My sister got married this last Saturday and I have to tell you it was incredibly awesome. The weather cleared before her ceremony, the day went on without a hitch. We giggled in incredible amount. I caught one of those bouquets she threw. So I guess that means I’m getting married. Someone should tell Jon Hamm as I choose him to marry in sound mind.
And of course, she looked amazing! And since she is not a fan of me posting pictures of her online (I am beginning to believe she is an international Jewel thief), I have decided to show this one of the back of her dress:
You can tell from the back of her dress how amazing she looked!
What I can share about what I have learned about weddings is that they are a lot of work, A LOT OF WORK! But when you love the couple it is more than incredibly worth it. I have never worked so much at a party ever, also I had a police escort to her room with the Dollar Dance moola. And I must give another thank you to Christine, who was a guest that didn’t mind to help me!
Thanks for helping me work my sister's wedding. And dancing to Pitbull with reckless abandon. Also for not getting lost with how many people at this wedding were named Christine...
I would like to share my rating of my sister’s wedding; 2 awesome thumbs up and 1 great winky face to my sister. I hope you are bonkers happy for all eternity!
Forever your girl,
Lauren
P.S. Word to my brother, it was an honor to see you dance to “Sexy & I know it” has changed my life. And in the future will totally traumatize both of your children. Rock on Tony!
I have been procrastinating on writing my speech for my sister’s wedding. As her maid of honor , and only person in her wedding party…Yes, that is right I am the party!
Back to my speech procrastinating… My dad has had his speech written for weeks. And as my mother lovingly threatened that she wants to hear this speech before I tell everyone at the reception that me and my sister like to watch Maury Povich’s “Baby Daddy” episodes, talk with Jennifer Lopez accent when we want to make fun of each other, and enjoy wrapping our hair around our face to pretend to have a mustache… but then again who doesn’t do that stuff?
Last night I was stressing about the words I would say to wish my sister well. And then as I started to write them my mother told me this golden nugget:
“Remember not every one gets your humor.”
Also "EEP ORK RIBBY RIBBY"
I just would like to say that the time for weird girls is upon us. Actually, it’s also cool for the gents too… I mean Tina Fey, Gonzo the Muppet, Amy Poehler, Jimmy Fallon, Zooey Deschanel, Margaret Thatcher… The world is crazy for those goobers.
When I have a project deadline at work and I totally meet it, I feel awesome.
When I have enough time after that deadline to print out, prepare, and roll my drawings in time for its intended meeting with enough time to doodle afterwards… I feel like a freaking conqueror.
When the moons align and this rare form of excellence happens, there is nothing can hold me back or hinder my uninhibited awesomeness. With how much work I have had recently I thought I would never again feel that kind of accomplishment. And then it happened:
And then I was happier than ever before. Until next time, perfect work moment.
Did you know that sometimes I like to tease my friends?
True story. Sometimes I pretend they are in love with high-profile celebrities. Sometimes I use their own words against them. Sometimes, I like to make up countries and non-hostile Canadian takeovers to make my point.
Created to be a Southern Canadian Alternative* to Provocative Cactus (*When Canada non-hostile style takes over Mexico, and re-names the land South Canada) I bring to you Seductive Maple Tree:
Doesn’t her red leaf boa flip your lid? How about her come-hither stare? She is truly a beacon of hope for a nation! She is practically like the new lady liberty. She brings Mounties, and syrup to you Mexico!
* EDITORS NOTE: I acknowledge that this post makes me seem totally insane, but what can you do? If South Canada ever becomes a thing though, I will totally be a prophet.
I have been really busy, with being the maid of honor to my sister and her quickly approaching wedding. Seriously, its like 10 days to that thing and I’m running around like a bull in the streets of Pamplona…But, that doesn’t mean I should neglect you. I think today I’m going to tell you a story that could make any girl relate.
You know when you are just trying to have a good time, and you put a little extra effort into looking nice, and you feel like a million bucks (that’s a lot of deer’s, btw.) And then you realize you are in the presence of an avid drinker of Haterade, their favorite flavor in this case, “Rain on Lauren’s dreams”. Well not too long ago I found myself in this situation, and I was not as drunk as I wish I could have been to have to be around this person.
I decided that with a little help of the B.F.F. I could completely ignore this person. I mean like totally ignore them, like a CBS comedy. So then as my luck so has it, I found myself not 10 minutes later in a conversation that includes this certain person… Shoot me in the face, right? And then much like the 1993 hit of Tag Team, “whoomp, there it is” an insult out of nowhere.
“OMG. Her hair is a weave.” And that her mentioned… was me!
Just like that, like its just a fact. I was so insulted, that I really had no response. I touched my not fake hair and felt a little bitter pang. Ouch, usually I don’t put a lot of effort into myself. But I put my hair in hot rollers that day. Hot Rollers!!! I was trying to look nice!!! And then I thought if I had RuPaul was actually my fairy god mother, she would have all the words to make me feel better at that moment… all the wisdom I so desperately needed. I think she would have told this person to “Sashay away, and untuck back stage.”
