Do you ever get asked a question so many times you came with a personal FAQ. I wish I did then I wouldn’t have to answer the same questions over and over.
Especially the annoying ones.
So: FAQ’s about Lauren
Are you really that short?
Yes, I am 5′-0″ and I still choose to wear flats. Also I have to cut off like 8″ of pants when I buy a new pair.
Come on… is that a weave?
Sadly, no. My hair is real, and all mine.
Is your personality for real?
Yes, it is. Sometimes I know I’m a little perky for my own good. Conversely, I am also a troublemaker. Mischief and Shenanigans are truly synonymous with my existence.
Let’s be sneaky sneaks!
Does everyone know about that thing that happened to you at work?
Yes, I am that girl that really cruddy thing happened to. And now I like being walked to my car by not creepy people.
Do you just love “Family Guy”?
Sorry, I don’t watch Family Guy, I just don’t get the humor.
Are you really Jenna Rink?
I do like the movie “13 going on 30,” a little too much. And my new coworker sometimes thinks I live her life, but that is only on Tuesdays- Thursdays. But I do plan on being Flirty Thirty and Thriving in a few years.
Pretty much me all day…
Tell us about Enrique Iglesias!
Enrique Iglesias did squeeze my butt when I hugged him. He smelled good and is more handsome that pictures can show him. Also he has a firm grip.
I can touch your butt, and you won’t even complain. But don’t let creepy dudes do it…. okay,
Do you have a boyfriend?
I am single. If you would like to inquire more please see the attached doodle:
And then maybe they will just sulk away and leave me alone in my alone-ness.
But life is never that simple. Actually, I never thought until right now how hard it must be to be Jennifer Aniston. Imagine all the questions she has to answer about how single she is, and how no one likes her… and how Enrique Iglesias never grabbed her butt. I bet her hair dresser is all over her singleness, and so are the waitresses at the restaurants she goes to, her cousins, that really prying Aunt… just can’t get enough about it.
But then again she has all sorts of money and got to kiss Paul Rudd for money… so her life is actually really fantastic.
And, I would trade the entire Enrique Iglesias thing for some Paul Rudd time.
Yeppers… me just all over this. Our hair is just so wavy the possibilites are getting better.
Sometimes I find it so hard to be stuck in a place I don’t necessarily want to be in. I think everybody has this feeling. And it’s not that I am literally stuck in the worst place. I am just kind of sitting at a crossroads. I don’t know what I want but I do know that the outcome I want is… happiness.
I am like everyone else in that way. I just want the happy.
Now I can be happy in pretty much every situation, it’s true. It’s really just the perspective I keep to stay sane.
And even the worst days have things to be happy about.
Like yesterday we lost our lunch table and I had to eat lunch alone at my desk. Well I can say that it was cruddy and I didn’t get to see the outside at all yesterday until after 6.
Or I can say I got to draw at my desk for an hour… And that is where this little friend came from:
Dolly Parton is one of my favorite people. She really gets it in a totally awesome way. And by totally awesome way I mean “flashy clothes and big boobs.”
So although everyday may not be the best put up with it, live in it, and enjoy it. Because rain isn’t so bad when you are waiting for your rainbow.
And the best things about today is that it’s sunny, and I got to eat chicken fingers and make Jonathon a birthday card.
And hopefully my rainbow will be here soon. And yours too! I am not stingy with my joy.
Happy Tuesday! I hope it’s really wonderful ♥ (Image Courtesy of: Tumblr and NBC)
Even when I know I messed up my eye makeup when I’m doing it.
I just can’t help myself:
They are just going to roll away and leave me one of these days, and I’m going to be all eye-less and I”m going to have to put buttons there like that “Coraline” story.
Sadly, one of my coworkers knows that when they talk, I roll my eyes at them. In my I can’t help myself defense…this is because I know everything they say is the worst.
BUT ROLLING EYE BONUS: It stops them from saying my eyes are so “mysterious” and “alluring”. Seriously. Pervy.
ALSO NOTED: Writing about my absurdly quiet office is becoming a bummer. They need to get it together.
Basically, it’s like the only private moment I get in my day…
I know that it is really childish to hide in your hair to avoid things.. but sometimes you just can’t help yourself. Also my hair smells like coconuts so it’s like a little tropical vacation.
On a “I may be crazy” side note: My sister says when I get to the point where I want to hide in my hair, I should really take some time off of work or whatever I am doing… but sadly, I cannot… So I’m going to book a conference for one in Hair Room, ahoy!
I work in a very special place. I have discussed it many times. There are many awkward mishaps, tears, laughter, and so many broken refrigerators you may think I work in a refrigerator repair shop.
