Confessions with Lauren: Bible Study

Today’s story is just about how I don’t get things.

I was raised Roman Catholic. I was big time into all doing the communion stuff when I was growing up. I have a rosary by my bed given to me by my grandmother.  I love me some gilded paintings of Jesus. I even for like 4 months at 16 thought about being a nun…. Which I later discovered I would have really sucked at (seriously, me not accessorizing to quote the great Cher Horowitz… “As if”). Nor could I really be like an Indiana Jones of religious relic’s (apparently searching isn’t as exciting as Harrison Ford makes it). And last religious confession. There is some Saint Francis statue in my backyard that I am terrified to move because he’s broken… and I don’t know what to do with him, especially since he’s broken. So he can sit there forever according to my logic until he once again becomes a part of the Earth.

Now that I have relinquished this information about me, I would like to say that in no way am I closed off or judgmental about anyone’s beliefs (but I think this blog makes that evident).  And one more thing every religion is cool… and no one should use any of their beliefs to make them think they are better than anyone else, or bring others down… because no religion except for Meanology should be into that.

But, back to my story of not really understanding things. Being raised Catholic I have never really understood “Bible Study”. When I was a kid in communion classes, Bible Study was really like studying the Bible. And for that matter I pretty much had my fill of religious learning after my last religion class in High School. It according to me and my friends, was obviously a punishment for all of our sins. And consisted of 5 days a week of an elderly man talking about whatever he felt like. 2 days were dedicated solely to his love of coca-cola products. Other days about the song “Waltzing with Bears”, because the local hillside was on fire. I actually considered it a blessing when our class was interrupted by a fire imposed break. And then when we resumed he would tell us about how he felt about appropriate theater applause, candied apples, and of course how he felt about WWII.  After that I never wanted to be an organized studier of anything, especially if I could end up with a lecturer like that.

Well anyways flash forward a few years and here I am. I am constantly hearing that people and my coworkers are going to Bible study. Having a bible study. Attending a bible study weekend. Going to a bible study conference. Leading a Bible Study. Taking a Bible Study to a hot date on a Saturday night.

And here I am thinking that all they do in their spare time is read the Bible. I mean they’ve been reading it for years, they must spend their time quoting thing like about, peace and doves, and puling camels through the eye of a needle. But they never quote the Bible at work!?! Which is cool since this is an architecture practice and not a Bible Study group. And that is how I carried on with my days.

Until Mindy Kaling taught me a little bit about Christianity. In an episode of the  Mindy Project she had a Bible Study. And I finally felt like I had an in… my questions about this are all going to be answered. And I get to see Chris Messina in a speedo.

You are welcome.

Oh boy, I pretty much forgot about the Bible Study thing for a moment there. So Mindy’s Bible study. She had wine, and a banner, a nativity, and there was food, and weird paintings of Jesus (both black and white Jesus) and she was playing Amy Grant for mood music. It was actually kind of fun looking:

This is what I imagine my Bible study being like.

Then I told my coworkers about this and they told me that Mindy was lying. That isn’t what a Bible study was. And where I was a little concerned that Mindy was not telling me the truth … I still got to see Chris Messina in speedos. (Bright side of life… right?) Then I was told in their Bible Study they don’t even study the Bible… they just like meet as a group and discuss life, or how to be successful in relationships, and stuff.

And I was like…. WHAT?!??? No multi-racial Jesus pictures? No wine? No Amy Grant?

Bible study is just people hanging out… I guess.

And well even though the whole meeting and discussing life thing is super great….I think the title is misleading, it should be called something else. Like religious people of liked mind’s. But I think that may sound scarier than it actually is. Anyways, I totally know what “Bible Study” is now. Now to go uncover other truths about things!


11 thoughts on “Confessions with Lauren: Bible Study

  1. I think there is something about Saint Francis statues. We have three between our backyard and front, and every single one is broken! But there they stay, because my mother loves them, and because she has learned to deal with my father putting a bleeding scull candle into the basket the one on the front porch holds at Halloween (never lighting it, it’s just a convenient and not quite sacrilegious thing we do).

    Having said that (and also being raised Catholic, though I’m not sure that part really matters), I would love to just pull this quote out from your post and stick it everywhere, because I completely agree:

    “And one more thing every religion is cool… and no one should use any of their beliefs to make them think they are better than anyone else, or bring others down… because no religion except for Meanology should be into that.”

    You are so quietly but naturally brilliant, Lauren, and I want you to know how much I adore that about you.

    1. Oh, and by the way, back in my haze. . . Did your family visit you yet? I thought you were looking for more suggestions for movies the kidlets might like, but I dropped the ball. If they haven’t, let me know. I can get input from my own little kidlets (as well as my memory) and pass it along. :)

      1. They actually came this weekend (why I am so behind in bloggering)
        But, I would love some advice for future visits! This time we seemed to have interested them with the pool, because it was beautiful outside!
        But next time the weather may not be so great. email me at or just post some ideas here!
        Thanks Ruby!

    2. Firstly your family sounds a lot like mine. We used to sneak in Halloween decorations into Christmas displays… my Grandma always discovered this a little too late.

      And secondly, thank you… your comment made me feel uber-special!

  2. Despiite not being very religious (spiritual – yes), I love how you can put Jesus, and a hot guy in a budgie smuggler/banana hammock in the same post and still make it fun while keeping it clean! Bravo! xox

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