There are some days in the office where you are so busy drawing details of ceilings, and learning the difference between broadloom carpets and woven carpets that you think nothing really exciting can happen.
And then like a bolt of lightning from Zeus himself, a professional bursts from his cubicle to help out on an impromptu conference call and saves the day from a certain lack of clarity.
Today Professional Eric proved he was the most professional of them all, when he leaped from his chair mid-email to an engineer, to help said engineer on the phone. Thusly saving him from falling into a grand abyss of confusion.
And then I got to quote this:
February 2nd, is truly a day that will go down in professional history.
Today I measured a warehouse with the most professional of measuring buddies. And I told him today’s most precious news.
It’s my friend Jimmy’s birthday.
Yes, magical Jimmy! I call him this because not many people in the world would let you incessantly take pictures of them for 5 years straight, and rarely complain… well sometimes he did, but I took pictures anyway.
Basically, I've been capturing all the exciting moments since 2003
Well today Jimmy turns 27. Which makes me realize several things:
-I’ve known Jimmy for 9 years this August, and I have no ideas where the years have gone.
-I wish he’d become an Abraham Lincoln Impersonator… because he is tall, skinny and has brown hair (in my mind that makes you Abraham Lincoln)
-When are we going to go rummage through more thanksgiving postcards?
-I wonder if you are going to watch Carrie to celebrate your birthday, because if so I’m in.
-Will young James ever become a professional clog dancer? Or ever take a clogging class (I’m betting no)
-I wish that you would sing karaoke versions of Dolly Parton songs with me I would like to sing 9 to 5, thanks.
-Will you ever become the Where’s Waldo of Santa Barbara?
Okay I know that those are really strange observations… but I reserve only the best for Jimmy. And’ here’s the corresponding doodle:
p.s. If you like any of the things mentioned in this blog… like Waldo, Santa Barbara, Thanksgiving Postcards, Halloween movies and being weird… you should totally find Jimmy he likes those kinds of things
I have decided to burst from the gate with this recent turn of events! This bloggy has an award coming its way!
Teri from The Narcissist’s Blog has nominated this little bloggy with a “One Lovely Blog Award,” and since she is so kind to click on and sometimes enjoy this crazy collection of doodles and words. I must thank her also for letting me enjoy all the self-reflection and crazy adventures in her fabulous life! She previously nominated me as a versatile blogger, but I forgot to fill out the stuff because my sister had me fixing up her wedding real nice-like and such. But thank you Teri, you are fabulous!
Also this Lovely Blog Award makes me feel like singing a love song to my blog:
Back to this nomination thingy!
As you all know there are rules to accepting these awards. The rules for The One Lovely Blog Award are as follows:
Thank the person who nominated you. (See Above paragraph)
Name your nominated blogs 10-15 is the standard number. Then notify them that you have done so. (I am only going to nominate a few peeps, so RULE BREAKER)
Share seven things about yourself. (Below are my facts and a fancy illustration!)
Nominations Ahoy!
I would always pick But that’s for another blog because I love nerdy love stories, and CIA cat. Also your blog about twinkies, inspired a serious lunch conversation at my work… because I also work with weird guys who believe in the power of twinkies.
My new current favorite funny blog Sips Of Jen and Tonic. You are a visionary, and sometimes I feel like I’m reading things I would write. Also be wary of Dave Coulier, remember what he did to Alanis and that weird chipmunk puppet from Full House.
And Ashley Jillian because she is a funny girl in an improv class with the Old Spice Guy. BTW, You’re my favorite XOXO
7 Things About Me!
1. If I could trade closets with anyone I would totally steal Dita Von Teese’s clothes. Because she is always dressed too cute! (Lauren’s Note: not when she’s working… because then she’s not really dressed, but I digress.)
2. I really have been into nail art. This is what my nails are doing this week! Also thanks Amber for getting me these nail stickers for Christmas:
3. Today I received a pink star card and an invitation to “The League of Professionals” at work, because I have more responsibility now! (This was obviously the doing of the most treasured professional in the SGV)
4. My first reaction to reading Teri’s comment was this is awesome… I need to make a doodle of getting an award. I present to you this doodle of the me and the worst acceptance speech ever.
5. I have 20 toys in my cubicle, this includes 9 kids meal toys, 1 lucky cat, 1 stuffed penguin, 2 beanie baby promotional wilsonart dogs, a ghost, and 6 beautiful gifts!
6. I really love kitchy things, including this weird sunflower I found in Washington DC:
7. I accidentally stole this pen from the Hyatt last weekend:
Now I’m going to continue to doodle. I hope 1 person learned something during this post. I hope that person is also singing that song about being a Super Model from Clueless.
My sister got married this last Saturday and I have to tell you it was incredibly awesome. The weather cleared before her ceremony, the day went on without a hitch. We giggled in incredible amount. I caught one of those bouquets she threw. So I guess that means I’m getting married. Someone should tell Jon Hamm as I choose him to marry in sound mind.
And of course, she looked amazing! And since she is not a fan of me posting pictures of her online (I am beginning to believe she is an international Jewel thief), I have decided to show this one of the back of her dress:
You can tell from the back of her dress how amazing she looked!
What I can share about what I have learned about weddings is that they are a lot of work, A LOT OF WORK! But when you love the couple it is more than incredibly worth it. I have never worked so much at a party ever, also I had a police escort to her room with the Dollar Dance moola. And I must give another thank you to Christine, who was a guest that didn’t mind to help me!