And even though I’m like 10 feet from a broken fridge as I type, I am still pretty sure I am not working in the fabulous world of refrigerator repair.
Yep, that fridge is broken. Welcome to room temperature water for 2.5 months (so far).
Not everything is something to complain about… Our water is deliciously free, and I do have my own stapler. But then sometimes, like at lunch everything is going fine and then all of a sudden everything stops being okay. I sit there and take in all the people I work with ripping on each other. Sometimes I interject, and try to shut it down:
Shut this convo down… for sure!
But a lot of the time I just look to the side and pray that a camera crew is watching us, because there is no way things like should really happen like this in real life.
Wow did I have to learn that about your wife/ girlfriend who irrationally doesn’t like me already? And now I can think about that first the next time I have to see them, after months of successfully avoiding them? I didn’t think presents could get better.
And then there is the general non-acceptance that happens between different people with “different” personalities:
-You have a dream, you may not want to share that sucker… Because there is someone there to generally crush it, while eating a plate of rice and sausages.
-You want to keep anything a secret? Well you might as well just keep that to yourself… otherwise you might as well print it out and hand it to everyone in memo form.
– You just want to say something nasty about someone you spend most of your waking hours with? Why don’t you just do it so everyone can pretend it didn’t happen… or pray that it didn’t…
-Care to talk about highly specific beliefs or political views? Why don’t you just share them with everyone?
– How about harass people? Why don’t’ you just go for it? Why don’t you make them really uncomfortable? How about you do that until they start to cry?
Just keep on keeping on… I’ll be there praying that all of this isn’t really happening:
Honestly the more I sit back and notice… life never really progresses past high school for a lot of people. They get stuck in those roles and hold on to them for some reason. Safety, insecurity, maybe even just aggressive role play. And you find yourself stuck in environments that you cannot believe still actually exist… because you are not in that mental state anymore. And who is wrong in this situation?
Probably… the person who still holds a grudge against you for something you did when you were 15. I’m going to go with that answer. And now I’m going to explain why:
So I see this girl who I used to know when we were kids and work with her when we were teenagers. She still works around my general area, and since I’m more present in the area of where I grew up now I still see her about everyone in a while. In a recent turn of events it turns out that after all these years I get to work with her again. I see her, and nothing much has changed.. she still wears the same over-sized tie dyed shirts and grey sweatpants, her hair is still reminiscent of the bowl cut she used to have –a little longer but still the same shape, and yes, she still carries a thermos… that hopefully is still not full of Mountain Dew. (That stuff is just too sugary, and no one needs thermos amounts of that). I see her as a fantastic flashback to my teen years. From the look on her face I know she recognizes me too, and so with the enthusiasm of Jenna Rink I approach her with a big warm smile.
Me: “Hi _____. What have you been up to all these years?”
Her: “Not much, still working here.”
Me: “Oh, that’s great. I’m volunteering some of my time here.”
Her: “Ugh, of course.” –kind of just ignores me.
Now, since I haven’t talked to her in like 10 years you would think I could get a better greeting than an “UGH.” I mean I am a human, and I have not thrown up in her car, broken her glasses, or stolen her thermos that I’m sure is teeming with Dew.
Trying to brush off my less than courteous greeting… I get to the stuff I’m supposed to be doing, and make some cheery comments (this is a thing Lauren’s do). And I feel like I’m practically working with the Snow Queen. There is no response from her besides grunts.
Me: “Okay. What’s up? Did I do something to you? The last time I saw you we were teenagers?”
Her: “Oh that’s how you are going to act???? You know what you did!!”
I stopped there in my sensible cardigan and floral dress. What could I have done that was bad enough to receive that response? I was a teenager. I never said anything about how she dressed. I mean, I was wearing waspy dresses I found at vintage stores, weird denim jackets and shirts with pins in them and Billy Idol gracing my chest, and let’s never forget bracelets with spikes. I never drank her dew-ey thermos. I actually wouldn’t even let people make fun of her, because although she was quiet and a little awkward… she was a nice girl. And I don’t think people give teenagers enough breaks, especially when you are one.
What could it have been? I went around stacking up books. I was completely puzzled. Well a few hours after I left… it hit me. It had to be the problem all girls have with each-other … a boy! Could it have really been about boys? Boys, neither of us have talked to in years?!?!? So truth be told me and this girl were never a dynamic duo…and we also worked with a few boys, boys who were so sweet. Walk-you-to-your-car, buy-you-ice-cream kind-of-boys. And then I realized, the real problem was… they never paid that kind of attention to her. Considering that I am not married to any of those boys, nor did I ever (seriously) date any of them. You would think it wouldn’t be a problem…
And then I remember this one time when we were walking out and one of these boys was carrying a few books to my car for me.
