The Secret Professional

So a few people have been asking… what is going on with the professional? Why are there no posts any more guiding me to the professional promise land? This has a complicated answer… as earlier this year the professional we knew did a King Edward VII , and abdicated his professional throne. The Kingdom of Professionalism was then thrown into anarchy and professional turmoil,  after the great battle and the “Treaty of Dab and Lauren” an interesting event transpired…

I think there is a new professional in town… and her name is my name too.

And I don’t know when it happened. I feel like some sort of were-professional…

In the last week:

♥ I have been carrying business cards in my purse

♥ I was caught updating my contact list

♥ I’ve worked late 2 nights in a row

♥ I’ve had a business meeting after work hours

♥ I used the term “collated” more than once in the last 8 hours

♥ I’ve been making lists with bullet points! (Although, the bullets are love hearts ♥)

Anyways the polls are in and it looks like I’m the new professional in town:

And on a “I work in a weird place” side note yesterday Amber and I took a quiz about who we are in the office and this was my answer:

And I was not surprised. That description is my 8-5, every Monday-Friday. The only difference is I have no Jim to giggle with all day… Okay, I’m going to go CC: people on some work like things ;)


My So Called (Unicorn) Life

Earlier this year I adopted a life motto I couldn’t have said better myself:

“No one looks stupid when they are having fun.”-Amy Poehler.

And since then I have really embraced it, I accept all offers if they sound like fun. Sometimes even if they don’t… and I know I can make them fun. And since then I have realized a few things.. the most important is, I live a fabulous and rare existence.

I really do.

I love to dance all over my house to Aretha Franklin songs. Drive to work singing along with Pitbull, drive home singing the songs of Phil Collins. And I draw for hours, sometimes I get paid for it… And then I also doodle in addition to that, just for fun. I can and do decided to go on super fabulous adventures on the drop of a hat… but not to Sea World on a Saturday (you can’t win them all.) I have a closet full of fabulous threads. Tons of lip-glosses and nail polishes… scads of jewelry and shoes. I also just got a pair of sparkly tights in the mail… I really do live a charmed life. And best of all is I have some fabulous friends who let me exist in my sparkly universe, and stop on by on occasion to watch it in real time. And my friends are all so different and deliciously brilliant, I get the thrill to appreciate each wonderful thing about them!

Now about a month ago if anyone had mentioned the fact that I live a rare magical existence I would have burst into tears, because I desperately wanted to be grounded like everyone else I know*.  But lately I realized through a few fantastic people… that I make their days a little brighter. And that really changed everything. I thank you friends for making me feel like the most magical unicorn that has ever existed. I may care more about concerts and charities than business and finances and I don’t know stock options and refinancing… or whatever serious people are into… but I do know that sometimes there is nothing better than watching a Disney cartoon and eating pizza after a hard day.

The world doesn’t have to be such a serious place, it can be full of the joy we make. And I think that is a choice that we make… I choose the fun, even if I look stupid.


Thank you friends for letting me be your unicorn.


Wool Gets In Your Eyes

I have been growing up a little more lately. I still want to be a goof, but I realized to “get along” with a broader spectrum of people I have to pretend to be a “professional”.

I know, I know that is a total blurgh in the face. Especially when your initial thought of a great day is show up to work and tell your coworkers that it is time to Wang Chung tonight, and hand everyone a bag of chiclets! And when you know in reality, they just want you to greet them with a “Hello. Business is splendid.”

I think that because of recent events in my life, I have been seeing the world more clearly now… work is not supposed to be a place where you have fun, because most people aren’t satisfied with what they do, they just do it because that is what they think they should be doing. (I like what I do though, it’s beyond rad to draw for a living!) And this has further led me down a path of understanding what I am expected to do in certain situations, and understanding what I want to do. And guess what? In true Lauren fashion, they are very different things.

And lately to get through the days at work I have turned to television to help a girl out. And what is a better learning example about working in an office, than “The Office”? I’ve been taking advice from sassy Pam Beesly of season 3. I want to be more honest and gutsy, I want to have an art show, I want to tell Jim that he should be my friend. And I want to stress like Pam did, Jim isn’t the important part of being a shiny new Beesly… being happy with yourself is the answer for that. You can hear her say this in the link below:

Pam’s Awesome Beach Speechs.

Here’s an important part of her speech for you non link clickers:

Anyways, I’m done with the woolly eyes. I want to see the truth, and I want people to respect that. I want people to know that I like me, and I can do anything, and not because I have to… Because I want to. And maybe sometimes I will be too helpful and emotional… but that is how I am, and I don’t think there is anything wrong with that!


Also I really love to draw little doodle sheep.

The Nostradamus Award

The following doodle came from one of those gray moments in life. And sadly not a Dorian Gray kind of moment. And… not exactly a 50 Shades of Gray moment in life (shout out to Amber who read those books twice). But yet a moment that could have been narrated well by Gilbert Gottfried.

