Amber Protocol: Tri-folds and Tribulations

We all have our protocol quirks in my office.

-Proper phone etiquette is a biggie. (I always tell people to have a nice day when I say my professional tidings.)

-Being more streamlined. (this is all the Professional.)

-Getting our deadlines done. (I think most people want this.)

-Not having a break-room full of ants (sane people.)

-Refilling the water for the Keurig (People who don’t want the world to end. My boss wants coffee.)

-Getting prints at a good quality (the printer is my nemesis )

-Using the tri-pod to take project photos (Ahem, Professional)

-Not having enough bullet points (it seems like enough, now :) )

And well now I know one of my new desk mates big professional gripes… incorrectly folding invoices:

She’s going to judge you and your whole company if it has that weird extra bit folded over the rest of it.

So remember when you send us stuff, and you want Amber to not be mad… tri-fold it like you mean it.

Does anybody else have a serious office procedural quirk? Or just how you think things should be done? Are we just crazy in this office?

The world may never know.


2013 is going to be Awesome

So I’m back at work.

I’m sorta reeling from the sad knowledge that I have to sit for 8 hours a day again, and for my inability to wear yoga clothes to work… as I spent several days in the last week sporting some of the most bad-ass pajamas you can imagine. Penguins with popcorn, cats with little hats, neon green and gray yoga pants that would make David Lee Roth a little jealous. I’m all class in the jammy jamz department! I’m also realizing that I will not have any time out of my work confines until I vacation at the end of the year.


That sounds so far away now.

Anyways… back to me in my cubicle. Everyone is talking about stuff as people in offices do. Apparently we’re moving locations in March. And actually, I’m getting a window… Imagine that, a window for little Ole’ Me! Back to the windowless rectangle I work in… some professional is doing something, and of course there is always someone trying to gossip. Is it sad that I’m used to this as my existence?

Well I’m just going to get past all of this, this year. And I will get through it with wit, smiles and far far less tears than last year. This is not the first time I will admit to get through my days I rely extensively on my imagination, and I promise myself this year that when things get ugly around me I’m going to take to my imagination and make something good instead of getting upset. And the silver lining in all of this is when I imagine things maybe I can make somebody have a giggle or two at my doodles. With that I present today’s doodles:

Cubicle thought time with Lauren is brought to you by Lauren’s crazy brain!

And then maybe someone else will ponder the current actions of Stevie Nicks. Which will start a whirlwind Stevie Nicks revolution and then people will be dressing like her… the mall will be covered in sparkly black shrouds, and then everyone will hate and simultaneously love Lindsey Buckingham, and we will all have sweet sweet necklaces:

I have been thinking about Stevie Nick’s a lot lately. Anyone else want to see Fleetwood Mac this summer? Anyone else really love the song “Rhiannon” or “Go Your Own Way?” They are personal favorites.

And then maybe someone will be driving and will smile at a stranger (and totally make their day) because their mind is being regaled by the thought of a sheep in Alpaca wooly sweaters:

This sheep is so handsome… He’s practically the George Clooney of the sheep community.

And everyone who reads this blog, thank you. I hope your new year is incredibly wonderful… and full of great and unusual thoughts and experiences. If you have some you need to share. Just drop them here. I am a recycling center for weird things.

Also all this weird I just recorded here reminds me of a truly fabulous quote:

Image Courtesy of: If you wish it- Tumblr And Lewis “Why is a Raven like a writing desk?” Carroll


Crimes Against Professionalism

Today I accidentally put the subject line as a CC:’d correspondent. This is a big problem, not just because the email would send me one of those undeliverable pings, and everyone would see my error… But because of the “Proclamation of Professionalism”

That means there is a “Professional” imposed  moratorium of my mischief at work while our new coworker acclimates to the environment, that means not mentioning the 3 Professional NoNo’s:

1. Oprah

2. Doodling/This website

3. No excess giggling, etc.

The lack of these 3 things totally activated the Lame-o-meter in my brain. So until I am released.. my next posts will be from professional prison. Where I spend my time whittling architectural scales, cleaning up the world’s filthiest kitchenette and of course singing rad 1980s/ early 90s songs (they can’t take those from me):

 Someday, I will be free again to doodle and cavort around… And then I shall sing “I wanna dance with somebody” for all the office to hear!