“Things are always easy… for girls like you” she told me with a sharp glare. Then she went back to staring at this cute, tall, boy with the darkest curliest hair who was putting my books in the passenger side of my car. Who never paid her any sort of attention unless it was work related. (He never even carried her books or thermos once to my knowledge.)
And I took it her dig at me, with no regard to what she was saying. Because I am not like Sofia Vergara, you know. I’m just an average girl. I was young, and well I was probably dressed like Parkey Posey in “Party Girl”:
This is how I used to dress… a lot. (Courtesy of bookface)
And then after a while I stopped working there because I went took too many classes, went to college. Met more people who would say things about “girls like me”, and I still didn’t give a crap. I just grew up and got over it. Because that is what you do. I never realized that some people just can’t get past it. Now, I could make some sort of reference to Heather Mooney from Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion. You know the girl who hated Michele because a boy liked her, even though Michele was never interested in him, or really even cared. I even asked my friends if getting one of those guys to come and see her now would be a good thing? I got so many astounding “no’s” and actually could only imagine their meetings going something like this:
And sadly, I find myself in a situation where I have to deal with someone who just can’t get over a wrong that was never malicious or vicious from over 10 years ago. 10 years. A whole decade. A time in which we saw the rise and fall of Britney Spears! And we finished out the tv shows like Friends, Frasier, and even the Office! Why can’t we just accept that teen-aged people and even adults do dumb things without thinking about them? And they never meant harm… especially a grudge that could last like half of your life.
Why can’t we all just get along?!?!
And even after writing out this whole story. There is nothing I feel like I can really do about any of this situation. The only thing I can do is to try to get done what I promised. But still maybe I’ll take some time to make a doodle or two about her unnecessary and rude comments. Because I totally don’t think I deserve to be treated like gutter junk, simply because I have a bubbly personality:
Why can’t she just be cool? There is an ice cream parlor so close to us!!! Nothing bad can happen in a place so close to ice cream! And if we were buddies I would even buy her a scoop.
So what I’m saying is that things change and we shouldn’t be afraid to change with them. Also holding grudges is serious business, that is seriously bad. And truthfully and most importantly, I still kind of dress like Parker Posey in “Party Girl.”
Yep. Still dress like this. (Courtesy of Cineflix)
Today I’m going to keep my words short and hopefully my doodle will be more poignant, I just wanted to take the time to say that I totally value all of my friends and thanks them for being amazing!
Whether I know you in real face to face life, or just internet life this doodley doodle is totally for you-dle:
Whether you love Valentine’s Day or not… it is upon us. And even though I don’t have a Valentine this year that isn’t a cat… I can say, I kinda like it…
Not for the mega expensive red roses, or huge boxes of candy at the CVS. Seriously, there was a $40 box of candy there this week when I went to go get some mascara. Who would buy that!?!
Mostly I like Valentine’s Day because, I totally like people being nice and giving me candy until I get a stomach ache! Already took my visit to Candyland today, and ate my arms weight in chocolate. And now I have the stomach ache of a small child who should have ate her lunch and not candy.
For all of you out there who love today or not, I give you this little greeting from my favorite provocative plant:
So I’m all stuck at work today. And outside couldn’t be more beautiful. I know this is true, because I saw it at lunchtime while eating pudding in my coworkers car. That isn’t a weird thing…
So how can you deal with this cruel peek at the beautiful world a then return to your bleak little cubicle? You can handle it the Lauren Way! I just sit in my cubicle and make things cuter than they actually appear!
For example: Your plain old boring stapler? Try to make it yellow and then coordinate everything you can to it!
This is my stapler… my nails match it now, and so does my post-its. Someday it will look like the sun is coming from my cubicle, true story!
And doodles… well, just make sure they make something cuter than it actually needs to be:
This is how I get through tough times… I draw regular items as even cuter then they actually appear.
Oh, and Indulge in your silliness. You may not think it’s the best thing, career wise…and it may not get you as far as someone with a total stick up their butt and a jacket with straight up lapels… BUT, you won’t get bogged down in the junkiness of a regular work day, either. And sometimes the carpet sample guy will bring you a big throw rug just because you make work fun (that is a true story!)
Can you expect anyone else to be giggly and happy for you?
And soon enough it will be 5pm and you can go home and dance until you pass out. Oh darn, I think I just gave away my plans. Also I should study and draw more cute things. #ALLMYDREAMSAREWEIRD
Viciously Sweet 