lauren

You Are So Professional to Meeeeeeeeeeee

| Viciously Sweet

Today I felt inspired by a coworker to get down with my inner Weird Al. I was going to take a song from popular culture and craft it to fill the void in this simple office environment.

I feel now like I’m in front of a crowd of fans on a smoky stage. I am crafting words into a precise moment. Capturing it and sharing it with the good people of the world. Now let me break it down to you those lyrics are to the Joe Cocker song “You are so Beautiful”. And that coworker… is the most professional one out there.

I’m sure he’d tell me not to post this because it will get him in trouble with other professionals out there, or some ladies or something. But, I cannot oblige in this must be shared because you Eric… are so Professional to me.

I can’t even make it to the end of the song without crying on my binder clips.

♫ He’s so proficient…. To me
He completed all his deadlines…. he even had TIIIIMMEEE to PROOFREEEEEAD”♫

I have a feeling that Eric will not be amused by this, in fact when he sees this post I’m pretty sure this is going to be his reaction:

He may not be amused. But *tear tear* he’s so Professional (*tear) to meeeeeee

♫Lauren

World Domination with Extra Cheese… Please

| Viciously Sweet

The title of this post is kind of verging on Evil Steve Urkel territory. But don’t worry there is none of that Stefan Urquelle stuff happening here. I just woke up this morning brimming with confidence and purpose. I even blasted through getting ready this morning because the world was just waiting for…. ME!!!!!!!!!! (That was my best Elle Wood’s scream, btw.)

But by the time I got to work after encountering every red light, (and some extra lights I think the city stuck into the roads today…) I had lost that spark, and for about .002 seconds I was totally lost. And then a new desire now coursed through my veins:

Tonight… there will be pizza!
♫Lauren

Missfit VS the Boys Club

| Viciously Sweet

I am a little weird. I am 26, I like to listen to Phil Collins at work, I am pop culture obsessed, I can talk in song titles (shout out to Jen & Tonic), and I have a cubicle that can rival the childishness of any Pixar employee. Problem is I don’t work for Pixar. I work in the “real world” and the “real world” is not like that Matchbox 20 music video with the same name.

The real world is kind of serious, and also has stupid social rules. Like no limbo-ing during the 9-5. Or actually maybe just my office. It’s such a boys club up in this office that it’s very obvious that sometimes me and the Amber just don’t really get what’s happening.

I think our new sashes demonstrate this:

I think there is nothing we can do except create an X-Men like community… I’m going to say I want to be Jubilee she gets a yellow jacket.
♥ and Lollipops,
Lauren

Settling is for Pioneers

| Viciously Sweet

When people tell me their goals, plans, and dreams I get so excited… I root for them in secrecy. I am like a “Bring It On” cheer squad in my imagination for other people. I want to believe that if someone believes in you, you can do anything. And then it happens…somewhere down the road they tell me they are just not going to obtain that goal… so they are just going to file it away in a file cabinet of broken dreams.

There is something about that moment when someone else gives up on a dream that makes me really bummed. I want to shake them, and tell them all sorts of sayings about never giving up on anything you really want. Like Kirsten Dunst, when she tells that girl that the cheer team may not be gymnastics but the glory of cheer-leading is worth it. And because in my small view of the world, I think that giving up on things that could cause you incredible joy is what makes people bitter and sad down the road. And maybe, just maybe you will become a rodeo star, or make that piece of art, or save up the money for that thing you desperately want. If you do… there may be no one happier than me to see you get it.

I’m beginning to understand that this is my problem. Sometimes people evaluate what’s important in their lives and maybe the goal is on a completely different level than where they want to end up. And you know what, that is okay. But what I want to stress, I suppose is to make sure it’s because you that chose to shut that down that dream/goal, and not because someone else in your life is telling you that you can’t/shouldn’t obtain your goals. No one else should make you feel guilty for having dreams. I think I got a little specific there. And I just want to say I’m not really great with motivation (I’m no Kirsten Dunst here), but no one wants to be on the Oregon Trail with minimal oxen and malaria… if you know what I mean.

Keep your dreams alive.

♥ and lollipops,
♫Lauren

I’m Loopy: A tale of Fruit and Vampires

| Viciously Sweet

In the middle of my loopy adventures. I realized that the pills I have been taking for my back problems have made me unable to retain a thought long enough to draw it… So I sit there with my pen, and draw a literal blank (as in I sit there and draw nothing).

But with inspiration from how much fruit is being consumed in the office this week… I came up with this drawing:

And then because I was loopy, I confessed to my coworkers I don’t understand “Twilight” I only got through 15 minutes of the movie before I decided that if it was a lifetime movie that Vampire would have killed Bella on their date and buried her outside of a warehouse. Where a detective played by Jason Lee would find her body while routinely checking the woods. I have seen too many lifetime movies to see any other outcome. And the worst part is that he would see no jail time because I’m sure the judge would be Jennifer Love Hewitt and I’m sure she would never put anyone in jail because it wouldn’t be nice.