I pray that someday he will narrate my life story…

Any who, on with the non specifics. Where as most will have to wait for my life story* to get the full details on this particular event in my life, we can all share this doodle. Basically, I never realized how important things you learn in high school are. Exponential Mathematics, running laps, learning how to do a Southern accent to be in “Steel Magnolias” never have done me any good in my real life. I never realized how having to read the Scarlet Letter outloud in school 9 years ago saved my life:

So, I sit here and wonder if and when I will employ any of those terrifying facts I learned from “Wuthering Heights”…

And note to all the people out there: The only time I’ll be “Scarlet” is when I’m playing “Clue.” She gets to go first, and in the Office Edition it’s Pam… and I am totally a Pam.

*The tentative title is “Love and Lollipops and Daggers: the Truest tales of Lauren”

You Are So Professional to Meeeeeeeeeeee

Today I felt inspired by a coworker to get down with my inner Weird Al. I was going to take a song from popular culture and craft it to fill the void in this simple office environment.

I feel now like I’m in front of a crowd of fans on a smoky stage. I am crafting words into a precise moment. Capturing it and sharing it with the good people of the world. Now let me break it down to you those lyrics are to the Joe Cocker song “You are so Beautiful”. And that coworker… is the most professional one out there.

I’m sure he’d tell me not to post this because it will get him in trouble with other professionals out there, or some ladies or something. But, I cannot oblige in this must be shared because you Eric… are so Professional to me.

I can’t even make it to the end of the song without crying on my binder clips.

♫ He’s so proficient…. To me
He completed all his deadlines…. he even had TIIIIMMEEE to PROOFREEEEEAD”♫

I have a feeling that Eric will not be amused by this, in fact when he sees this post I’m pretty sure this is going to be his reaction:

He may not be amused. But *tear tear* he’s so Professional (*tear) to meeeeeee


Missfit VS the Boys Club

I am a little weird. I am 26, I like to listen to Phil Collins at work, I am pop culture obsessed, I can talk in song titles (shout out to Jen & Tonic), and I have a cubicle that can rival the childishness of any Pixar employee. Problem is I don’t work for Pixar. I work in the “real world” and the “real world” is not like that Matchbox 20 music video with the same name.

The real world is kind of serious, and also has stupid social rules. Like no limbo-ing during the 9-5. Or actually maybe just my office. It’s such a boys club up in this office that it’s very obvious that sometimes me and the Amber just don’t really get what’s happening.

I think our new sashes demonstrate this:

I think there is nothing we can do except create an X-Men like community… I’m going to say I want to be Jubilee she gets a yellow jacket.
♥ and Lollipops,

The Grouchy Professional

So today I was being very good in the office, working on all the right things, saving and cross referencing all that I have to do… basically being an angel, okay. And then a certain coworker that I may have made into a meme comes on in, and is not so chipper. Being that I rode into work today on a unicorn of cheerfulness and good tidings. I thought I could do a little Lauren-y humor with him. And then I found out that much like a children’s story about a cantankerous coccinellidae I need to make an allegorical story about being grumpy… that brings me to today’s doodle. BTW this is not specific in anyway or is about any one of my coworkers:

or maybe it is.

The moral of the story is don’t be grumpy with the girl who knows Photoshop.

So everyone else out there in the big old internet, I hope you are having a lovely day. And if not… just make sure you don’t peeve a girl who can make a doodle of you in 30 seconds flat.

P to the S: He’s not so grumpy now that he’s full of the lunch. But still the doodle is done… if you know what I mean.

Ultimate Hip Hop Legend

Today is a pretty chill day. In more ways than one, actually.

The air conditioner keeps turning on no matter how much we change the temperature to keep us warm.

I stepped in a puddle and my pants are wet at the bottom, and I keep crossing my legs and making my knees and shins damp and literally chilly.

I can hear the wind blowing about in the trees outside the office, I cannot see this as I do not have a window in my cubicle.

I ate 3 of the most delicious wonton’s in the San Gabriel Valley today at lunch.

And to celebrate the Grammy’s that took place yesterday, I made this doodle of a Hip Hop Legend:

He’s a really great collaborator, plus he always comes with his entourage in pocket…



Professional Quote of the Day: January 18

Good Afternoon Professional Quote Enthusiasts!

It has been so very long since a quote from Professional Eric has graced the pages of Viciously Sweet. It was thought to be forgotten… until I heard that the world was suffering from a verbal professional drought! Then I recalled recent times in the office have been incredibly busy and also photoshop-less.

And then with all the magic of an 8-ball, Eric valiantly saved my computer from the viruses that plagued it, and enabled me to delve into the quote archives and resurrect the Professional Quote of the Day!

Without Eric, Professional Quote of the Day 2.0 would be impossible.

Without any further ado I present to you PQOTD2.0, volume 1:

Let us all commence data entry to honor him, professionally!