Until then… I will work on my underground doodles…


The Secret Professional

So a few people have been asking… what is going on with the professional? Why are there no posts any more guiding me to the professional promise land? This has a complicated answer… as earlier this year the professional we knew did a King Edward VII , and abdicated his professional throne. The Kingdom of Professionalism was then thrown into anarchy and professional turmoil,  after the great battle and the “Treaty of Dab and Lauren” an interesting event transpired…

I think there is a new professional in town… and her name is my name too.

And I don’t know when it happened. I feel like some sort of were-professional…

In the last week:

♥ I have been carrying business cards in my purse

♥ I was caught updating my contact list

♥ I’ve worked late 2 nights in a row

♥ I’ve had a business meeting after work hours

♥ I used the term “collated” more than once in the last 8 hours

♥ I’ve been making lists with bullet points! (Although, the bullets are love hearts ♥)

Anyways the polls are in and it looks like I’m the new professional in town:

And on a “I work in a weird place” side note yesterday Amber and I took a quiz about who we are in the office and this was my answer:

And I was not surprised. That description is my 8-5, every Monday-Friday. The only difference is I have no Jim to giggle with all day… Okay, I’m going to go CC: people on some work like things ;)


Wool Gets In Your Eyes

I have been growing up a little more lately. I still want to be a goof, but I realized to “get along” with a broader spectrum of people I have to pretend to be a “professional”.

I know, I know that is a total blurgh in the face. Especially when your initial thought of a great day is show up to work and tell your coworkers that it is time to Wang Chung tonight, and hand everyone a bag of chiclets! And when you know in reality, they just want you to greet them with a “Hello. Business is splendid.”

I think that because of recent events in my life, I have been seeing the world more clearly now… work is not supposed to be a place where you have fun, because most people aren’t satisfied with what they do, they just do it because that is what they think they should be doing. (I like what I do though, it’s beyond rad to draw for a living!) And this has further led me down a path of understanding what I am expected to do in certain situations, and understanding what I want to do. And guess what? In true Lauren fashion, they are very different things.

And lately to get through the days at work I have turned to television to help a girl out. And what is a better learning example about working in an office, than “The Office”? I’ve been taking advice from sassy Pam Beesly of season 3. I want to be more honest and gutsy, I want to have an art show, I want to tell Jim that he should be my friend. And I want to stress like Pam did, Jim isn’t the important part of being a shiny new Beesly… being happy with yourself is the answer for that. You can hear her say this in the link below:

Pam’s Awesome Beach Speechs.

Here’s an important part of her speech for you non link clickers:

Anyways, I’m done with the woolly eyes. I want to see the truth, and I want people to respect that. I want people to know that I like me, and I can do anything, and not because I have to… Because I want to. And maybe sometimes I will be too helpful and emotional… but that is how I am, and I don’t think there is anything wrong with that!


Also I really love to draw little doodle sheep.

Work Confessions: The Hive

Today’s post is short and sweet (just like me!)

I go to the bathroom a lot at work. Sometimes it’s because I drink too much water, other times it’s to calm myself from being stressed, sometimes it’s because I have to cry in a private situation… and sometimes:

I can’t be the only person in their mid-twenties thinking about beehives during work hours. Think about how big you could make it… maybe it could hold office supplies… or a switchblade like that girl from La Bamba.

I was briefly worried this doodle would make me sound weird, but we all need a little work relief sometimes… and I know someone who has eaten lunch in the bathroom to escape their office.


Professional Quote of the Day: February 17th

Welcome to the Professional Quote of the Day! This is where the internet gets real Professional!

Today Eric (the most treasured Professional in the San Gabriel Valley) got very reflective. And that has nothing to do with his pants that are made of solar panels (which are made up, but I think he’d wear them).

He’s was having one of those moments when he thinking about his place in the world, and his future as a professional. It got very deep, there were a few tears, some resolutions made… and oh yes, about 3 slices of chocolate cake.

