doodle lauren

Founding Awesome Dudes: An Ode to Alexander Hamilton

| Viciously Sweet

Today I’m going to share a little bit about American history. And by that I mean you will learn very little about American History if you continue reading.

It’s actually about one of my latest favorite things.

And much like me, they are a little on the peculiar side.  And they keep coming up in such strange ways.

One of them is Alexander Hamilton.

Alexander Hamilton… just chilling like he does on the $10 bill

Yeah, that guy from American money.

And no I’m not like that guy from the milk commercial, I’m not that super into Hamilton.

I mean seriously, there is something so serious about the straight up coolness of Alexander Hamilton. He was a major political figure who was born in the West Indies, and was sadly orphaned at 11. He grew up into a fancy gentleman that steamily created our National Bank system. And if you aren’t already sold on his hot face, and steamy bank system… He  also created his own political party… I mean we would never have had the Federalists. And aren’t they fantastic? He was also a political rival of Thomas-All-The-Ladies-Were-Hot-For-Him-Jefferson. He didn’t even give a crap when he was supposed to support another Federalist running for government positions, he wouldn’t support them if he thought they were the worst. And kind of because of this… he was shot in New York in a  fight, because he’s cool like that. And true story, he is the hottest guy on American money.

Seriously.

I mean with Ben Franklin and Andrew Jackson as your peers… Hamilton pretty much has this on lock.

My sister says she prefers Grant. But, come on look at Hamilton on that 10 note. He is just asking for you to pay someone a large amount of money in 10s so you can say you are paying them handsomely. Actually, this is a new goal of mine.

And now I know I’m right because there is others who agree with me.

Mindy Kaling, queen of all that she surveys-and-being-a-hot-mess, agrees with me:

See Mindy agrees!

So basically I feel vindicated as heck.

And here’s the doodle I have used to commemorate this entire event.

This is some of the things that Mindy and I have in common… we can talk about this for hours.

Did you learn anything?

No?

Sorry, I’m not a real history teacher.

But now you know that Alexander Hamilton is amazing.

And now that you too are super into Hamilton you can get this commemorative bobble-head.

It’s a super great piece to add to any Alexander Hamilton collection. Available via Amazon, and places that sell exquisite things.

♥Lauren

Book Smarts and the Single Girl

| Viciously Sweet

Hi internet,

I promised to update because well there is always a lot of silliness in my life.

And I’m going to try to be super positive.

So bear with me.

And no, not literally a bear.

I am going to tell you a story of how I became a 27 year-old who seems really smart but also at the same time appears to know nothing.

—————————————♥♥♥—————————————

So when I was a kid, all I liked to do is read and make art. And then I grew up and I discovered  like to read and make art.

I even chose to go to an all girls Catholic High School, because it had a better curriculum than the school near my house. I mean that is something teenage girls would pick… right? I know now that no teenage girl would probably pick to go to an all girls Catholic School, over a school littered with boys who wear their pants incorrectly. But I was a nerd who worked at a library, and this seemed like a sound decision to me. So basically, I was a teenager who read a lot and learned very little about boys.

I went to prom with a super wonderful gay friend, who danced with me to “Love Shack” by the B-52s. We giggled about music, and how he was an artist. And  other than that, I was basically a teenage shut-in. Preparing for being a gown up, who had a job… and could freely draw chickens or whatever I wanted to draw whenever I wanted to draw. And basically I was going to live life in an exciting city like “Caroline in the City”  and everything was just going to work out. I mean sitcoms are practically real… right? And well, at the time I was more concerned with learning and making really great lasting relationships with my bffs. Also, I was really into seeing punk rock bands, and buying all my accessories at Claires. Basically, from the stories people tell about me from being a teenager I was basically the Ferris Bueller of the middle class Catholic School world, making my own parties, and being asked to go on zany adventures from boys who would check out books from the library.

And I went to a college to get a degree, because I liked my brain smarts. I never really thought about relationships because well I was just a decent looking short girl… who was incredibly awkward with people in general, let alone cute guys. And so it went on like that. I would occasionally have a boyfriend, and then I wouldn’t…. and it never really meant much to me either way.

But now that I am a girl in my late 20s and kind of have it mostly together work wise. I realize maybe I should try to find someone who likes to go to museums and laugh at old NBC comedies like I do. (This is where I want to put in my TRL like shout out to “Wings” and “Scrubs”.)  And also I should probably go out more, because although my pets are great company they never seem to comprehend British humor. But now when I do strike into the world I find it hard to go out with anyone who isn’t more interested in my boobs, and or bragging that they are with someone who has boobs… I really just am not getting any of this. These guys are supposed to have evolved from this, I mean they are in their late 20s and early 30s. In fact, even just trying to share a story about working in a library before my office job constantly brings up comments about “sexy librarians” or mentioning where I went to highs school results in “do you still have the school uniform”?