Anyhoo, I digressed again. I hope everyone has a happy weekend… and it’s okay if you like Twilight… please don’t hurt me.

♥ and vampires and fruits and lollipops,
Lauren

Excuse me, Miss…

| Viciously Sweet

I find myself in strange situations constantly. I don’t know if its because I have some sort of “weirdo” frequency I emit to the world. Or maybe its just because I am a girl that lives in California… most can admit, it’s a bit weird here.

Most people would just try to ignore the strange things around them. But not me, I’m just too curious not to play into these things.

And for some reason I find that these situations some of the best things that could happen to a girl.

Here are several examples of fun incidents:

-Walking lost old ladies to a restaurant when my only intention of being outside was to throw out garbage. Only to find out that they are so full of historical knowledge of the area that I nearly wanted to hijack their dinner and listen to their memories for hours!

-Helping strangers load luggage/ small store purchases into their cars and being paid in fruit, and no matter how much you protest you walk away with fruit (This has happened more than once.)

-Being trapped in a a very small elevator with a woman who at first is not very talkative but then after a few minutes and realization we were stuck in an elevator together got quite chummy. She turned out to be Susan Adler the author of several of my favorite American Girl books (Shout Out to my Childhood!)

-Having my Fortune read to me by a “Psychic Cat” (I suggest that everyone in the Southern California area… give this a try)

-Being given a bottle of wine, for telling some guy in Rome what time it was… (I don’t think he had a Fiat, Cakes)

-Being told by producers of Ellen that Colin Farrell loved my description of him including but not limited to his “Luscious, unyeilding folicles”

-And of course, having long conversations with people from other businesses in the same building. To the point where I almost tell them, “I’m sorry I have to go to work now.” The best thing is that they never talk to my Professional Coworker, who is beginning to think it’s a conspiracy.

In short, my existence is pretty darn rad, and I’m ready for today’s adventures!

♫Lauren

I’ve been waiting for this moment all my Dorky life!

| Viciously Sweet

The following is a true story, and a testament to how dorky I am.

So I was driving a few days ago from work. I’m feeling pretty icky as I am living through cold-a-palooza (the world’s longest cold). I flip through the radio station, and is it? Could it really be? Is it really, Phil Collins?

A lexicon of feelings surge through me…

My inner thoughts scream: Yes! This is so thrilling!

So I crank  my radio as loud as it will play… Like I’m listening to a low-rider jam! And this guy pulls up to me and starts smiling and making flirty faces with me… until:

At first I’m pretty sure he thought it was the older man behind me… but, no it was me. And anyways if he can’t handle Phil Collin’s then he would never be able to handle all the Hall & Oates I listen to.

And I that is how I recently was protected by the power of DORK!

♫Lauren

Things Just keep Getting Better!

| Viciously Sweet

I thought the best thing about today is that I’m wearing a dress… but much like that song they play on “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” Things have just got so much better!

Today is a DOUBLE POST KIND OF DAY!

-I got to briefly reenact West Side Story with a coworker. I’m talking about choreographed knife fights in the office people!

-One of my bestie’s, Christine likes an outfit I drew her in so much she wants to make it in real life!

-I have not had a Bird Man Dream since Tuesday!

-I got to eat barbecue potato chips at lunch (If you can’t tell yet, I’m easily amused.)

– I’m featured as today’s Crazy Chick on Lafemme’s Crazy Chick’s Club, which is a hilarious blog that is good for all the people!

 

I really am most excited about the last one… Even though those chips had a lot of barbecue powder on them!

Anyways! Today I say thanks so much for interviewing me Lafemme! And Let’s hear it for the weird girls… because we’re taking over!

Let's get really weird!

 

♫Lauren

Why I’m not taking Nyquil Anymore

| Viciously Sweet

I’ve been fighting a cold for the last week. And it has been brutal.

I have called all my old friends out to help me… Advil, benadryl, some Generic orange flavored cough syrup and even Nyquil.

Because of the magical cocktail of drugs I was taking. I was blessed with some of the most surreal and equal parts terrifying dreams ever. Volcanoes, giant corns crushing my house, 50 foot tall goats running away with my car… I was at the point where I was almost not able to sleep.  After testing out which drugs I took before I go to bed I discovered much like the detective in Clue it was… Nyquil! This cough syrup of doom was the culprit that had changed my joyous dreams, into a freakish playground of sleeplessness, and terrifying dreams of Bird Men (who are 75% men, 25% bird).

These “Bird Men” are for some reason the most terrifying thing my brain has ever created. (And I like birds). They were very tall men in suits with incredibly realistic bird heads… and even more scary, it was not a fake head! They all spoke perfect English, and I was the only one without a bird head. And when I tried to find my regular human friends I discovered that their apartments were full of these weird bird men who were dressed in fancy suits. These dreams went on for 4 days straight.

Needless to say, I’m not taking Nyquil after watching Mad Men ever again

bird man and I in the elevator... this was a lot scarier than it looks

♫Lauren