Storytime with Lauren

Is Lauren Interested? A Handy Guide to Figure Out How to Make Me Listen to You

| Viciously Sweet

Have you ever wondered when you are talking to me if I am interested in what you are talking to me about? I must tell you that if you are wondering you may already have your answer. Am I looking far away into space? Am I giggling in the middle of your words? Sorry about that friend, my brain goes at approximately 234 miles per second.

Lauren's Note: Sorry that this doodle scares you, Amber.

Now venture into the next zone carefully:

Firstly, ask yourself  is this really news I need to hear? Be honest with yourself. If the answer is no… walk away, until you made your story into an awesome concoction that I can’t live without.

If your answer is yes, I need to know about it instantly. You may want to use some Lauren convo traps. (I have a feeling that giving away my secrets may be a huge mistake, but I want to hear about new and exciting things, trap me into learning!)

The bait was something shiny!

1. Have you mentioned “the Cure” in any way? Mentioning Robert Smith and his brethren of musical accompaniments may help me  completely tune into what you are saying. Friday I’m in… totally listening to you.

In my imagination we could totally go get gelato and buy matching lipstick...

2. Have you thought of mentioning 30 Rock? If not you should! You may just blow my mind grapes with your witty repertoire.

I would wolf my teamster sub for Floyd.

3. If you may be losing me in conversation don’t fret… bring up chickens! Be they fried, doodled, free range, applying for drivers licenses in Arkansas… I’m there.

Chicken its the best food, and your best friend

4. Art, lets talk about it.. Mondrian, Hopper, Munch, Shag, Bob Dob, Utrillo, Kahlo…

Also Lets make famous art into chickens... combining numbers is muy bueno.

5. Am I going to get a present at the end of this conversation? Just give me a present. People should really give me more presents anyway.

Today the Dab gave me a rubber band, a paper clip and a binder clip... I was overjoyed.

6. Lets talk architecture. This is separate from art, because it is kind of my real profession and all.Tell me about your favorite building mid convo, I want to know about it. And if you can weave that into the story your telling… all the better.

Architectural PUNS!

7. This thing you are talking about…  are you super passionate about it? Does it drive your existence? I love to hear that kind of stuff… I mean if you are really into your story… How could it not become a classic for all ages?

I hope you love it when I talk about gelato

8. Are you talking about an instance that happened to someone I know… that always helps, so I can imagine… I’m usually hoping for a funny circumstance or something… But if its someone I don’t really like- like at all, lets not tell the story. Let’s instead talk about #1-7.

I need an owl to help me out in this situation

And that is really it. Help me become a better listener! I really want to hear all about that really cool thing that happened to you that one time when that other thing happened.

♫Lauren

P (to the ) S: that was a lot of doodles.

Pan-Am-iest post of the day

| Viciously Sweet

Anyone who knows me, knows that I’m cuckoo for cocoa puffs about the 1960s.
I love the clothes, I love the style. I love modernism, I love the matte lipstick, I love it all.

And I love interpretations of it. So I watch Mad Men, American Dreams, Gilligan’s Island, Petticoat Junction, That Girl, Mary Tyler Moore and every Doris Day movie, as much as possible… and now I watch Pan Am.

It isn’t as smokily correct as many people would like it to be but, eh. As long as I don’t have to see CBS-style-comedy (balls… stds, Haha) I’m basically going to enjoy it.

I'm going to go to the corner and die... because of the historical smoke accuracy

The only part of the show that I don’t really “get” is the main character Laura. Because she may actually be a kitty, playing a person.

I don't get it

But, I do like the show, don’t get me wrong. I realize that sometimes I am not sharpest light in the socket. And seriously I like their clothes. Their clothes are like wow.

Colette has the best clothes.
I will definitely wear all of this

Also I like Ted, but that is a surprise to no one is surprised by this as I always like the mildly jerky guy with dark hair and candy:

How can I resist?

and here is a doodle to prove it:

But then again maybe I shouldn’t advertise this as men do follow me around trying to get me to pay attention to their card tricks which makes me… so very weirded out.

The blonde guy is nice too, but he may or may not actually be a Ken doll:

He may be like the "Small Wonder" of Air Line Pilots

He’s so blonde and pretty. I feel like he would match any pair of shoes.

Okay and maybe the conclusion of this blog is… I think the pilot’s on this show are handsome dudes. Or maybe that modern guys should dress nicer.
And maybe this year because this show is on the air, I can finally get my hands on one of these:

And I won’t keep having to tell people how much I want one!
♫Lauren

This is why I cut you

| Viciously Sweet

I have been extra spicy lately. And by that I mean a little more bite your face off.
Now I only really notice this when I am at work and I think it could be for the following reasons:

1. I am suffering from “cubicle fever.” I honest to goodness feel the 8×8 yellow walls closing in on me…
2. It is quieter than mime hell in this office. And I’m not the only one here? What kind of frothy hell am I in?
3. The office penguin needs a fresh new hat. Pirate Penguins are so last season.
4. The temperature in the office is set on make Lauren into “Encino Man.” And I’m not really into Brendan Fraser.
5. I really want to see my new niece. She’s so fresh.
6. There is no “Mad Men” on TV. And it’s what I want, what I really really want.
7. The Beach boys do not enunciate their words in “Barbara Ann.” This is an absolute concern to me today.
8. I want to be dressed like Elvira, for all the rest of time. But no one can handle me being that provocative. Also I don’t think that hair will fit in my car.
9.The apple I brought to work today was supposed to be a “golden delicious,” and it was more of a “yellow mushy”… also it tasted only like wet.
10. I only remembered 175 countries out of the 198 countries in the world. Darn you Caribbean Islands, especially you Grenada. Because I totally forgot you existed.

