The Nostradamus Award

The following doodle came from one of those gray moments in life. And sadly not a Dorian Gray kind of moment. And… not exactly a 50 Shades of Gray moment in life (shout out to Amber who read those books twice). But yet a moment that could have been narrated well by Gilbert Gottfried.

I pray that someday he will narrate my life story…

Any who, on with the non specifics. Where as most will have to wait for my life story* to get the full details on this particular event in my life, we can all share this doodle. Basically, I never realized how important things you learn in high school are. Exponential Mathematics, running laps, learning how to do a Southern accent to be in “Steel Magnolias” never have done me any good in my real life. I never realized how having to read the Scarlet Letter outloud in school 9 years ago saved my life:

So, I sit here and wonder if and when I will employ any of those terrifying facts I learned from “Wuthering Heights”…

And note to all the people out there: The only time I’ll be “Scarlet” is when I’m playing “Clue.” She gets to go first, and in the Office Edition it’s Pam… and I am totally a Pam.
♫Lauren

*The tentative title is “Love and Lollipops and Daggers: the Truest tales of Lauren”

Literary Cats

Sometimes I have dreams. Sometimes those dreams are scary bird men. Sometimes they are about surprise meatloaf.

I realize my thoughts are more than a little in the clouds. (And I must say I hope my thoughts are in the clouds Keanu Reeves walks in, he’s dreamy.)

Today my thoughts are not any different. I had this thought about my cats being like the Grimm Brothers of the cat world. They write moralistic stories about cats and the world they live in… which is my house.

You may not know this but they also wrote the story of “The Little Mercat” but Hans Kitty Anderson is always trying to make claim on it.

I’m going to go celebrate my Mom’s birthday now.
♫Lauren

The Legend of El Tejon

Jolly Hollers Internet!
I have fallen off the scan-your-doodle wagon. I have a bunch of doodles I really just need to get on their way. I think this one is one of the most culturally important doodles because it shows a turning point in history.

Me, the worst Spanish speaker in recent history, besides my sister. Actually knew something in Spanish my coworker the Dab had no idea about it. (And Dab is the Spanish Master.)

So mark it in the records 6-4-12, was the day I knew more Spanish than… the Dab.

I will celebrate it every year. With joy and fervor. I will commemorate it with one pristine churro. I however do acknowledge that this doesn’t compare with me thinking ghost in Spanish was “El boo Hoo Hoo”.

Let’s go get a churro! Yeah Yeah YEAH!
♫Lauren

The Snail Mail of Joy!

A few moons ago I made a fun and funky fresh doodle of Jen from one of the best blogs ever Sips of Jen and Tonic, because she had inspired a new dream for me. Apparently when Jen saw her doodle it filled her days with joy and raptors:

The doodle actually changed her life in a “Amelie” like way. And through a series of events dispensing her own variety of justice, and dancing through the lush forests of Oregon with a gnome she lovingly calls Giuseppe. Jen decided to spread her new found doodle related joy by sending a little bit of her Tonic splendor down to this very Lauren, in the South of California.

So this little letter filled with ultimate happiness slid all the way down El Camino Real, and and landed at the right foot of my mailman. So excited that he wasn’t just delivering magazines and petsmart coupons, my mailman was on a divine quest to send a rare actual piece of mail. After standing tall with the letter in his hand he exclaimed to the sky, “Lauren needs this immediately” and waited until I got home to hand me this little friend:

And I was so excited, because that envelope was full of presents… and Lauren’s ♥ Presents!:

I felt like a child on the morning of Christmas, except this was an UNEXPECTED CHRISTMAS! So I decided to (jon) hamm it up with my new prize:

And to following my childish joy I decided to make like a teen show starring Ben Savage, and Introduce “Jen to the World”. So I showed her off to the fake Chicago in my room:

And then I tried to introduce her to my Norton the cat, but… He was very busy doing cat things:

You know how cats are. So I send you a doodle thanks for totally making my day:

And yes friendship to me means matching sailor outfits…

♥ & lollipops,
LAUREN

Work Diary: May 24th

Today has been a busy day at work. Really really busy. It’s a day that will go down in history as “pretty darn busy.” It was also the kind of day that separates professionals from the… not professionals.

And let me be the first to tell you… I’m on the professional side.

Everything now makes so much more sense. The files seem much fuller, the text more encrypted than even before. Pixels more squarer than they have ever been… The codes for LA County crisp, as a magnificent apple in my mind.

If I were like a zany professional teen, I would write this down in my hello kitty diary quicker than anything ever before, but I’m too sophisticated for that… I have the power of doodles:

And everyone take note that it was a CC:’d email, not a BCC:’d email so it was no secret!

