Things that I am not super into (or into whatsoever)

The anticipation for this is incredible… isn’t it?

This past week I have been presented with things that I am so not into. I mean like legitimately made me laugh with how bad they truly are. And it made me think about things I don’t understand to the fact that I would say that I don’t like them, and would totally give them a thumbs down if I were on like a reality that gives thumbs down as an answer. I would be the nice judge, with incredible hair, who would have to give the thumbs down sometimes. And here are some of the following things my thumb would be pointing at the floor about:

Michael Bolton’s song “Can I touch you there?”

I am not one of those people who bashes people because they are not “cool.” I enjoy many “uncool” things, unironically even. And Michael Bolton may I say… has a fantastic voice, he has a voice that can sing almost anything. But this song… this song may be one of the worst things that has happened to the world. What happens when you add pan flutes, and a wraspy middle age man dressed like Model-T creator Henry Ford on vacation in the Amazon asking if he can touch you? Besides a highly specific nightmare for a traveling enthusiast after the terrifying combination of far too much world music, and falling asleep reading an inflight magazine. Well you get this song, and its corresponding video. And just in case you are curious… this song is powerful. It can ruin any situation. Do you want to ruin a romantic mood? You want someone to leave alone? Do you want your dentist to stop cleaning your teeth mid appointment to change the music station to something less creepy. Just play this song.

Strange Compliments

I don’t like when guys that you are not friends with give you strange and highly specific “compliments.” Like that your pants elongate your legs. Especially when this person should not be noticing your legs or anything about you for any reason. The thought of certain people staring at my clothes long enough to realize my legs look elongated in them makes me want to gag… big time. And much to their surprise does not whip me into a verbal frenzy. So they failed in many areas that there were trying to not fail in, in one statement.

I realized I don’t want to feel elongated.

The constant news reporting on anything Jennifer Anniston does

I am going to admit here that I read trashy supermarket magazines, albeit 2 months later when my sister is throwing them out and gives them to me in an over-sized plastic target bag. And when I tear into the meaty tales of Kardashian blood letting, and Hugh Jackman walking his dog… I am so sad when I see these ridiculous articles spun out of 1 really bad photo of Jennifer Aniston. Now, as someone who is not photogenic, photographers could have a field day with me if I were famous. (Lauren eats fish tacos to mask her sadness, would be a great story and would literally sell millions of magazines.) But the last photo I saw of her was her crying in her really expensive car after visiting the construction of her house, really took the cake. The article was 3 pages about what a horrible person/bridezilla she was and that she’s ruining Justin Theroux’s life (you know the cowboy from Romy & Michele) with her constant nagging and fretting… And all I could think of is in the world of architecture I have never see anybody react well when you tell them their project is delayed or that it’s overbudget. Or if it happens to be both, you may actually get them yelling at you. So I mean what was her reaction supposed to be? It was actually nice to me that she went to cry about it in her car, instead of throwing a fit and going off on the architect or the construction foreman. Was she supposed to hug them like she was just called to be the next contestant on the “price is right” after news of delays and budget problems? And does anybody know people who handle over budget and lateness like they just won a fabulous pricing game? If so I would like to be their designer, because when I finish on time and on budget I’m sure this person would be so happy they’d pay for me to have my own custom house, and for my masters, and for at least two pairs of unnecessary earrings.

I have a feeling if I were a super hero… I would make leaving Jennifer Aniston alone as one of my priorities. Can she not do anything without a million people knowing?

This thing I keep Hearing about Thigh Gaps

I am going to start as a preface that everyone should be proud of their bodies. And if you are naturally skinny… go for you! Wear really artsy clothes and be joyous. But, personally I am not skinny and I try to keep “gaping” as the least likely description of me. There is nothing on me I want to say is a “gap”. I do not want to bridge it, I do not want to fall into it, I do not want celebrities to sing about the great deals on vests they could get at it. Maybe I’m comfortable with my thighs that I aptly call “Wonder Woman thighs.” And find this whole you should have a large brooding gap between your legs. And actually I need you to focus more on this gap thing, apply that to any body part and I’m sure you can understand how I feel. How about this statement “Dang did you see Denise’s gaping front teeth”? “I’m so envious of Sylvia’s arm to body gap… she can literally hold a small chicken betwixt those two things.” “Edna’s legs are so far apart from each-other she could smuggle a Christmas ham during a marathon.” Let’s just say no to this.  And actually if your body is like this, I’m not going to say anything else about it, except please don’t take pictures of your gap with the sunset betwixt it. Actually no one should do that… ever.

