I have a rosary by my bed given to me by my grandmother.  I love me some gilded paintings of Jesus. I even for like 4 months at 16 thought about being a nun…. Which I later discovered I would have really sucked at (seriously, me not accessorizing to quote the great Cher Horowitz… “As if”). Nor could I really be like an Indiana Jones of religious relic’s (apparently searching isn’t as exciting as Harrison Ford makes it). And last religious confession. There is some Saint Francis statue in my backyard that I am terrified to move because he’s broken… and I don’t know what to do with him, especially since he’s broken. So he can sit there forever according to my logic until he once again becomes a part of the Earth.

Now that I have relinquished this information about me, I would like to say that in no way am I closed off or judgmental about anyone’s beliefs (but I think this blog makes that evident).  And one more thing every religion is cool… and no one should use any of their beliefs to make them think they are better than anyone else, or bring others down… because no religion except for Meanology should be into that.

But, back to my story of not really understanding things. Being raised Catholic I have never really understood “Bible Study”. When I was a kid in communion classes, Bible Study was really like studying the Bible. And for that matter I pretty much had my fill of religious learning after my last religion class in High School. It according to me and my friends, was obviously a punishment for all of our sins. And consisted of 5 days a week of an elderly man talking about whatever he felt like. 2 days were dedicated solely to his love of coca-cola products. Other days about the song “Waltzing with Bears”, because the local hillside was on fire. I actually considered it a blessing when our class was interrupted by a fire imposed break. And then when we resumed he would tell us about how he felt about appropriate theater applause, candied apples, and of course how he felt about WWII.  After that I never wanted to be an organized studier of anything, especially if I could end up with a lecturer like that.

Well anyways flash forward a few years and here I am. I am constantly hearing that people and my coworkers are going to Bible study. Having a bible study. Attending a bible study weekend. Going to a bible study conference. Leading a Bible Study. Taking a Bible Study to a hot date on a Saturday night.

And here I am thinking that all they do in their spare time is read the Bible. I mean they’ve been reading it for years, they must spend their time quoting thing like about, peace and doves, and puling camels through the eye of a needle. But they never quote the Bible at work!?! Which is cool since this is an architecture practice and not a Bible Study group. And that is how I carried on with my days.

Until Mindy Kaling taught me a little bit about Christianity. In an episode of the  Mindy Project she had a Bible Study. And I finally felt like I had an in… my questions about this are all going to be answered. And I get to see Chris Messina in a speedo.

You are welcome.

Oh boy, I pretty much forgot about the Bible Study thing for a moment there. So Mindy’s Bible study. She had wine, and a banner, a nativity, and there was food, and weird paintings of Jesus (both black and white Jesus) and she was playing Amy Grant for mood music. It was actually kind of fun looking:

This is what I imagine my Bible study being like.

Then I told my coworkers about this and they told me that Mindy was lying. That isn’t what a Bible study was. And where I was a little concerned that Mindy was not telling me the truth … I still got to see Chris Messina in speedos. (Bright side of life… right?) Then I was told in their Bible Study they don’t even study the Bible… they just like meet as a group and discuss life, or how to be successful in relationships, and stuff.

And I was like…. WHAT?!??? No multi-racial Jesus pictures? No wine? No Amy Grant?

Bible study is just people hanging out… I guess.

And well even though the whole meeting and discussing life thing is super great….I think the title is misleading, it should be called something else. Like religious people of liked mind’s. But I think that may sound scarier than it actually is. Anyways, I totally know what “Bible Study” is now. Now to go uncover other truths about things!

♥Lauren