♥ & breifcases,
Lauren

A Professional Hybrid

There have been some new crazes happening all over this office. Amber and I have new eyeglass prescriptions! I’ve become addicted to grilled shrimp salads at the restaurant next door to us! And Dab and the Professional have become obsessed with paintball!

They talk about it, buy fancy equipment, make secret handshakes about it, and go to special meetings.. maybe I exaggerated on the last two parts… but, then again maybe I didn’t…

Anyways Eric being the true professional he is is trying to combine his new hobby with his current echelon of professionalism. Basically he wants to be the James bond of the paintball world. He wants to be a Professional with a license to… paint? Or a paintballer with a clear future in the professional arts? I’m not sure, but here he is living the dream:

Also I hope our next renderings involve him creating drawings with different colors of paintball paint… I have a new dream happening in my noggin now.

♫Lauren

I regret nothing!

Right now I’m sitting in my cubicle. I kind of have to go to the bathroom. I was just kind of thinking about my recent greatest hits and decided to share some of my silliness with the good people of the internet:

-Yesterday, I sat on the floor with Nancy talking about shapes (for a design competition). It made me feel like a small child, and a grown up all at once. Inverted Rhombuses for life!

-I saw, encountered and very recently blocked a man’s phone number who looked precariously like Zach Efron. He was in fact so handsome I didn’t trust him when I met him… but, then I learned a little more about him and trust him even less. And yes people I discussed this with, he is as shallow as I imagined his pretty face to be.

-I went to a birthday party for one of my friends parents (who I have only known for about a year and a half) and in a room full of his friends and family, I won the trivia contest about his life.

-I got asked for my phone number while in a hospital gown…

-I didn’t eat a pizookie… which for international readers is a very large cookie that is made in a pizza tin. But I wanted to and plan on doing so very soon.

-I got in an argument with a Rooster. I decided to write a song about him in the Key of “Rock Lobster” from the B-52’s, it will be called “Rude Rooster.” As you can glean, he was not a gentleman.

-Some stranger on the internet called me “hot face” which only makes me think that I may have a fever or something.

– I got a free tote bag for buying a frozen drink, and I felt like a winner. I also have already used that tote bag at the beach, aka the only place tote bags want to be.

-I met a bird whose name was “Bird Lancaster,” I laughed with reckless abandon. And I wondered if he was the “Birdman from Alcatraz”… which is a Burt Lancaster joke ;)

And I have come to this conclusion:

Here’s to another odd and fabulous week!

♥ and lollipops,
Lauren

That’s What Friends Are For…

Much like a Dionne Warwick jam, it is really great to spend time with your friends. Especially if your friend is Rupert Evert singing “I say a Little Prayer For You”. Oops wrong song reference… and on the note of Rupert Evert, I sent him a friendship bracelet in 1998 and he’s never gotten back to me. He must be so excitedly wearing it that he forgot to send a thank you.

As always I digressed.

But this weekend a conversation happened between me and Christine that just shows you the magic of friendship. And if it were crafted into a 2 hour movie… it would win all the awards.

I present to you today’s doodle:

I imagine the movie based on this doodle starring Kate Winslet and Penelope Cruz, in the roles they were born to play.

However I would like to point out today is Amber’s birthday and she will have a smashing doodle on this page tomorrow. Happy Birthday Am-bear.
I am just too busy with all this work silliness to make a proper doodle today… but oh tomorrow there will be doodles!!!!
♫Lauren

You Are So Professional to Meeeeeeeeeeee

Today I felt inspired by a coworker to get down with my inner Weird Al. I was going to take a song from popular culture and craft it to fill the void in this simple office environment.

I feel now like I’m in front of a crowd of fans on a smoky stage. I am crafting words into a precise moment. Capturing it and sharing it with the good people of the world. Now let me break it down to you those lyrics are to the Joe Cocker song “You are so Beautiful”. And that coworker… is the most professional one out there.

I’m sure he’d tell me not to post this because it will get him in trouble with other professionals out there, or some ladies or something. But, I cannot oblige in this must be shared because you Eric… are so Professional to me.

I can’t even make it to the end of the song without crying on my binder clips.

♫ He’s so proficient…. To me
He completed all his deadlines…. he even had TIIIIMMEEE to PROOFREEEEEAD”♫

I have a feeling that Eric will not be amused by this, in fact when he sees this post I’m pretty sure this is going to be his reaction:

He may not be amused. But *tear tear* he’s so Professional (*tear) to meeeeeee

♫Lauren