The continent bridging thigh gap distance is the most coveted of all gaps.

I hope that was just enough joyous yet curmudgeonly complaints for the day. I hope you go out to the world and investigate some of the things you are just not getting either…

♥Lauren

By Design

The following doodle is just something I have to remind myself of every once in a while. Is this too early in the week for this kind of post?

It’s not a bummer or anything like that, it’s just an honest notion.

I remind myself of this when I am  with difficult people. I am just not everyone’s brand. I am a little too much in a lot of fields… and even a little too short for most people’s likings.

I think this is what makes the people who do actually like you so special.

And that is what this post is really about. The people who think you are amazing, are amazing people. And we should tell them more often. Because they deserve it.

I hope everyone has an wonderful week.  I’m going to work on posting more!

♥Lauren

Happy Zelda-versary!

Today I am very excited to share the majesty and sheer joy that it is Zelda Fitzgerald’s birthday!If your counting she would be 113 years old today.

And with all the F. Scott Fitzgerald hubub that happened earlier this year I think Zelda is due some time to be adored…

Last year when I decided to take up things that excite me even though I was feeling old, I found Zelda. A free wheeling, funky socialite… who was more brilliant and scathingly delicious than our current vapid Kardashians socialites . I immersed myself in knowledge of this lady who is the same age as my Great Grandmother, but lived such a different life than someone who lived on a farm most of her days. The more I read, the more Zelda and I had in common, drinking a little too much, partying just a little too long, painting without being so serious, and being a flapper (haven’t I told you guys I’m a world famous flapper???) . I found myself completely stunned by a lady who at 27 decided to become a professional ballerina.

So I studied her, read her work, and can thusly say… Zelda Fitzgerald was amazing.

And she would like to be told that in all forms of art, and since I cannot write as well as others… I certainly can doodle:

Happy birthday Zelda Fitzgerald!

She was also known to have said the following:

“She refused to be bored chiefly because she wasn’t boring.”

I use that saying a lot in my life… in my head… when I know I should be doing something better with my time.

Anyways, I hope everyone is having one of those days that they wish they could remember forever. While I try to figure out how to spend my time…

♥Lauren

Let it shine

I don’t really have a lot to write. But I have been missing posting things on this site like crazy.

Here is some word art I made while listening to the radio.

It was playing “Read My Mind” from the Killers and I wrote down the lyric “I don’t shine, if you don’t shine.”

It felt right. I mean so much of my happiness comes from leaving happiness other places, and hopefully sharing some joy along.

So I made it into a doodle.

That I hope makes you smile… just a little bit :)

I’m working on some other doodles too, that are less musical in nature. I hope I get to finish one soon.

And here’s the song that goes with it.

Happy Thursday!

♥Lauren

(M)otters and (D)otters

I like to make people really excited about not really exciting things.

I consider it a talent.

Eating and growing vegetables, going to the optometrist, buying hairspray at pharmacy… I can make these things/events seem like the best thing that could ever happen to you. I mean have you been to a CVS… they have everything including hyper ugly statuary! And $.99 plates shaped like dog heads!

So let’s get back to the making people excited part of this story. My mom has been having a hard time with work lately (seriously does anyone like where they work right now?) And I decided in my own goofy gander way to cheer her up.

She doesn’t need any thing… because she makes the little mermaid look like a minimalist. I mean I have asked her to borrow a black sweater a few weeks ago and she has told me I have 8 options, not including the sparkly ones.

So I was like… what can I do to make her smile?

She doesn’t really seem like she wants to go out to a restaurant after she gets home. And seriously I am not into hearing critiques on my cooking (totally different story).

And then I was like… hmmm a doodle sounds great!

And then I remembered how much she loves sea otters. And I remembered how much I like puns. So I made her this:

She bought a frame to hang it up in her house. And yes the little otters are obviously me and my sister. Really great depictions too.