Thanks for helping me work my sister's wedding. And dancing to Pitbull with reckless abandon. Also for not getting lost with how many people at this wedding were named Christine...
I would like to share my rating of my sister’s wedding; 2 awesome thumbs up and 1 great winky face to my sister. I hope you are bonkers happy for all eternity!
Forever your girl,
Lauren
P.S. Word to my brother, it was an honor to see you dance to “Sexy & I know it” has changed my life. And in the future will totally traumatize both of your children. Rock on Tony!
I have been procrastinating on writing my speech for my sister’s wedding. As her maid of honor , and only person in her wedding party…Yes, that is right I am the party!
Back to my speech procrastinating… My dad has had his speech written for weeks. And as my mother lovingly threatened that she wants to hear this speech before I tell everyone at the reception that me and my sister like to watch Maury Povich’s “Baby Daddy” episodes, talk with Jennifer Lopez accent when we want to make fun of each other, and enjoy wrapping our hair around our face to pretend to have a mustache… but then again who doesn’t do that stuff?
Last night I was stressing about the words I would say to wish my sister well. And then as I started to write them my mother told me this golden nugget:
“Remember not every one gets your humor.”
Also "EEP ORK RIBBY RIBBY"
I just would like to say that the time for weird girls is upon us. Actually, it’s also cool for the gents too… I mean Tina Fey, Gonzo the Muppet, Amy Poehler, Jimmy Fallon, Zooey Deschanel, Margaret Thatcher… The world is crazy for those goobers.
It has been so very long since a quote from Professional Eric has graced the pages of Viciously Sweet. It was thought to be forgotten… until I heard that the world was suffering from a verbal professional drought! Then I recalled recent times in the office have been incredibly busy and also photoshop-less.
And then with all the magic of an 8-ball, Eric valiantly saved my computer from the viruses that plagued it, and enabled me to delve into the quote archives and resurrect the Professional Quote of the Day!
Without Eric, Professional Quote of the Day 2.0 would be impossible.
Without any further ado I present to you PQOTD2.0, volume 1:
Let us all commence data entry to honor him, professionally!
When I have a project deadline at work and I totally meet it, I feel awesome.
When I have enough time after that deadline to print out, prepare, and roll my drawings in time for its intended meeting with enough time to doodle afterwards… I feel like a freaking conqueror.
When the moons align and this rare form of excellence happens, there is nothing can hold me back or hinder my uninhibited awesomeness. With how much work I have had recently I thought I would never again feel that kind of accomplishment. And then it happened:
And then I was happier than ever before. Until next time, perfect work moment.
Did you know that sometimes I like to tease my friends?
True story. Sometimes I pretend they are in love with high-profile celebrities. Sometimes I use their own words against them. Sometimes, I like to make up countries and non-hostile Canadian takeovers to make my point.
Created to be a Southern Canadian Alternative* to Provocative Cactus (*When Canada non-hostile style takes over Mexico, and re-names the land South Canada) I bring to you Seductive Maple Tree:
Doesn’t her red leaf boa flip your lid? How about her come-hither stare? She is truly a beacon of hope for a nation! She is practically like the new lady liberty. She brings Mounties, and syrup to you Mexico!
* EDITORS NOTE: I acknowledge that this post makes me seem totally insane, but what can you do? If South Canada ever becomes a thing though, I will totally be a prophet.
I have been really busy, with being the maid of honor to my sister and her quickly approaching wedding. Seriously, its like 10 days to that thing and I’m running around like a bull in the streets of Pamplona…But, that doesn’t mean I should neglect you. I think today I’m going to tell you a story that could make any girl relate.
You know when you are just trying to have a good time, and you put a little extra effort into looking nice, and you feel like a million bucks (that’s a lot of deer’s, btw.) And then you realize you are in the presence of an avid drinker of Haterade, their favorite flavor in this case, “Rain on Lauren’s dreams”. Well not too long ago I found myself in this situation, and I was not as drunk as I wish I could have been to have to be around this person.
I decided that with a little help of the B.F.F. I could completely ignore this person. I mean like totally ignore them, like a CBS comedy. So then as my luck so has it, I found myself not 10 minutes later in a conversation that includes this certain person… Shoot me in the face, right? And then much like the 1993 hit of Tag Team, “whoomp, there it is” an insult out of nowhere.
“OMG. Her hair is a weave.” And that her mentioned… was me!
Just like that, like its just a fact. I was so insulted, that I really had no response. I touched my not fake hair and felt a little bitter pang. Ouch, usually I don’t put a lot of effort into myself. But I put my hair in hot rollers that day. Hot Rollers!!! I was trying to look nice!!! And then I thought if I had RuPaul was actually my fairy god mother, she would have all the words to make me feel better at that moment… all the wisdom I so desperately needed. I think she would have told this person to “Sashay away, and untuck back stage.”
But this time, I really did the right thing, I think. I responded, “My hair is real, thanks.” And I ended it, I dropped the conversation and really felt like a big girl. And left to bigger and better conversations… (So I later OMG’d about it with my friends, and told my sister*, but in the moment… acted I totally acted like an adult.)
But, I’m not so much an adult that I also didn’t take the time to draw about it:
I just used hot rollers, thanks for your casual hatred!
And I realized that this person and I shall never be friends, and that is WAY OKAY with me. I could say something like I learned to be a better person because of this situation. But I really just realized I like myself, and I’m so glad I don’t have to be in Horsetown with that Naysayer all the time! So you know what, I’m going to go on being 5 feet of tangible sunshine over here. And next time I will have a guard Kenneth with me:
Viciously Sweet 