I was telling Professional Eric that I had the new best idea. It could make millions of dollars, it could bring world peace, it could save us from losing calcium in our bones!
Yes everyone, I’m talking about a Mrs. Doubtfire robot that makes you toast… and speaks in the voice of Robin Williams. For some reason Eric did not agree with my desire to have one of these machines, as obviously he could not handle the way it will change the world as we know it.
I think I just need to show my designs to the right people… and we will never again suffer the indignity of warming our own breads.
However if you don’t accept the toast… it will throw fruit at you. So remember always say yes to toast!
Today I have to go to the doctor, and much like everyone in the entire universe… I never want to go to there, because its the worst.
There is nothing wrong with me, and no one to my knowledge is putting me in the nice crazy house, but still I don’t want to go.
It’s mostly because if I am away from my computer, I’m not inclined to sit there staring into my phone in the waiting room. I usually choose to draw or read a tangible book, which in a waiting room makes the eyes glare upon you like you are dressed in medieval costume on a bus crazy. Try it sometime, and you will discover those prying eyes make you practically a waiting room mutant. Then coyly (socially awkward style in reality) I glance back at them, and even their 3 year old kids are on iphones and tablets… or playing with life size Mr. Belvedere robots… seriously.
But, I digress… I think this whole waiting room conundrum could be fixed if doctors were more fun:
I have decided to burst from the gate with this recent turn of events! This bloggy has an award coming its way!
Teri from The Narcissist’s Blog has nominated this little bloggy with a “One Lovely Blog Award,” and since she is so kind to click on and sometimes enjoy this crazy collection of doodles and words. I must thank her also for letting me enjoy all the self-reflection and crazy adventures in her fabulous life! She previously nominated me as a versatile blogger, but I forgot to fill out the stuff because my sister had me fixing up her wedding real nice-like and such. But thank you Teri, you are fabulous!
Also this Lovely Blog Award makes me feel like singing a love song to my blog:
Back to this nomination thingy!
As you all know there are rules to accepting these awards. The rules for The One Lovely Blog Award are as follows:
Thank the person who nominated you. (See Above paragraph)
Name your nominated blogs 10-15 is the standard number. Then notify them that you have done so. (I am only going to nominate a few peeps, so RULE BREAKER)
Share seven things about yourself. (Below are my facts and a fancy illustration!)
Nominations Ahoy!
I would always pick But that’s for another blog because I love nerdy love stories, and CIA cat. Also your blog about twinkies, inspired a serious lunch conversation at my work… because I also work with weird guys who believe in the power of twinkies.
My new current favorite funny blog Sips Of Jen and Tonic. You are a visionary, and sometimes I feel like I’m reading things I would write. Also be wary of Dave Coulier, remember what he did to Alanis and that weird chipmunk puppet from Full House.
And Ashley Jillian because she is a funny girl in an improv class with the Old Spice Guy. BTW, You’re my favorite XOXO
7 Things About Me!
1. If I could trade closets with anyone I would totally steal Dita Von Teese’s clothes. Because she is always dressed too cute! (Lauren’s Note: not when she’s working… because then she’s not really dressed, but I digress.)
2. I really have been into nail art. This is what my nails are doing this week! Also thanks Amber for getting me these nail stickers for Christmas:
3. Today I received a pink star card and an invitation to “The League of Professionals” at work, because I have more responsibility now! (This was obviously the doing of the most treasured professional in the SGV)
4. My first reaction to reading Teri’s comment was this is awesome… I need to make a doodle of getting an award. I present to you this doodle of the me and the worst acceptance speech ever.
5. I have 20 toys in my cubicle, this includes 9 kids meal toys, 1 lucky cat, 1 stuffed penguin, 2 beanie baby promotional wilsonart dogs, a ghost, and 6 beautiful gifts!
6. I really love kitchy things, including this weird sunflower I found in Washington DC:
7. I accidentally stole this pen from the Hyatt last weekend:
Now I’m going to continue to doodle. I hope 1 person learned something during this post. I hope that person is also singing that song about being a Super Model from Clueless.
I have been procrastinating on writing my speech for my sister’s wedding. As her maid of honor , and only person in her wedding party…Yes, that is right I am the party!
Back to my speech procrastinating… My dad has had his speech written for weeks. And as my mother lovingly threatened that she wants to hear this speech before I tell everyone at the reception that me and my sister like to watch Maury Povich’s “Baby Daddy” episodes, talk with Jennifer Lopez accent when we want to make fun of each other, and enjoy wrapping our hair around our face to pretend to have a mustache… but then again who doesn’t do that stuff?
Last night I was stressing about the words I would say to wish my sister well. And then as I started to write them my mother told me this golden nugget:
“Remember not every one gets your humor.”
Also "EEP ORK RIBBY RIBBY"
I just would like to say that the time for weird girls is upon us. Actually, it’s also cool for the gents too… I mean Tina Fey, Gonzo the Muppet, Amy Poehler, Jimmy Fallon, Zooey Deschanel, Margaret Thatcher… The world is crazy for those goobers.
When I have a project deadline at work and I totally meet it, I feel awesome.
When I have enough time after that deadline to print out, prepare, and roll my drawings in time for its intended meeting with enough time to doodle afterwards… I feel like a freaking conqueror.