♥Lauren

 

And I’m big girl excited to take the next few days off and be a tourist in my own town. Stay-cation here we come!

Jimmy says the Darndest things

I think Jimmy is going to be mad at me for posting this.

But I have known him for nearly 10 years and sometimes the things he tells me still makes me burst out with laughter. (But hey, I laugh a lot)

We all have really highly specific things that make us smile. For example: Phil Collin’s to me is like a musical angel who makes everything alright when I hear his voice, and Matt&Kim can save me from 99.2% of despair.

We are not all the same though. This weekend Jimmy shared this musical nugget of joy with me:

It’s the one he choo choo chooses!

And just in case you are wondering what the song that is #1 on the charts in the nation of solely Jimmy:

Somewhere at this very moment… he has this queued up to watch on YouTube.

♥Lauren

P to the S that crisp white doodle paper that all the kids are talking about can be seen, purchased and hugged right here… emnote notebooks!

Passing Notes

Today I’m going to tell you a story about when I was in school…

When I was in school I was a good student… which really surprised people because I seemed really unfocused in  nearly every lecture class I had.

I just really was good at comprehending the subject matters I studied and once I did… I didn’t have all day to hear the lecturer talk about alabaster in its various applications, I just daydreamed until the hour-forty five had passed. And of course I had read the textbook the day before, so I had all my day to not think about trying to memorize anything but stuff I wanted to.

Now all my daydreaming probably would have been just fine, had I not forced my weird imagination on my friends, especially Jimmy. He wanted to pay attention so badly and all I ever did was distract him. I would spend my time sending him drawings of Jamba Juice cups, Lambs that were striped, and well taco’s and how much I wished I was eating or building a place to hold tacos and not be in that class.

So dedication time… this Doodle goes all the way out to Jimmy who is like many miles away from me right now, but could probably use a laugh:

My favorite part is when he finally gave up on learning and just doodled back instead!

Quite candidly internet, I would list distracting people as one of my finer qualities. If you spend time with me the next thing you know is that it could be hours… or even years. And there is going to be sketchbooks of doodles to go along with it.

Now I must return to some doodles that I am working on like super seriously!

♥Lauren

Happy Birthday Brother!

Today was a crazy kind of day, but there is always something that is very good.

And today’s very good is that it is my one and only BIG BROTHER’S BIRTHDAY!

He turns 40 today! And everything is turning up roses for him! He has a fancy new job, a beautiful and super fun wife… and two beautiful and rambunctious and adorable daughters. One who at the age of four is practically my grown up adult height.

So good job on being really tall too, Tony!

Anyways, I heard that they had a wonderful day full of good food, except for an intercepted cupcake. I hope you have a super fun weekend brother, and if you notice the drawing is of you at a California beach…. because I am so excited about your visit I’m already illustrating it!

Happy Internet Birthday! Can’t wait to see you up in this hood!

♥Lauren

Happy Happy Birthday!

 

Fairy Tales

Okay, I am aware that I am a grown up.

But isn’t the idea of something magical just kind nice? When do we decide that we’re too cool to smile at a big lollipop, or for spinning around in an a-line dress, or even just eating a really good cookie with a chilled glass of milk. I think that we all deserve a chance to enjoy something for no particular reason, or with no explanation.

And no one should make you feel weird for it.

Today I saw my coworker had this game and the name of his city in the game was “Etopia.” What a serious name! It’s a city you are playing with in a game… it can be named anything!!!

He told me, “I’m sorry its not Pegasus-rainbow-flower-anthia.”

Now this could have been not nice, in fact it is a kinda a backhanded compliment.

But this comment only made me happy… I mean isn’t it good that he thinks of flowers and rainbows and fictional flying creatures in association with me. Anyways, quickly–I will add here that I still don’t like knowing how magic tricks are done… and try to forget about “reality” when I see them. I mean, if it’s a fantasy why not just get caught up in it?

And now onto the sketchy part… simply I dedicate this drawing to all the people I know (in real and online) who make me happy. Regardless of any bad times, when I’m really in  a happy moment:

And I thank you so so much for it!

♥Lauren