The Duality of My Nature

November 26, 2012 | Viciously Sweet

Now some of you may know I’m kind of a girly girl. Like, a serious matching-jewelry-to-my-sweater-to-my-soul, kind of girl. Like, I skip on clouds made of cotton candy kind of girl. And this by the way is all true, my soul is bright orange and covered in flowers, and my the bottoms of my shoes are sticky.

However, even for a girly girl I have to have time out to just chill. And this is where I bring out on display my two polar opposite senses of style. Let me describe them a little for you.

1. My “I’m so fancy, and sparkly” look. This transcends all of my usual outfits that make me look like a sailor from a 1960s musical or Jenna Rink from “13 going on 30”. When I get fancy… it is ornate. There are fake eyelashes, diamond flaked mascara. There is serious fancy time hair. There are borrowed jewels. Basically you take me out for a fancy night… I’m going to show up looking like we’re going to the Academy Awards. (This is also probably why no one takes me to nice places, but why I’m tops on the bring a date list to company parties. Just in case you are wondering, I can clean up well, and I like appetizers.)

2. My “Liz Lemon having it all” outfits. This is when I’m comfortable, and it usually very shortly follows my “fancy” look. This is when I have no more patience for trying to look nice. This is that moment when your makeup is begging to be washed off. This coincides with the moment I can’t imagine living without my pajama pants and a tank top. There is also sometimes a sweat shirt involved. And since I only own 1 sweatshirt there is a 100% chance that it is a “Montana Grizzlies” sweatshirt. And when I’m dressed like that my only accessories are my glasses, a blanket, and a remote control. Because when we have reached the point of “Liz Lemoning” I’m down for comfy times, and comfy times involve me eating cheesy snacks and being wrapped in a blanket as Vanellope Von Schweetz says in “Wreck-it Ralph”, “I wrap myself up like a little old homeless lady”.

Now I am sharing this story because The weekend of my birthday I went out with my BFF Christine. And I was fancy. I had decked my own halls, I was like a Christmas Tree prepared for a lighting ceremony. (It was my birthday, after all.) And then… then, I got back to her apartment and shed all my fanciness to reveal my plain old self. Now don’t get me wrong even plain Lauren is still sparkly… because I sparkle from the inside… I just well…

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And the rest of the time I look like Mary Ann from Gilligan’s Island. And to those who think my styles are weird, I’m comfortable with every style I have, because it’s all in fun. True story.

♥Lauren

Jimmy and the Fashion Statement

March 27, 2012 | Viciously Sweet

I would like to think I’m a very fashionable girl. You know, if you are into girls who as my coworkers call me “Dress Like America.” And by that they mean, I wear a lot of nautical clothing.

My Current Fashion Icon: Mary Ann Summers from Gilligan’s Island. Yep, I’m only 45 years behind in fashion/ updates in clothing. But who else out there has 7 straw purses for various straw purse occasions?

But lately someone is crashing my fashion forefront and that is my dear friend Jimmy. He’s becoming the trendiest trendster out there, and no he’s not buying stove pipe hats, and he’s not becoming a Lincoln impersonator.

He’s forsaken izod’s and polo’s and started to dress more like a happening dude of the 1930s… because that is how Jimmy’s are. I think all this is fine and dandy until he sent me a picture of an overly striped jacket with extra stripes on it…

And then he told me it was $800. And when my brain regained consciousness it could only make this doodle:

Captain Jimmy now accepts debit! — So much money for a sweater that doesn't work in the cold!

I told him there are better things to do with $800. Like take a trip to Chicago, go to Santa Barbara for a few days… Buy 3,200 chicken nuggets… Join a gym for 5 years… Buy uncountable erasers… get 1,600 prizes from a $.50 machine… give me $800 dollars…. Because if you don’t have Kardashian loads of money… friends don’t let friends buy $800 sweaters.

So Jimmy… no, to that sweater.

♫Lauren

Bohemian Like you

July 21, 2009July 21, 2009 | Viciously Sweet

I have gone on for 23 years of my life being called eccentric, weird, and comical (at least the things people say to me).

But I’ve never been affirmed into any such group or click.

In the last week 2 people have labeled me…. And I find it fascinating. I mean to a label-less person… I feel like I moderately know how I am percieved by the general public.

I was first called an indie kid.

which is cool, because i do like indie things… they are nice:

and then I was called bohemian… and i was told that i reminded people of fruit… which is also nice.

I like fruit… so long as it is not in a corcnocopia.

I don’t really know what this label means but I have an opinion.

I feel very scared about being easily grouped.

but I would like to know from people who really know me? Am I these things? Is this what my alternative rock, brown hair and bangs, and black plastic glasses have lead to? Am I so easily labeled? Do I remind you of fruit? Is that the reason I want a sweater vest?

Tell me.

♫LAUREN

condon.us

My Hunk has Shrunk

June 22, 2009 | Viciously Sweet

Since we’re already focusing on things that we have lost…

I would like to add Billie Joe Armstrong’s regular man style and humor to the list.

I used to adore Billie Joe Armstrong… but now he wears more make-up than me and CARES ABOUT STUFF… ewww

And why is his voice so high and pitchy in “21 Guns” … I miss the days of Insomniac. I miss “Stuart and the Avenue” and his black jeans.

I miss when they looked like they just showed up for a music video… sans primping.

Now it seems like Billie Joe Armstrong takes longer than me to get ready.

I like when guys wear T-shirts and hoodies… to me this is appealing. I may be wicked off. But someone has to agree with me or there would be not t-shirts and hoodies.

Because it’s totally lame for you to be into style when you want to save the world. You don’t have to dress like you are giving a presentation for me to take you seriously.

Also looking like a bonus Jonas is bad.