But this time, I really did the right thing, I think. I responded, “My hair is real, thanks.” And I ended it, I dropped the conversation and really felt like a big girl. And left to bigger and better conversations… (So I later OMG’d about it with my friends, and told my sister*, but in the moment… acted I totally acted like an adult.)
But, I’m not so much an adult that I also didn’t take the time to draw about it:
I just used hot rollers, thanks for your casual hatred!
And I realized that this person and I shall never be friends, and that is WAY OKAY with me. I could say something like I learned to be a better person because of this situation. But I really just realized I like myself, and I’m so glad I don’t have to be in Horsetown with that Naysayer all the time! So you know what, I’m going to go on being 5 feet of tangible sunshine over here. And next time I will have a guard Kenneth with me:
This made me laugh because I just tricked Amber into the half full/half empty game. She said my drink was half empty. There is nothing wrong with thinking a drink is half empty. It leads to hilarious results, like causing her to think every time Professional Eric cracks his neck that he’s going to burst an artery and die… but I digress.
This leads me to my current brain query. Where is this line we create to differentiate things like… is the drink really half gone or like my response “still pretty liquidy in there”? Will my phone ever tell me that it’s not longer mostly sunny, and is in fact partly cloudy? What is the difference between yellow-green and green-yellow? When will I go from moderately wanting to hit someone with my car to rolling over them?
The mind is a mystical thing.
I’m going to go contemplate life now… and draw some bathroom details.
It’s a brand new year. I know people are running down the streets claiming to be changed people, just because as Andre 3000 would say “the year is so fresh, and so clean-clean of their previous errors.”
I am not the kind of person who does that whole resolution thing, because I have the world’s shortest attention plan, I usually procrastinate so long that I find myself making resolutions in May. I actually like to try to make promises to myself on my birthday to make changes in my life, because unlike those people who plan their babies to be born on January 1st to win a motorcycle. My new year starts November 16, and when I make birthday goals, they are usually just fun, for example giggle as much as humanly possible- Now I giggle in my sleep, true story.
Well this year I read something that Amy Poehler said and it makes me think I should make a resolution to have more fun than ever before, and enjoy all the things that are just the best,
“Boys and girls—no one looks stupid when they’re having fun.”
I love it so much, I think this may be my new life motto.
So that weird thing you want to do… I’m in, if its fun.
And there is nothing I have more fun doing than making doodles so without any further hesitation…I present you the years first magnificent doodle:
Fun Fact: Raptors Are most Joyous when they are eating your face.
I hope 2012 s so great that we all feel like our faces are being eaten by raptors.
♫Lauren
Also good luck to all you resolution makers… I hope you succeed like crazy.
I will be the first to tell you I am the luckiest girl pretty much ever. Every day I am surrounded by my super fabulous family and deliciously awesome friends, and since I care not about my awkward-ness I will talk to anyone at anytime (usually about 30 Rock) but I digress. There is usually nothing that can rain on my lady parade… Except there is a thing that happens a this time of year that people call the Holidays… and although I am all for sweet tiny baby Jesus and staring at Isabel, and all the beautiful lights… I am not down for all the non-magic of the “Holidays.”
Firstly, all those wonderful fabulous people you adore all year-long turn into crazies during the Holiday Season. Where they will on a drop of a hat go bat-sh*t crazy all over your face for putting a snow man decoration in the wrong place, or taking artistic liberties with sugar cookies. Now even strangers who will usually send a hello and a smile your way will literally slash your tires, because you want to park your car near a store that they want to buy some sort of moose shaped cheese, or underpants for their significant otter.
I find this aggressiveness hard to deal with since my usual response is to shut down and disarm people who have tilted to madness on the crazy scale. There is something about this cut-you-in-the-face-and-then-give-a-hug time of year that makes me want to retreat unto myself, and hide until all the people and things are normal.
Another thing that totally blows about the holidays besides that fact that you actually have to spend time outside your tent of solitude is… dealing with people you don’t like. Seriously, maybe the reason we don’t see each other 98% of the year is because we don’t get along. And even though I can try to find something nice about you, maybe your complete lack of maybe even being a human makes this hard. And maybe I will just eat a gingerbread cookie and cry inside while you are around instead of telling you, because this is the time of “togetherness”.
Now I’m not all about complaining without trying to figure out a solution (this is my kind of science)… So what can we do about this? I have been told by friends, and family that actually hiding in a tent in my parents backyard may not be the answer-
So I have come up with 3 fabulous conclusions:
1. Maybe it’s time to dawn a fluffy hat, or fake eyelashes, or even develop a RuPaul fixation… anything you can use as a crutch to get you through this time:
I'm going to be all Jolly Hollers!
2. I’m also thinking that I may try to interpretive dance until everyone leaves me alone. Because there is only so long one can see you “feel” the music like that one super wasted lady at any concert.
3. This is the one I always try the hardest at… stop caring. My sister tells me this every year. And every year I fail, and end up crying covered in tamale fixings while watching a Sandra Bullock movie. But this year I’m dedicated…Oh the roast needs to be put in? Um I think I’m going to go watch Spongebob, because he doesn’t yell at me for putting up twinkle lights when obviously the stair banister wants multicolored lights.
Have a fun Holiday time everyone. Please don’t cut me.
Viciously Sweet 