And like, ew. Even though every girl likes to feel a little spicy hot sometimes. Please don’t make yourself sound like you are a weird pervert when i first meet you. I mean, I don’t ask if you still have the McDonald’s uniform. And I have never asked if fries could come with that shake…

So finally. Eww.

And the moral of the story is, I am so spectacularly bad at dating that I think I could make a sitcom about it. And my last few dates have literally made me think that becoming a shut-in or the world’s first architect/nun would be a thrilling way to spend the rest of my days.

I’m just going to return to my books now where no one will be rude or creepy…. to me. Also Parks & Recreation isn’t going to watch itself….

♥Lauren

The Circus

| Viciously Sweet

Hi Everyone,

It’s Tuesday. My project is late, and of course the printer isn’t working.

There is are only 2 things I can do

1. Play Musical Printers and Try to get this drawing printed for my boss in the next 20 minutes.

2. Join the Circus

The silliest answer is the one I would most happily choose. Then people could discuss it when I don’t show up tomorrow. I can just imagine it….

Shocked Coworker #1: “Where is Lauren?”
Shocked Coworker #2: “She isn’t in? Did you wait longer for her to show up… she’s always late.”
Observant Coworker: “She left all her drawings, and the metal scale next to a strawberry stained note saying she’s left for the circus”
A hush spreads over the room.
Shocked Coworker #1: “She left food in the fridge. It’s mine.”
 

And then much like the conclusion to the tv series LOST, I will never be discussed again in the valleys of San Gabriel.

I will leave behind a hummingbird feeder, and assorted doodles of cats. I will take everything else… For my chic new gypsy wagon.

I would miss my big girl bed, and of course wi-fi. But I can always loiter at some circus adjacent starbucks after I master my new circus-y skill.

What would that skill be??? Well, I don’t really know. I don’t think I would trust me as a tightrope walker, or a juggler of swords. I could probably sit on an elephant like a champion. I am good at waving and climbing… so Elephant sitter on-er it is!

Let’s go with that thought… Lauren the Elephant Sitter. I would sell literally dozens of tickets.

Maybe I should stay with Architecture a little while longer.

Circus dreams

Happy Tuesday everyone. I hope your printers are working with gusto.

♥Lauren

Things that I am not super into (or into whatsoever)

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The anticipation for this is incredible… isn’t it?

This past week I have been presented with things that I am so not into. I mean like legitimately made me laugh with how bad they truly are. And it made me think about things I don’t understand to the fact that I would say that I don’t like them, and would totally give them a thumbs down if I were on like a reality that gives thumbs down as an answer. I would be the nice judge, with incredible hair, who would have to give the thumbs down sometimes. And here are some of the following things my thumb would be pointing at the floor about:

Michael Bolton’s song “Can I touch you there?”

I am not one of those people who bashes people because they are not “cool.” I enjoy many “uncool” things, unironically even. And Michael Bolton may I say… has a fantastic voice, he has a voice that can sing almost anything. But this song… this song may be one of the worst things that has happened to the world. What happens when you add pan flutes, and a wraspy middle age man dressed like Model-T creator Henry Ford on vacation in the Amazon asking if he can touch you? Besides a highly specific nightmare for a traveling enthusiast after the terrifying combination of far too much world music, and falling asleep reading an inflight magazine. Well you get this song, and its corresponding video. And just in case you are curious… this song is powerful. It can ruin any situation. Do you want to ruin a romantic mood? You want someone to leave alone? Do you want your dentist to stop cleaning your teeth mid appointment to change the music station to something less creepy. Just play this song.

Strange Compliments

I don’t like when guys that you are not friends with give you strange and highly specific “compliments.” Like that your pants elongate your legs. Especially when this person should not be noticing your legs or anything about you for any reason. The thought of certain people staring at my clothes long enough to realize my legs look elongated in them makes me want to gag… big time. And much to their surprise does not whip me into a verbal frenzy. So they failed in many areas that there were trying to not fail in, in one statement.

I realized I don’t want to feel elongated.

