I go to the bathroom a lot at work. Sometimes it’s because I drink too much water, other times it’s to calm myself from being stressed, sometimes it’s because I have to cry in a private situation… and sometimes:
I can’t be the only person in their mid-twenties thinking about beehives during work hours. Think about how big you could make it… maybe it could hold office supplies… or a switchblade like that girl from La Bamba.
I was briefly worried this doodle would make me sound weird, but we all need a little work relief sometimes… and I know someone who has eaten lunch in the bathroom to escape their office.
This morning I was so excited that I was going to Seaworld tomorrow… only to find out my ticket is not Valid for tomorrow!
At first I thought maybe tomorrow is blocked because of the summer, or some event that involves a private Christina Aguilera Parade, or perhaps Sea World is releasing all their animals back into the world Free-Willy-style and is spending the 4th recapturing them… But then through not a lot of deduction I realized the real culprit is…
FANGUIN!
He’s rather evil, and he’s turning all the fishes against the trainers and what not, they are all just little floating zombies. I hope they don’t get to the mermaids!
♫Lauren
My mother told me a few weeks ago about this woman who has a super fun sounding job. She is a PROFESSIONAL MERMAID!
I asked myself how with all the imagination I have been blessed with… why did I never try to grow up to be a mermaid? And really… instead I chose architecture! I really, really blew it.
I’m putting in a formal request to my history. Small child Lauren, take all your doodles and dreams and craft a mermaid tail. It will change your life for the better. If you are a mermaid, no one will be awaiting your email during a regular 9-5. No one will stick you in a cubicle, no one will make you feel like you don’t belong. Instead you will get to be sparkly and entertain people, and you will get to see outside.
And I think you get to automatically meet Daryl Hannah… or at least get to eat dinner with Tom Hanks, and that would be like a 10,000% improvement in my quality of life.
And if you are a professional mermaid I think you get a briefcase made out of shells…
If you are a person and were on the internet today… Madonna did a Youtube concert.
I made my coworkers listen to the whole thing… I think my cubicle neighbor was moved to the “Borderline” of insanity as he would not like to hear me play “Material Girl” just one more time… and he’d prefer if I listened to some Led Zepplin instead. He was a good sport to listen to 4 songs in a row before turing on his own music.
And I think on the other side of the office Amber is trying to crimp her hair and get some stretchy bracelets. And the professional is ignoring this not scheduled musical attack.
But come on, what is Thursday without having a Madonna party?
I’m not the biggest Madonna fan, but there is something about her music that makes me smile… some of it reminds me of Childhood, or of Dick Tracy, or All those MTV Music Award shows, and some of it makes me wish I too had a bit of a fake British accent.
And you know what is really wonderful about Madonna>? She could care less about what I am writing about her. And that is something I would like to take from her as a lesson about being a grown up. It’s fun to be yourself… sometimes, it’s better when being you makes people a little mad too.
Now back to my office:
While we are celebrating the magic of Madonna’s music I would like to dedicate a few songs to a few people I work with:
-To Amber I send you “Like A Prayer”, for several reasons… Firstly you like Jesus (thumbs up to the Lord) and secondly, I want to see you dance like this in the office in front of our printers, and I want to drink Pepsi Cola with you:
-To Dabby I dedicate to you “La Isla Bonita” because it’s the only Madonna Song that has Spanish in it that isn’t from Evita. And you are spicy and not Argentinian:
-To the Professional I dedicate “4 minutes” because it seems like a quantitative professional time in it, I think it is the equivalent of like updating a few contacts in your outlook, or just meeting a deadline. And I emphasize that sentence with no humor… because that is the professional way:
And then I dedicate this song to me because I really am feeling what she is saying in this song.
And I need to post it, because our lady Madonna would want me to be honest:
And I’m not sorry… for listening to Madonna for hours in my cubicle either, thanks for making my windowless cubicle a little more fun today Madge!
I work in a very interesting office.
The people I work with would make great characters if anyone decided to write about them. (Which I sometimes do!) We all seem to be complex creatures, and more than a little out there. But lately, there has been a lot more work and a lot less fun…
Yeah, yeah I have more project responsibility, but quite frankly I’m not an architectural Spiderman.