When the moons align and this rare form of excellence happens, there is nothing can hold me back or hinder my uninhibited awesomeness. With how much work I have had recently I thought I would never again feel that kind of accomplishment. And then it happened:
And then I was happier than ever before. Until next time, perfect work moment.
Did you know that sometimes I like to tease my friends?
True story. Sometimes I pretend they are in love with high-profile celebrities. Sometimes I use their own words against them. Sometimes, I like to make up countries and non-hostile Canadian takeovers to make my point.
Created to be a Southern Canadian Alternative* to Provocative Cactus (*When Canada non-hostile style takes over Mexico, and re-names the land South Canada) I bring to you Seductive Maple Tree:
Doesn’t her red leaf boa flip your lid? How about her come-hither stare? She is truly a beacon of hope for a nation! She is practically like the new lady liberty. She brings Mounties, and syrup to you Mexico!
* EDITORS NOTE: I acknowledge that this post makes me seem totally insane, but what can you do? If South Canada ever becomes a thing though, I will totally be a prophet.
I have been really busy, with being the maid of honor to my sister and her quickly approaching wedding. Seriously, its like 10 days to that thing and I’m running around like a bull in the streets of Pamplona…But, that doesn’t mean I should neglect you. I think today I’m going to tell you a story that could make any girl relate.
You know when you are just trying to have a good time, and you put a little extra effort into looking nice, and you feel like a million bucks (that’s a lot of deer’s, btw.) And then you realize you are in the presence of an avid drinker of Haterade, their favorite flavor in this case, “Rain on Lauren’s dreams”. Well not too long ago I found myself in this situation, and I was not as drunk as I wish I could have been to have to be around this person.
I decided that with a little help of the B.F.F. I could completely ignore this person. I mean like totally ignore them, like a CBS comedy. So then as my luck so has it, I found myself not 10 minutes later in a conversation that includes this certain person… Shoot me in the face, right? And then much like the 1993 hit of Tag Team, “whoomp, there it is” an insult out of nowhere.
“OMG. Her hair is a weave.” And that her mentioned… was me!
Just like that, like its just a fact. I was so insulted, that I really had no response. I touched my not fake hair and felt a little bitter pang. Ouch, usually I don’t put a lot of effort into myself. But I put my hair in hot rollers that day. Hot Rollers!!! I was trying to look nice!!! And then I thought if I had RuPaul was actually my fairy god mother, she would have all the words to make me feel better at that moment… all the wisdom I so desperately needed. I think she would have told this person to “Sashay away, and untuck back stage.”
But this time, I really did the right thing, I think. I responded, “My hair is real, thanks.” And I ended it, I dropped the conversation and really felt like a big girl. And left to bigger and better conversations… (So I later OMG’d about it with my friends, and told my sister*, but in the moment… acted I totally acted like an adult.)
But, I’m not so much an adult that I also didn’t take the time to draw about it:
I just used hot rollers, thanks for your casual hatred!
And I realized that this person and I shall never be friends, and that is WAY OKAY with me. I could say something like I learned to be a better person because of this situation. But I really just realized I like myself, and I’m so glad I don’t have to be in Horsetown with that Naysayer all the time! So you know what, I’m going to go on being 5 feet of tangible sunshine over here. And next time I will have a guard Kenneth with me:
This made me laugh because I just tricked Amber into the half full/half empty game. She said my drink was half empty. There is nothing wrong with thinking a drink is half empty. It leads to hilarious results, like causing her to think every time Professional Eric cracks his neck that he’s going to burst an artery and die… but I digress.
This leads me to my current brain query. Where is this line we create to differentiate things like… is the drink really half gone or like my response “still pretty liquidy in there”? Will my phone ever tell me that it’s not longer mostly sunny, and is in fact partly cloudy? What is the difference between yellow-green and green-yellow? When will I go from moderately wanting to hit someone with my car to rolling over them?
The mind is a mystical thing.
I’m going to go contemplate life now… and draw some bathroom details.
It’s a brand new year. I know people are running down the streets claiming to be changed people, just because as Andre 3000 would say “the year is so fresh, and so clean-clean of their previous errors.”
I am not the kind of person who does that whole resolution thing, because I have the world’s shortest attention plan, I usually procrastinate so long that I find myself making resolutions in May. I actually like to try to make promises to myself on my birthday to make changes in my life, because unlike those people who plan their babies to be born on January 1st to win a motorcycle. My new year starts November 16, and when I make birthday goals, they are usually just fun, for example giggle as much as humanly possible- Now I giggle in my sleep, true story.
Well this year I read something that Amy Poehler said and it makes me think I should make a resolution to have more fun than ever before, and enjoy all the things that are just the best,
“Boys and girls—no one looks stupid when they’re having fun.”
I love it so much, I think this may be my new life motto.
So that weird thing you want to do… I’m in, if its fun.
And there is nothing I have more fun doing than making doodles so without any further hesitation…I present you the years first magnificent doodle:
Fun Fact: Raptors Are most Joyous when they are eating your face.
I hope 2012 s so great that we all feel like our faces are being eaten by raptors.
♫Lauren
Also good luck to all you resolution makers… I hope you succeed like crazy.
Viciously Sweet 