The constant news reporting on anything Jennifer Anniston does

I am going to admit here that I read trashy supermarket magazines, albeit 2 months later when my sister is throwing them out and gives them to me in an over-sized plastic target bag. And when I tear into the meaty tales of Kardashian blood letting, and Hugh Jackman walking his dog… I am so sad when I see these ridiculous articles spun out of 1 really bad photo of Jennifer Aniston. Now, as someone who is not photogenic, photographers could have a field day with me if I were famous. (Lauren eats fish tacos to mask her sadness, would be a great story and would literally sell millions of magazines.) But the last photo I saw of her was her crying in her really expensive car after visiting the construction of her house, really took the cake. The article was 3 pages about what a horrible person/bridezilla she was and that she’s ruining Justin Theroux’s life (you know the cowboy from Romy & Michele) with her constant nagging and fretting… And all I could think of is in the world of architecture I have never see anybody react well when you tell them their project is delayed or that it’s overbudget. Or if it happens to be both, you may actually get them yelling at you. So I mean what was her reaction supposed to be? It was actually nice to me that she went to cry about it in her car, instead of throwing a fit and going off on the architect or the construction foreman. Was she supposed to hug them like she was just called to be the next contestant on the “price is right” after news of delays and budget problems? And does anybody know people who handle over budget and lateness like they just won a fabulous pricing game? If so I would like to be their designer, because when I finish on time and on budget I’m sure this person would be so happy they’d pay for me to have my own custom house, and for my masters, and for at least two pairs of unnecessary earrings.

I have a feeling if I were a super hero… I would make leaving Jennifer Aniston alone as one of my priorities. Can she not do anything without a million people knowing?

This thing I keep Hearing about Thigh Gaps

I am going to start as a preface that everyone should be proud of their bodies. And if you are naturally skinny… go for you! Wear really artsy clothes and be joyous. But, personally I am not skinny and I try to keep “gaping” as the least likely description of me. There is nothing on me I want to say is a “gap”. I do not want to bridge it, I do not want to fall into it, I do not want celebrities to sing about the great deals on vests they could get at it. Maybe I’m comfortable with my thighs that I aptly call “Wonder Woman thighs.” And find this whole you should have a large brooding gap between your legs. And actually I need you to focus more on this gap thing, apply that to any body part and I’m sure you can understand how I feel. How about this statement “Dang did you see Denise’s gaping front teeth”? “I’m so envious of Sylvia’s arm to body gap… she can literally hold a small chicken betwixt those two things.” “Edna’s legs are so far apart from each-other she could smuggle a Christmas ham during a marathon.” Let’s just say no to this.  And actually if your body is like this, I’m not going to say anything else about it, except please don’t take pictures of your gap with the sunset betwixt it. Actually no one should do that… ever.

The continent bridging thigh gap distance is the most coveted of all gaps.

I hope that was just enough joyous yet curmudgeonly complaints for the day. I hope you go out to the world and investigate some of the things you are just not getting either…

♥Lauren

I’ve been working on the Chain Gang

| Viciously Sweet

So in the Jolly United States. It is the days where we celebrate not being a weird large satellite of England. And yesterday the Fourth of  it all, every inch of green space from coast to coast was filled with joy, barbecue, friends and marginally illegal fireworks.

I am saying this from experience. I lived the fourth of July dream that Thomas Jefferson was all about. I drank, I saw fireworks, I chatted, I wore a sweater, and saw people running through alley’s with launchers and scads of fireworks that are safer in less arid areas of the US.

Since a Holiday this year was on a Thursday there was many a possibility for a 4 day weekend. In fact, 93% of the population is still traipsing around in luscious weather, eating expensive sandwiches and drinking before happy hour. I am not a part of that majority. I am the people who had to go to work. Getting here this morning was legitimately one of the hardest things I have experienced in the last week. And I did bootcamp bellydance snake arms for 40 minutes. But once I got here I convinced myself it’s not too bad because I didn’t have to use my vacation time, and I am technically making money on a day where no clients would call at all…

But still being at work when you would rather be someplace else leads to things like this:

 

All of these things are so good to be doing.

And I am inclined to think that nearly anyone would rather watch TV in a fort of legos while eating waffles is better than making PDFs for hours straight.

Happy 5th of July to everyone in every part of the world.

♥Lauren

Subliminal Dressing

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The title of this post seems a little sexier than my posts probably are. So how am I going to combine “subliminal messages” with clothing and my blinding optimism together? Well brace yourself this blog is about to get *snaps fingers together* thrilling.