And then to make it worse, everything has been so quiet in here that I feel my office mates may have been replaced with scarecrow versions of themselves. Just propped up to the computer with an occasional mouse clicking sound being emitted from them.
I cannot exist happily in an environment like this… it makes me very sad and makes me lack any sort of inspiration. Which is a total bummer when you are making spaces for people to work in, I feel like they suffer secondhand depression spaces to work in because, of this lackluster environment I am stuck in. And then I looked around my actual office and realized the actual windowless cubicle I work in is not helping my office depression either, I hardly ever see outside during actual sunny hours. I remember it being very lovely:
Now I’m not completely dissing my office. It is in a great location… once you get outside. And by that I mean, it’s next to a bar. And my boss is wonderful and I work with a couple of really great people. But really, the walls that block the vision from the windows seems like a cruel joke. The fact I am the only person that doesn’t have a window… is a crueler joke. Why did the person who drew up this building hate people so much, why not make sitelines so I can see the beautiful mountains just outside the building? Why did you set the lobby on the most blinding side of the building? Why has no one ever replaced the pink marble tiles that have cracks big enough to get your heels stuck in? Why is everything outside of our rented space mauve and brown?
It’s not like I need the circus at work.. I just need a little more joy.
I may be actually making everything worse for myself by admitting this… but I have to.
I did something this week that I’m not entirely proud of. I said the thing I wanted to say… but knew it was one of those, you-shouldn’t-have-said-it kind of things. But there it was. It sprung from out of my mouth, and it was so matter of fact and harsh I knew it the moment my breath left me.
Anyways of course after I said it, I felt awful. But I simply could not apologize for it, because I simply cannot form those words to that person.
I can say for a moment when I saw the words pierce their intended victim I felt like I had slayed a dragon. I mean this person brings out the worst in me. They are constantly provoking and prodding me so I can be my worst. I usually try not to let them get to me, I smile and I turn my cheek, but this time it was different… I was bubbling with anger… And when the words escaped, it seemed magical to be the person with the cruel “Wuthering Heights” like upper hand. It just isn’t very me to do so…
And although I felt glorious for those 45 seconds… I just didn’t like it. And I feel really awful that I went to that level. Reflecting on this situation I realize it probably only bothered me, because I don’t think this particular cares one iota about me, or my feelings. There I go again. Maybe that is an unfair observation… but it is my opinion.
I heard a song when I was feeling bad about this situation that made me realize that I should let that person be the pot and the kettle all by themselves. And they can think whatever they want about me, because I try to be a good person, and spread joy and giggles- most of the time.
I just have to remember this when I see them and become filled with rage.
Party Serious this Weekend!
♫Lauren
*And yes, the title is a Green Day reference… I’ve been listening to “Oh Love” all week..
I think sometimes my cats are trying to get to the Olympics, and as cat owners know there are very few categories cats can participate in. The few tests of endurance made for felines are obviously: sleeping, eating, barfing grass, and pooping.
While Elliott has the silver medal in sleeping on my bed… I’m more concerned about the dreams of my little gray cat Rocket… Here we are while he’s working on his digestion
Rocket goes to the bathroom with the sheer power of Thor. I’m really concerned how if I feed the pets the same amount of food how he can make so much poo. He is like the Carl Lewis of pooping animals. Sometimes I swear he goes to buffets while I’m at work all day… just to make sure that litter box is full by the time I get home…
So I drew a doodle about it, and because I’m more than a little weird I keyed it into the sweet 1985 musical hit by Eddie Murphy:
I have a world of knowledge I need to talk about, but it seems so heavy for a Monday. And much like a plate of steamy meatloaf with a bowl of soup on a really hot summer day… I’m going to choose to have a barbecue chicken and chilly lemonade kind of post instead.
Today I will share a doodle crossover sensation… which is both doodle Lauren and her favorite cactus… Provocative Cactus.
I just realized that we are quite into summer already and there has been nary a provocative cactus post…And having a summer season without a Provocative Cactus is practically illegal in California.
Without further ado I give you the doodle of the summer:
That cactus really has it going on. And I apologize to the children… because just like real life there is about 80% more boob in this picture than what people can usually handle… there is really just no place to hide it.
Tomorrow I may plague the internet with my burdens… but, then again maybe we should just enjoy some cotton candy.
Viciously Sweet 