But all that led him to this quote, Today’s Professional Quote of the Day:

And then when asked if there was an end to striving for professionalism he said this:

Fun Fact: The Pursuit of Professionalism just goes on and on like the Titanic theme!

Yeah I know that’s technically 2 quotes, but they will be on the test*!


*And they very well could be as he is a Professional Professor  too! He actually will take any job that has “pro” in the title.

Some people think I have a lovely blog

I have decided to burst from the gate with this recent turn of events! This bloggy has an award coming its way!

Teri from The Narcissist’s Blog has nominated this little bloggy with a “One Lovely Blog Award,” and since she is so kind to click on and sometimes enjoy this crazy collection of doodles and words. I must thank her also for letting me enjoy all the self-reflection and crazy adventures in her fabulous life! She previously nominated me as a versatile blogger, but I forgot to fill out the stuff because my sister had me fixing up her wedding real nice-like and such. But thank you Teri, you are fabulous!

Also this Lovely Blog Award makes me feel like singing a love song to my blog:

Back to this nomination thingy!

As you all know there are rules to accepting these awards.  The rules for The One Lovely Blog Award are as follows:

  1. Thank the person who nominated you. (See Above paragraph)
  2. Name your nominated blogs 10-15 is the standard number. Then notify them that you have done so. (I am only going to nominate a few peeps, so RULE BREAKER)
  3. Share seven things about yourself. (Below are my facts and a fancy illustration!)

Nominations Ahoy!

  • I would always pick But that’s for another blog because I love nerdy love stories, and CIA cat. Also your blog about twinkies, inspired a serious lunch conversation at my work… because I also work with weird guys who believe in the power of twinkies.
  • My new current favorite funny blog Sips Of Jen and Tonic. You are a visionary, and sometimes I feel like I’m reading things I would write. Also be wary of Dave Coulier, remember what he did to Alanis and that weird chipmunk puppet from Full House.
  • And Ashley Jillian because she is a funny girl in an improv class with the Old Spice Guy. BTW, You’re my favorite XOXO

7 Things About Me!

1. If I could trade closets with anyone I would totally steal Dita Von Teese’s clothes. Because she is always dressed too cute! (Lauren’s Note: not when she’s working… because then she’s not really dressed, but I digress.)

2. I really have been into nail art. This is what my nails are doing this week! Also thanks Amber for getting me these nail stickers for Christmas:

3. Today I received a pink star card and an invitation to “The League of Professionals” at work, because I have more responsibility now! (This was obviously the doing of the most treasured professional in the SGV)

4. My first reaction to reading Teri’s comment was this is awesome… I need to make a doodle of getting an award. I present to you this doodle of the me and the worst acceptance speech ever.

5.  I have 20 toys in my cubicle, this includes 9 kids meal toys, 1 lucky cat, 1 stuffed penguin, 2 beanie baby promotional wilsonart dogs, a ghost, and 6 beautiful gifts!

6.  I really love kitchy things, including this weird sunflower I found in Washington DC:

7. I accidentally stole this pen from the Hyatt last weekend:

I'm a pen stealer!

Now I’m going to continue to doodle. I hope 1 person learned something during this post. I hope that person is also singing that song about being a Super Model from Clueless.


Professional Quote of the Day: November 9th

Good Afternoon All You Professional Quote of the Day Readers!

Some people have many questions about professionalism… Like: How can I tell if someone is a real professional or if they are a professional poseur? Is there some sort test a doctor can give you to see if you come up positive being a professional? Do they have reflections? Are they a card carrying organization?

These are very interesting questions with very interesting answers:

Firstly, you should ask them if there name is Eric, this may be a direct correlation to professionalism (science is still investigating this.)

Secondly, there is no official test to prove your professionalism. Sorry about that.

Thirdly, Yes professionals usally have reflections, you may be confusing them with vamp——-

Wait, you know the best way to find out about professionals is to read the criteria as specified by California’s Professional Hero:

Remember this pro-mantra, and maybe someday you will transform into a professional yourself.