Well, let’s just say I discovered based on the way I dress to work, I can control the conversations had in the office. It’s happened a few times in a few outfits, and I think its hilarious. My clothing has caused long discussions of the Wedding Singer, Wonder Woman, 80s teen movies, and 13 going on 30. Basically my wheelhouse of interests since I usually try to avoid talking to my coworkers about anything resembling my personal life (sorry Amber, this is why I enjoy my corner seat… I only talk to you!)

Anyways a few weeks ago I went shopping and got found this dress. It made me feel like singing about how pretty I feel. Basically I was like channeling Maria from “West Side Story.” When I left the dressing room this other store customer told me sassily “That dress is all you.” I was thrilled. I bought it and I felt pity on any girl that wasn’t in that dress (not really, that’s a little harsh.)

So I finally got the time in the morning to wear my dress and make myself look like a human. I got to work and by 9:30 Johnny was snapping his fingers and talking about the gangs in “West Side Story.” Only an hour and a half in and I was a success. We discussed Bernardo and his purple suits… and then we pondered why any gangs would pick orange and purple as their colors. I mean those are like soda colors. Like Kool-Aid flavors. And really nonthreatening, btw. I mean imagine being accosted by a man in a purple well fitted suit. What can he really do to you… give you a makeover? Not let you go to the dance?

I feel pretty witty and bright too!

And just in case you want to put on a red dress and sing this song… you don’t even have to go far:

Also, don’t tell Chino… he’s totally lame.

♥Lauren

Blinded by the Light

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I have been gone for a while. But I never stay away too long. I actually I get really bummed when I don’t get to blog or draw for a while and well it’s time to get back to doodling!

Today I have to share something that has never happened to me in the nearly 7 years I have worked for this company.

I actually have too much light in my workspace.

You see I’m used to working in a space with no natural light :

This is pretty much my old cubicle space [image courtesy of imgur]
Before you say… Hey Lauren, I remember you totally wanted a window when you moved offices?  Well yes, I do remember this. And having a window is really great! I get to see hummingbirds, and squirrels galore (better than just seeing wasps and spiders). But I was just not prepared for all the light. I guess all 7 years of mole like office conditions, made me forget how serious the sun can be. It is in fact so serious, that in the afternoon when I look at my west facing window my computer screen seems as if I am staring into the pearly gates of Microsoft Excel.

Hey Girl, welcome to my pearly gates… have you got that color board sent out to my homie Jim? He really needs that thing.

At a few times after I had to put on sunglasses to see my emails… I thought maybe I was on my way to the pearly gates and I still had a work deadline. Only I would be working until the end. And I hadn’t even seen the rest of season 4 of Arrested Development… I just couldn’t deal with that thought. But I could deal with the thought that heaven is probably full of really good food and I was kind of hungry.

And now I have come to the conclusion… that I may be the office vampire. I mean I like being pasty, I am always wearing sunscreen (even at work) and I am quite skilled at adept at avoiding sun beams, and well I’m not a big fan of being stabbed with wooden stakes.

My boss thought I was exaggerating when he came out of his office to see me typing with my sunglasses on. The when he came over to my cubicle he realized I was in fact not exaggerating with my Stevie Wonder like wardrobe change. He then told me I could get extra blinds  because when he came into my cubicle space and couldn’t even see the work on my computer.

I knew I wasn’t exaggerating that badly… and plus working with shades makes me feel cool, like Lenny Kravitz, or Shades from “That Thing You Do”.

I am a mole person in Malibu Barbie’s work space. Like totally.

♥Lauren

Not the New Mother Teresa

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I have been vacationing. Or as cool hip people say “Stay-cationing”.

And it was nice.

Got to see my family. Got a super cool tan on just my arms.

But let’s be honest. I am not Justin Timberlake and I must go back to work a lot sooner than in 7 years. The poor girl I am got more like 4 days (3 if you count one of them was a national holiday). And so I got into the office kind of keeping a low profile as I left the office last week with pretty cold feelings about the dudes I work with.

I got through to lunch by talking to Amber, getting my work done… and very seriously ignoring the other 2 like crazy.

And then I went to the bathroom, and I was engaged in small talk. With the more silent, but equally insulting person I work with. A person who before I went on my break called me “the weirdest person he’s ever met” without humor behind it and who had previously told me some pretty cruel unasked for observations on my personality. A real stand up kind of dude, if you would.

While I was talking to him about my family’s trip and a really strange day to pick at Disneyland. BECAUSE HE ASKED, I REMIND YOU! I notice another coworker giving him a look and then rolling his eyes at me. They both looked at each other and smiled. And I don’t know what that meant, but I knew it was about them being straight up not nice people.