I’m in serious need of a Photoshop break.

♫Lauren

My new threads

| Viciously Sweet

I’ve been getting in some trouble for some months now, every time I dress nice… people follow me to my car, stare deeply at me, or accuse me of staring at their man.

Um I just tried to look nice for a change, sorry that me putting more that 10 minutes into my makeup offends people. To try to appease the public (and save myself from swift parking lot murders) I have decided to spice up the old wardrobe:

♫Lauren

P.S. This is Christine’s response (which I immortalized in doodle):

Thanks little liquid beanie!

P.P.S. I did stare at him… he was sitting across the table from me. Hey Angel!

Pixie Stix Disaster 2011

| Viciously Sweet

Last week my neighbors had a party where they had a candy bar. Jellybeans, weird toffee, snickers, twix, and a whole tub of pixie stix. When I saw those sugary tubes of joy I knew I had to have one. One turned into 3, and that turned into 7 and I was just so happy that my taste buds still thought they were as rad as they did 15 years ago. (I feel very blessed.)

So I feel a little less this:

And a little more this:

Although, now I feel like I have a problem. I didn’t realize at the time is that this candy would turn me into a sugar addict. Like Charlie Sheen style, on top of the world, kind of sugar addict.

So I tried to stop, but at lunch I had a Dr. Pepper and I’m back to basically wanting to roll through pile sugar (while I threaten someone into a closet, who will shortly call the police on me).

Also the biggest conundrum of all.. how am I supposed to lose weight for my sister’s wedding if all I want is to eat all the sugar in the world?

And worse is she going to replace me with Ashton Kutcher if I can’t stop myself?!?!

♫Lauren

Only in my dreams

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In addition to being a giggly, constant doodler… sometimes I day-dream. I think this makes me a real world lady version of Doug Funnie, but I’m not entirely sure…
But I am sure about this:

I mean wanting to be the godzilla of bananas is not a weird thing right? Maybe I’m eating too much fruit.

♫Lauren

Missed Opportunities

| Viciously Sweet

I really like plants, they are full of delicious oxygens, and they smell nice too.
But I don’t own plants because I kill them. I’m not like Jack the Ripper of plants… but more like a neglectful parent, I buy them, leave them in the sun and feel all sorts of sad when they die… or the cat eats them.

I actually sometimes see them in stores, and make sure I don’t take them home (because I know their fate) I then hope that someone who can take care of plants will purchase it, and it will grow with green hot intensity at their abode.

Right now I’m suffering from forgetting Arbor day exists. I don’t know why I feel so sad that I forgot Arbor Day happened months ago, but I feel like I could have like planted a tree or something… but now I just feel sadly indifferent.

Also making this post made me remember this song about trees from my childhood:


Dont’ tell the Arbor Day Foundation I’m bad at watering plants! They send that classy robin to sing at me! And then Al Gore will put me on a Nature Watch Enemies list, and then I’ll never get enough carbon credits to get a seat for the Premiere of the Captain Planet movie!

♫Lauren

My apologies to Mark Twain, and one of my best ideas of this week.

| Viciously Sweet

Last night, after a rousing trip to Ikea with the incredibly overworked Nancy, I set in for a long summers nap (aka sleep.) But could not really sleep so I watched one of my newer favorite-teen-movies-staring-really-old-actors, “Easy A”…
You know with that adorable as hell Emma Stone.


(btw, I would so wear that)

And that guy I never found attractive until I watched this movie:

And what he is also Woodchuck mascot? Sign me up please… don’t worry he’s probably 30.
Oh wow, nope he’s 24.

I have decided that the world now could truly accept the bounty of a teen movie created by my friends and me. Seriously wouldn’t you love to watch a movie about…

a weird and incredibly clumsy artsy girl:

a weird yet adorable scientific girl:

a teen who was far too intellectual for High School:

a pseudo goth, and a… well a… girl who hated life, while simultaneously being a… person?

Now imagine their journey while being nerds in a repressed Catholic School with cameos of foreign exchange students, Canadians, never-ending spanish classes, Religion classes from hell, awful snobby classmates (who applied makeup like Elizabethan whores), and the most incredibly creepy teacher who has ever existed!

Hours of entertainment, am I right?
Plus, school days off because of a fire? This stuff practically writes itself.

♫Lauren

(photos courtesy of “Easy A” & Photobucket)

Hark, my apathy approaches!

| Viciously Sweet

I have been feeling a bit on the apathetic side as of late, and I apologize to anyone I may offend by not especially caring about things…
Don’t worry it’s not just specifically to you. I really like you, I’m just in a funk.
I am in a I’m-stuck-in-the-quietest-office-ever-and-I-have-been-studying-wood-sizing-funk, for the last week… and I think today I have reached the point in my apathetic existence where either 2 things could happen:

1. I could stay like this forever and practically become a character from “Daria”.

2. I can try to be a positive acting 20-something and try to make more excitement by trying new ventures.

I’m going to try for the latter of the 2. I am going to make my doodles into a thing. Yes, purses, a real website… It’s going to be awesome.
I’m working on a whole bunch of prints to make into some really cool stuff… like pillows, and purses, ponchos and things that don’t start with p’s too!

And of course I’m going to keep studying for the ARE’s even though they hate me.

♫Lauren