To quote Stephanie Tanner:

Seriously Rude. Image courtesy of Gifrific.com

Usually I try to take their insults with stride, trying to be the bigger person. But I am quite candidly done. I am not running for new Mother Teresa. After that special conversation I realized, I am not crazy about them, and I don’t find them to be respectful characters in my life. But seriously, I had only talked to them for about 3 minutes in a whole work day.

I cannot forgive their rudeness today. I mean they only have to see me for 3 days, why can’t they just be pleasant?!?!?!

Well at least this conversation left me inspired to make today’s doodle:

This may hinder my need for a tattoo across my stomach that says “PUGLIFE” when I leave this profession to become a world famous pug dealer… but it may be more helpful for my life in general.

I hope everyone else’s day was a little less rude. Also, I have permanent marker all over my hands because I cannot handle pens…

Now I’m going to draw sections of buildings and be happy.

♥Lauren

 

Confessions with Lauren: Bible Study

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Today’s story is just about how I don’t get things.

I was raised Roman Catholic. I was big time into all doing the communion stuff when I was growing up. I have a rosary by my bed given to me by my grandmother.  I love me some gilded paintings of Jesus. I even for like 4 months at 16 thought about being a nun…. Which I later discovered I would have really sucked at (seriously, me not accessorizing to quote the great Cher Horowitz… “As if”). Nor could I really be like an Indiana Jones of religious relic’s (apparently searching isn’t as exciting as Harrison Ford makes it). And last religious confession. There is some Saint Francis statue in my backyard that I am terrified to move because he’s broken… and I don’t know what to do with him, especially since he’s broken. So he can sit there forever according to my logic until he once again becomes a part of the Earth.

Now that I have relinquished this information about me, I would like to say that in no way am I closed off or judgmental about anyone’s beliefs (but I think this blog makes that evident).  And one more thing every religion is cool… and no one should use any of their beliefs to make them think they are better than anyone else, or bring others down… because no religion except for Meanology should be into that.

But, back to my story of not really understanding things. Being raised Catholic I have never really understood “Bible Study”. When I was a kid in communion classes, Bible Study was really like studying the Bible. And for that matter I pretty much had my fill of religious learning after my last religion class in High School. It according to me and my friends, was obviously a punishment for all of our sins. And consisted of 5 days a week of an elderly man talking about whatever he felt like. 2 days were dedicated solely to his love of coca-cola products. Other days about the song “Waltzing with Bears”, because the local hillside was on fire. I actually considered it a blessing when our class was interrupted by a fire imposed break. And then when we resumed he would tell us about how he felt about appropriate theater applause, candied apples, and of course how he felt about WWII.  After that I never wanted to be an organized studier of anything, especially if I could end up with a lecturer like that.

Well anyways flash forward a few years and here I am. I am constantly hearing that people and my coworkers are going to Bible study. Having a bible study. Attending a bible study weekend. Going to a bible study conference. Leading a Bible Study. Taking a Bible Study to a hot date on a Saturday night.

And here I am thinking that all they do in their spare time is read the Bible. I mean they’ve been reading it for years, they must spend their time quoting thing like about, peace and doves, and puling camels through the eye of a needle. But they never quote the Bible at work!?! Which is cool since this is an architecture practice and not a Bible Study group. And that is how I carried on with my days.

Until Mindy Kaling taught me a little bit about Christianity. In an episode of the  Mindy Project she had a Bible Study. And I finally felt like I had an in… my questions about this are all going to be answered. And I get to see Chris Messina in a speedo.

You are welcome.

Oh boy, I pretty much forgot about the Bible Study thing for a moment there. So Mindy’s Bible study. She had wine, and a banner, a nativity, and there was food, and weird paintings of Jesus (both black and white Jesus) and she was playing Amy Grant for mood music. It was actually kind of fun looking:

This is what I imagine my Bible study being like.

Then I told my coworkers about this and they told me that Mindy was lying. That isn’t what a Bible study was. And where I was a little concerned that Mindy was not telling me the truth … I still got to see Chris Messina in speedos. (Bright side of life… right?) Then I was told in their Bible Study they don’t even study the Bible… they just like meet as a group and discuss life, or how to be successful in relationships, and stuff.

And I was like…. WHAT?!??? No multi-racial Jesus pictures? No wine? No Amy Grant?

Bible study is just people hanging out… I guess.

And well even though the whole meeting and discussing life thing is super great….I think the title is misleading, it should be called something else. Like religious people of liked mind’s. But I think that may sound scarier than it actually is. Anyways, I totally know what “Bible Study” is now. Now to go uncover other truths about things!

♥Lauren